


Raise, Protect, and Hope

by SinisterSound



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Background Character Death, Basically a little girl finds a family in a gang, Basically the Hitmen adopt a child!AU, But Seonghwa is like her dad, But she goes through so much, Coming of Age, Complex moral decisions, Disabled Character, Found Family, Growing Up, Guns, Love and pride, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, She is their little girl, She’s just a kid, Spoilers: wheelchair character, Teaching a child how to fight, There is a lot of cute moments and a lot of angst, They’re all her family, This was inspired by Seonghwa with a child and being a father, Violence, Weaponry, hitmen!au, just as a warning, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 49,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22949431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinisterSound/pseuds/SinisterSound
Summary: A little girl, no more than eight stood there.“Are you Seonghwa?” She asked, words slurred as they passed through her missing front tooth. “The one who helps people?”One would not usually label a paid assassin as a “helper”.She struggled with her purse for a moment, reaching in with uncoordinated hands that grabbed everything inside of it.Two small hands held up a pile of two dollar bills, three quarters, a penny, and a lollipop wrapper.“I need your help.”~~~~A little girl shows up on Seonghwa’s doorstep, asking for him to take her stepdad away.Seonghwa always did go above and beyond.
Relationships: Ot8-Family Relationship
Comments: 56
Kudos: 831





	1. Step One: Raise Them To Do Well

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for clicking on this! I’ve been wanting to write this for so long, and now that I’ve started I’m super excited!!  
> This one’s a little different than usual, as it focuses on their daughter and her relationship to them. There are no romantic relationships, but you can imagine it, if you’d like!  
> I know people are sometimes iffy about OCs so thank you for giving this a chance!  
> I hope you enjoy it, and please please please let me know what you think!  
> Have an amazing day, lovelies~~ 
> 
> -SS

Arah tightened her grip on the sniper, eyes straining from staring down the scope so long. 

“What if this doesn’t work?” she whispered through the earpiece, hands shaking but steady. 

“You’ve got one shot, Arah,” Yeosang said in lieu of answering. Her scope followed Seonghwa’s back as he walked across the street. “You’ve got to make it count.” 

“San never had to do anything like this,” she breathed, her heart picking up and almost making her panic. “Yeosang, I can’t-”

“He’s almost to the rendezvous point,” Hongjoong’s voice broke through. “Arah, you have like forty seconds, you have to make it count.” 

“This is so fucked up,” she whispered, voice shaking.

“Keep it together, Arah,” Hongjoong urged, a warning in his voice. They couldn’t afford hesitation. “Remember the mission. Thirty seconds.” 

Seonghwa had reached the other side of the street. “I’m scared,” she breathed suddenly, heart threatening to choke her where it rested in her throat. “Guys, I can’t- ” 

“Twenty seconds,” Hongjoong said instead of addressing her. “Second target approaching.” 

“I have visual on a weapon on the second target,” Wooyoung reported, voice even. Only years of experience allowed her to hear the tension there. “Handgun. Chances are, he’s going to pull it. You’ve got one shot, Arah.” 

“ _ I fucking know that, _ ” she hissed, eyes stinging and vision blurring. She wiped at it hurriedly. She couldn’t miss, she couldn’t mess this up. Seonghwa and the others were counting on her-

“Ten seconds.” 

“What if I miss?” she whispered, feeling hot tears on her cheeks. “Yeosang-”

“Make it count, Arah.” There was conviction there. He believed in her. 

She swallowed, peering down the scope again, crosshair sliding from Seonghwa to the other man with blonde hair before wavering back. 

Her hands stopped shaking, her body falling into a natural rhythm. This was insane… but it was rote and familiar. 

“They’re approaching each other,” she said, voice stronger than before. 

“Visual,” Wooyoung came through. “They’ve spotted each other… Second target is still in line.” 

“Your call now, Arah,” Hongjoong said, voice stern. “Take the shot when you can.” 

The silence in her ears was worse than anything as the cross hair slid across the blond man. He said something to Seonghwa who was still and somber, the blonde smirking as his hand suddenly flew towards his weapon.

“Taking it,” she whispered, fear choking her lungs. The cross hair focused on the target. 

She pulled the trigger. The echo was loud in her ears. 

Seonghwa jerked forward, red flying as his knees hit the ground. Even through the scope, she could see the neat little hole in his back. 

She ducked her head, bile rising in her throat. She wasn’t even aware of the voices in her ears until the roaring died down. “Talk to us, Arah!” Mingi’s voice demanded. “What’s happening?” 

Arah swallowed, hands shaking as she looked through the scope again. Blonde man was knelt beside Seonghwa who wasn’t moving, his hands covered in blood. “The target is down,” she whispered, choking on tears stuck in her throat. “Mission accomplished.” 

~~~~~~~~

The knock at his door was not shocking, but it was unexpected. 

It was nearly midnight, but he was used to getting strange knocks in the middle of the night. His business was not one usually appealing during daytime hours. Usually, though Mingi would have intel that he should expect someone. 

Another soft knock. 

Oh, well. Mingi wasn’t perfect at his job. 

He stood, walking slowly, his hand resting against the gun at his hip. He never knew what kind of people were waiting for him on the other side of his door. 

He placed a gentle hand on the door knob, counting to five, before opening it quickly.

For a moment, he thought someone had knocked and ran. He stared out into the night, realizing it was raining, and his eyes narrowed as his eyes trailed over the darkness. 

The distant streetlights were useless against the darkness, and he still couldn’t make out anything. Until he realized that there was someone there. 

He dropped his gaze down to around the height of his waist. 

Someone, more specifically, a child. 

A little girl, no more than eight stood there. A bright yellow raincoat, pink boots, and brown curls that were heavy with water. She stared up with eyes so dark they were black, her hands clutching her raincoat tightly. She was breathing heavily, like she had run, and she shivered slightly from the cold rain. 

“Are you Seonghwa?” She asked, words slurred as they passed through her missing front tooth. Her eyes were the kind of wide that only children had, staring up at him with a clarity most adults lacked. An innocence. 

He frowned, wondering if someone had put her up to this. He glanced around once more, finding no one in the area. He turned back to her. “Yes?” 

She swallowed, shoving her bangs out of her face and shaking water off of her skin. “The one who helps people?”

One would not usually label a paid assassin as a “helper”. He cocked his hip out, wondering if this kid even knew what a gun was. 

“Why?” he questioned carefully. Most people weren’t against trying to get kids to help them sneak around places. If that was so, though, this kid was an amazing actor. 

She lowered her eyes, opening her coat and revealing a soaked purple shirt with a small coin purse with a smiling sun on it attached to a string around her neck. She struggled with it for a moment, popping it open and reaching in with uncoordinated hands that grabbed everything inside of it. 

Two small hands held up a pile of two dollar bills, three quarters, a penny, and a lollipop wrapper.

“I need your help,” she said, as if reading from a script, or repeating what she had heard someone say. “He told me that you would take care of someone if I paid you.” Her S’s whistled through her teeth. 

Seonghwa glanced between her small pile of money and her chubby face, frowning. “You do know what it is I do, right, kid?”

Her small face was pinched in concentration. “He said you would take him away,” she pressed, like he might have forgotten what he could do. 

“Who said?” Seonghwa questioned, hand on his hip, brows furrowing deeper the more the girl talked. 

“My neighbor,” she said firmly. “Mr. Nam said if I came here and paid you, you would take him away.” 

“Take who away?” 

“My stepdad,” she explained, lips quivering from emotion or cold. “Mr. Nam said that you were the only one who could help…  _ Please _ .” She lifted her arms higher, offering the money more firmly. 

Her raincoat sleeve rode up as she did so, and Seonghwa’s eyes widened as he saw the beginning reveal of pale skin. Her wrist and forearm were covered in angry red circles and scratches. 

Cigarette burns. 

Seonghwa’s jaw clenched. He stepped back. “Come in for a minute, kid.” 

She entered quickly, scurrying in with a hopeful glint in her eyes. He closed the door, turning and kneeling on the ground to see on her level. 

There was already a puddle of water gathering on his carpet, but he paid it no mind. He reached out, taking her hand gently and pushing her sleeve back up. She winced slightly, but didn’t pull away. There were more crawling up her arm, colored with bruises of yellow and blue. 

“Did your stepdad do this?” he asked, touching around the burns. 

The little girl nodded, eyes an odd mixture of innocent and understanding. Like she knew that there was something wrong with what had happened, but didn’t know how to explain it. 

“When I was too loud,” she told him. “Or when I didn’t listen.” Her brows pinched, almost in confusion. “They hurt a lot….” 

It was like she couldn’t comprehend why he would do something that would hurt her. 

Seonghwa’s eyes traced over her face. Her speech and processing seemed a little underdeveloped for her age… 

“What else did he do?” Seonghwa prompted softly, already planning the calls he would be making. 

“Hit me,” she told him readily, leftover fear gathering deep in her eyes. “He used a bottle one time. And once, he was stumbling around like he was sleepy and he knocked me down the stairs- but he said I can’t tell anyone! Mr. Nam says you’re the only one who can help me.” 

“Why not the police?” 

She hesitated. “I talked to them before… They just… made him more upset.” She shrugged, eyes so trusting. “Mr. Nam says they can’t help.” 

Seonghwa hummed. Was the stepfather too powerful? Was there something keeping him from being exposed? More than likely the man had friends somewhere. 

“What’s your name?” he prompted gently. 

She inhaled, reciting practiced lines. “My name is Shin Arah, and I’m seven years old. I live on Gyong Street, apartment 112.” She lifted her money again, something in her eyes as desperate as a child could be. “Can you help me?” she asked, voice smaller, looking near tears. 

Seonghwa glanced between her and her money again. Her sleeve was still pushed back, showing off the bruises. Rain clung to her face like teardrops. 

Sighing gently, he pushed her hands away, shaking his head. “Keep it,” he told her at length. “For you, no charge.” 

Arah frowned, perplexed as she lowered her hands. “Why?”

He reached out, ruffling her curls, lips quirking. “‘Cause you’re cute, kid.” 

Despite it all, she giggled, grabbing at his hands to stop him. Arah grinned, revealing her missing tooth, cheeks bright and eyes lively. 

He’d never had a client so young. But he supposed this one needed it more than most.

~~~~~~~

“I’m not going home?” she asked as he rubbed her hair with a towel. 

Seonghwa shook his head as he lowered it, showing off her mess of less-damp curls. “Not tonight. You can stay here.” 

Arah pushed the towel from in front of her face, something brightening in her eyes. “I don’t have to go back?” she repeated, like she couldn’t believe her fortune. 

“No,” Seonghwa assured her again, and something in her shoulders relaxed as she smiled gently. 

“That’s good,” she breathed before shivering. “I’ve never had a sleepover before.” 

Seonghwa straightened the shirt he had found for her that fell like a dress- the smallest he had in the little temporary apartment. “I’ll dry your clothes for tomorrow real quick,” he told her gently, brushing her curls out of her eyes. “And then I’ll get you a bed set up.” 

She smiled that missing-tooth grin, thanking him brightly as he directed her into the bathroom to use for the night. The moment the door closed, he pulled out his phone. “Hongjoong?” he answered once the line connected. “I need you to find someone for me.”

~~~~~~~~

Arah giggled, sliding further into the blankets that swallowed her. “This bed is huge!” she laughed, throwing her arms out that didn’t reach anywhere near the sides. 

“Get some sleep,” he told her, tucking the blankets. “We’ll talk some more in the morning.” 

Arah nodded, snuggling against the pillow. “Good night, Seonghwa,” she said quietly. “Thank you for helping me.” 

Seonghwa offered her a small smile. Truly, Seonghwa didn’t think he had spoken more than a handful of words to a child, ever. He expected her to be more timid around him, but he supposed… compared to where she had come from, Seonghwa must seem like the fun uncle. 

“No problem, kid. Now, go to sleep,” he urged quietly. He turned, going to close the door. 

“Wait!” He stopped, turning back to see her sitting up in the bed, gathering the blankets around herself. “Could you leave a light on?” 

Seonghwa smiled despite it all, walking over to the closet and flicking on the light that shone through the door. “Better?” Arah nodded, snuggling back down, satisfied. He closed the door with another quiet good night. 

His phone rang not ten minutes later as he pulled up his laptop. “San,” he greeted. “What do you have?” 

“Everything,” he responded. “Well, everything that Hongjoong found within an hour. Which is basically everything. We’re still waiting on the names of his extended family, but he did own a cat named Whiskers, once.” 

“The point, San. Get to it.” 

“Wow, someone’s grumpy,” San muttered through the phone. “We sent the file to you already, but the general gist of it all boils down to this: Sick mom finds first man willing to be tied down so that when she’s gone, her daughter has someone to take care of her. Married when the girl was four, been in the picture for three years. There’s been no reports against the man. Officially, anyway.” 

Arah had specifically mentioned speaking with the police, though. 

“Unofficially?” Seonghwa asked as he pulled up the file on his computer. It really was everything, but the important bits were highlighted because Yeosang was extra like that. 

“Everyone and their moms know something is going on in that house,” San reported. “Checked it out a little, and the dad’s got a friend in the police force who’s fielding everything. Something to do with them being college friends, owing something or another- Not important. The important bit is that no one is getting that guy in jail.” 

“Which isn’t where we send people, so that works out for us,” Seonghwa said, scanning over documents of reports that were labelled as falsified. Neighbors telling officers about bruises and weird things they had seen when the girl and her father would walk around. 

_ “Too rough”  _ some of them said.  _ “Like he pushes her around. She’s fallen a lot.”  _

“Did this girl really show up?” he heard the more distant voice of Yunho, who was probably sitting on a couch nearby. “Like, she wants you to kill her dad?” 

“Of course, she doesn’t know what it means,” Seonghwa scoffed, leaning close to see smaller print about the stepdad’s history. “But her neighbor told her that we could help her. That’s all she knows, is that he would be taken away. It’s not wrong, technically. But I doubt a seven year old knows what a body bag is.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be taking care of something else?” Mingi’s voice sounded, too close, like he had stolen the phone. “I thought you were there for intel?” 

“Intel was finished a while ago,” Seonghwa said, dismissive. “And this will be easy. I’m still leaving tomorrow evening, so I’ll be back by the next morning.” 

“Well, what are you going to do with the girl?” San asked. “Send her into foster care? Well, I guess the police would take care of it, now that she’s an orphan. No living relatives that Hongjoong’s found yet, which means they probably don’t exist.” 

Seonghwa was quiet, staring at the little blank box labeled “Existing Family.” 

“Seonghwa?” Yunho prompted when he didn’t answer. “Seonghwa, what are you planning-”

“I’ll be back in a couple days,” he broke in suddenly, sitting up. “Thanks for your help.” 

“Seonghwa-” 

He hung up, setting the phone down and staring at the little “Existing Family” box. This was… a really stupid idea. 

~~~~~~~~~

“ _ Seonghwa, what the actual fuck is this _ ?”

Arah clung to his leg a little tighter at the yell, little fingers digging into the fabric. Seonghwa was honestly still surprised with how readily she had imprinted on him. 

“Watch your language,” he said sternly, hand resting on Arah’s head. “There’s a child present.” 

“ _ Yeah, I noticed _ !” Mingi snapped, staring in disbelief between the girl and Seonghwa. “ _ Why  _ is she here?”

“Well, first of all, you can lower your voice because you’re frightening her,” Seonghwa said casually. “And you can speak with a little less anger.” 

Mingi looked ready to blow, but Jongho elbowed him roughly. He sighed, taking a large breath that looked like it hurt. “Seonghwa,” he said, voice tight but calm. “Why did you bring the girl with you? Why didn’t you leave her with the police?” 

“Seonghwa,” Arah whispered, tugging on his pants. “I don’t think he wants me here.” 

Seonghwa leaned down, patting her head. “That’s just Mingi. He’s dumb. You don’t have to listen to anything he says,” he told her comfortingly, grinning when she nodded seriously. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ ,” he hissed angrily. 

“Mingi, stop it,” Yeosang said, glaring at him in disapproval. “Look at her, she’s  _ precious. _ ” He smiled down at the hiding girl, squatting down onto her level. “Look at her cute little curls!” 

Arah smiled hesitantly, touching her curls and flushing a little. “I wanted to bring my favorite bow, but Seonghwa said we didn’t have time to grab it because we had to leave in a hurry.” 

“We can find you another bow,” Yeosang promised with a smile. “I like your shirt,” he said, pointing to the purple. 

“It’s new!” she said, coming out a little further from behind Seonghwa and showing off the long sleeves. “It makes my elbows purple if I wear it a lot. Look!” She rolled up one of her sleeves to her elbow, shoving off a faint purple dye that had rubbed off. 

And, of course… everyone’s eyes trailed the angry red circles and blue splotches against the delicate skin. 

Yeosang almost couldn’t reign in the shock on his face, lips pressing together tightly. “I see that,” he said, voice a little tight. He glanced up at Seonghwa. “Let’s go wash it off, okay?” he said, standing and holding a hand out. 

Arah glanced up at Seonghwa, as if asking for permission, and he nodded. “You can go with Yeosang. He’ll get you a snack while you’re at it.” 

Arah nodded, stepping out and taking Yeosang’s hand. “You’re not coming?” she asked Seonghwa, hesitating. 

“I’ll be right there,” he promised. “I just need to talk to Mingi and the others for a second.” Arah nodded in acceptance, following after Yeosang without another issue. Seonghwa waited until they were both gone through the hallway door. 

“Why did you bring her here?” Mingi demanded as soon as she was gone. “Why not leave her with the police?”

“She would have just wound up in the system,” Seonghwa said unapologetically, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. “She didn’t deserve that.” 

“A lot of kids don’t deserve that,” Mingi fought in a hushed whisper. “But it happens anyway. All that aside, why did you bring her  _ here _ ?”

“I hate to agree with Mingi on anything,” Hongjoong said, lips thin as he sat on the arm of the sofa. “But at the very least, I don’t think she’s much better off here. I mean, did you forget for a moment what it is we do?” 

Suddenly, the guns unassembled on the coffee table stood out a little more. The small metal bulges on each of their hips were a little more prominent. 

“She’s not safe here,” Mingi said firmly. “And not just because there’s only a door between her and a  _ weapon’s warehouse _ . She can’t live this life.” 

“Who said anything about her living this life?” Seonghwa asked, eyebrow raised. “ _ We  _ live this life. For now, she’ll just live  _ with  _ us.” 

“So you plan on giving her to someone else eventually?” Wooyoung questioned, head tilted. 

“If I know of somewhere she’ll be better off, I’ll send her there,” Seonghwa assured them firmly, having already thought everything through the night before. This was not a rash decision, despite the brevity of its creation. “Until then, she stays here. If you don’t like it, you can live in the warehouse.” 

“Do we have the luxury of baby proofing the house?” Yunho asked, concerned. “I mean- there are guns everywhere.” 

“She’s old enough to look after herself,” Seonghwa assured them. “We’ll explain some things, and she’ll follow some rules. Same as when we took in anyone.” 

“Is putting a seven year old among a bunch of hitmen really the best idea?” Yunho demanded. “I mean- Look at her, she’s  _ tiny _ . There’s all sorts of stuff she could get into!” 

“Hongjoong is tiny and we still let him around,” Seonghwa reminded them, earning him a middle finger. “Everything aside, this is what’s happening. So it’s time to step up and make sure she doesn’t get hurt again.” 

Because really… all the corruption they took out, all the filth they cleaned up, all the men in suits sitting in towers that they burned down… 

What did it really matter if some innocent kid was living in hell anyway? How did the thousands of deaths they assigned help her in any way?

There was silence that followed this time until Jongho sighed. “Your old age is making you soft.” 

“I’m twenty two!” 

“And I’m seventeen!” Jongho returned, cocking his head. “And yet- here we are, taking care of a living child when we signed up to  _ take  _ lives!” 

“None of you will have to do anything,” Seonghwa promised. “I brought her here, and she’s my responsibility, but it  _ will  _ affect you all too.” 

“I think she’s cute,” San said, shrugging indifferently. “I wouldn’t mind having her around.” 

“Oh, I don’t mind, either,” Hongjoong assured them. “I’m just pointing out what we’re getting into.” 

“I like her,” Wooyoung agreed. “My only problem is that Seonghwa took out her old bastard himself and didn’t let us take a shot.” 

“You’re intel,” San reminded him. “You never go on hits.” 

“Yeah, but I’d like to,” Wooyoung sighed, resting his head in his hand. “Just this once.” 

“I’m going to check on Arah,” Seonghwa broke in, shaking his head. “Just… all of you be aware that she’s a kid, and she’s scared.” He glared at Mingi. “So keep your voices down, especially when you speak to her.” 

Mingi knew when he was beat and sighed, throwing his hands up. “Fine.  _ Fine,  _ let’s take on a kid. Why don’t we just go get a kitten and a puppy too? Hell, let’s grab a horse!”

Jongho smacked him for being dramatic. 

Seonghwa was already walking away, heading through the door towards the kitchen. Yeosang sat with her at the table, maps and documents pushed to one end with the other turned into an eating area. “You made her ramen?” Seonghwa asked as he entered. 

“We didn’t have anything else,” Yeosang said with narrowed eyes. “So, yes, she’s eating ramen. She likes it, don’t you, Arah?” 

She nodded, face covered in ramen broth. “Did you want some?” she asked, lifting her bowl up. 

Seonghwa smiled. “No, that’s fine. You can eat it.” She shrugged, putting it back down. “Arah…” She looked up, noodles falling out of her mouth. “Would you be alright with staying here?” 

She swallowed, wiping her mouth as she frowned. “I thought I was supposed to stay here?” she murmured with her whistling S’s. 

Seonghwa sat at the chair across from her. “Well, yes. But if you were given a choice, would you rather stay here or… go somewhere else?” 

Arah thought about it seriously, frowning and staring at her ramen. “Will… will you still be here?” 

Seonghwa nodded. “I’d keep staying here, regardless of where you went.” 

Arah hummed, nodding firmly. “Then I’ll stay here,” she decided. 

“You can stay,” Seonghwa told her. “But if you do, there are some rules you need to follow, and there are certain rules you  _ cannot break _ , do you understand?” he asked seriously, putting aside his smile. 

Arah met his eyes with worried ones, nodding timidly, her fingers flexing, and Seonghwa shook his head quickly. 

“Arah, it’s not- These rules are  _ only  _ for your safety. You won’t be punished like you were before, but there are some things around here that could hurt you very badly if you don’t listen to what we tell you. So, if I tell you not to touch something, you  _ can’t  _ touch it because it’ll hurt you, do you understand?” he explained gently. 

She inclined her head, blinking hard. “I got it.” 

“Then we can talk more after you finish your snack,” he said, offering a small smile that made her relax a little. “And we’ll find you a room where you can put your bag.” 

She only had a small backpack filled with clothes and a few trinkets that would fit. Seonghwa never hung around long after a hit, so he had only grabbed a few essentials. They could buy her more stuff later. 

She might be here for a while. 

~~~~~~~~

“Is this my bed?” Arah asked in awe, touching the double bed almost reverently. 

“This is your  _ room, _ ” Wooyoung corrected, gesturing around the, admittedly small, space. 

It used to be a storage room, so it wasn’t much in terms of size, but they’d cleaned it up, put down a throw rug and given up Wooyoung’s bed (“I can just share with Yeosang!”). So it looked alright. 

At least, Arah thought so as she lapped the room, staring around with stars in her eyes. 

“This is awesome!” she gasped, running to her bed and leaping onto it. “I love it!” 

“We’re right down the hall,” Seonghwa told her, gesturing. “So if you ever need anything, just find one of our rooms.” 

Arah nodded, cocooning herself in her blanket. “I can put my stuff away now!” She gasped, jumping off the bed, grabbing the bag of clothes from the corner. “I’ll put them  _ right here _ .” She took out the stacks and laid them out carefully on the floor. “Perfect!” 

“Tomorrow, Yeosang and Jongho will take you shopping for some clothes and stuff,” Seonghwa told her, face gentle as she patted her piles of clothes. 

Arah turned, frowning. “What about you?” 

Seonghwa had to go play clean up on the fact he had just murdered her stepdad. “I have some work to do. But Yeosang and Jongho will be lots of fun to hang out with. They  _ love  _ shopping.” 

Arah looked hesitant, staring at her pile of clothes pensively. Seonghwa was about to explain that she didn’t need to be afraid of anyone here, but Arah suddenly looked up. “Do you think… while we’re shopping… I could get some candy? I have my little purse,” she said, pulling it out of her bag as proof. 

Seonghwa pressed his lips together for a moment, saddened at the sight, but Wooyoung beat him to saying anything. “Yeosang will buy you a whole bag of candy,” he promised, winking as he pushed her purse back at her. “You save that for something more special.” 

Arah’s eyes widened. “More special than candy?”

“Such things exist,” Wooyoung assured her with a wise nod that had her staring with stars in her eyes. 

~~~~~~~~

By the next morning, there was no evidence that the man who had been murdered in his own home ever had custody of or access to any children of any gender. 

He died in a mugging situation, stabbed with a knife that was not left behind, and with no children or family to contact. 

Or so Seonghwa read in the news. 

It was strange, working around someone else’s schedule, especially a child’s. Well, Arah didn’t have much of a schedule, but she did have a pretty big presence. 

Getting used to everyone was shockingly easy for her after she spent a moment with each of them alone, and she no longer shied away from being apart from Seonghwa for too long. However, with her very large, bright presence meant that she also needed someone to watch her, which meant all hands couldn’t be on deck at all times. 

And also meant that any work involving dangerous weapons had to be done in the warehouse, which was inconvenient but not undoable. 

Small changes, but nothing that would kill them, no matter how Mingi liked to bemoan only being able to clean his gun in the warehouse. 

Operations couldn’t be put on pause, so they simply had to integrate Arah into them (to a very carefully calculated certain degree), and Arah slid into the spots they prepared for her with ease, after her walls had been knocked down in the first few weeks. 

“What’s that?” she asked, leaning across Hongjoong’s lap as he read through a page of information. 

“Homework,” he explained absently, shifting papers. 

“You don’t go to  _ school, _ ” she said pointedly, nose wrinkling. “You don’t even get on a bus!” 

“Well, you’re about to start school, and you won’t be going on a bus either,” Hongjoong stated matter of factly. “You’re about to see the reality of online schooling, kid.” 

“Does that mean I get a computer?” she asked brightly, perking up with an excitement that she displayed at any little thing that didn’t fall under her category of “bad.” 

Hongjoong hummed, flipping the pages. “No, we’re going to teach you how to access the internet via potato.” 

Arah leaned back to stare him dead in the eyes. “You’re not funny,” she said dryly. 

Hongjoong grinned, finally glancing at her. “I’m a little funny.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

“Then, what’s that?” he asked, pointing at her chest. When she glanced down, he flicked his finger up, catching her nose. Arah shrieked, clutching her nose, and Hongjoong laughed, setting the papers down. “Come on, squirt, let’s get a snack.” 

Arah still looked upset at the trick, but she followed at the promise of a cookie. 

It was almost frightening-  _ unreal-  _ how quickly four months flew by. 

Online school was great, in Arah’s eyes. 

One of them would sit and help her most of the time (mostly Yeosang or Wooyoung or Hongjoong. They seemed to have more time on their hands than some of the others) and Arah liked the material more than the school she went to before. 

Her old school was boring and the teachers always yelled at her for not paying attention and the kids all laughed at her missing tooth. 

No one here ever made fun of her missing tooth, though. 

“I hate spelling tests,” she muttered, scrolling through the page on the laptop Seonghwa had given her. (“Don’t break it,” he warned. “This is Mingi’s old one, and he threatened to eat you if you did break it.”). 

However, despite how good it was to live with these people, spelling tests were a universal evil. 

The door to the living area creaked open, and she waved without looking as she knelt at the coffee table. “Hi, San,” she greeted. 

“And how did you know it was me?” he asked defensively, hands on his hips playfully. 

“Mingi left access to the security cameras on his computer.” 

San’s expression faltered before becoming scolding. “And how do you know how to operate those?” He demanded, rushing forward into the room. 

Arah looked up, frowning in confusion at his question. “It’s a button, San. I clicked it. It’s labeled,  _ on the computer  _ as ‘Security feed.’” 

San narrowed his eyes. “Ever since you got comfortable around us, your attitude is beginning to show.” 

Arah shrugged exaggeratedly. 

It felt… freeing to be here.

Arah had learned very quickly- had had  _ proven  _ to herself very quickly- that she would not be harmed for  _ anything  _ she did. 

Not even when she accidentally broke her cereal bowl and started crying because she was afraid Seonghwa would get mad. But Yeosang, who had been doing the dishes, rushed to her side, wiping away the tears and assuring her that it was just a dish, she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

They would not hurt her. This was the first truth she knew about this place she had been brought to. 

Sometimes, she accidentally talked back too much. And she would hold her breath, waiting for their warning to come. But they would just smile even as they glared at her, eyes bright as they pointed at her in warning. 

At first, she hadn’t been sure what it meant so she had stepped away, unsure and uneasy. 

Which had  _ horrified  _ Yunho when she first did it, and he had hugged her tightly, assuring her that he wasn’t mad and they would  _ never  _ get truly mad at her for something so insignificant. 

It was a concept that Arah caught on to, and clung to vehemently. 

So now, Arah grinned when San glared in warning, feeling warm in her chest. “I love you too,” she said, turning back to her spelling page. “ Now, can you come explain why this word is pronounced as if there isn’t a G sitting right there in the middle of it.” 

~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa had thought that Arah seemed a little… underdeveloped when they met. 

Her speech, her actions, they were all as if she was a couple years younger than she was. It had concerned him at first, fearful of how it might set her at a disadvantage. 

However, it only highlighted in blazing neon signs how quickly she bloomed under the barest amount of care. 

Her schooling level was lower than it should be for her age, but she advanced  _ startlingly  _ quickly, catching up to where she was supposed to be, and going beyond with minimal effort on their part. 

She was a sponge that had yet to be wet, but the moment she began to catch a sprinkle of water, she soaked it in like a parched earth finding spring water. 

Her vocabulary scared him sometimes. He had nearly spit out his coffee when she asked him “Does echolocation work if a bat has vertigo?” 

“Where did you learn about vertigo?” he demanded.

Arah shrugged. “Yunho was complaining that something always gave him vertigo.” 

Arah was brilliant with how quickly she picked things up, and surrounded by so many of them who, despite their ages, were geniuses, it wasn’t a surprise that she sped passed where she should be. 

And honestly, rocketed past where Seonghwa had ever expected her to end up. 

In an amazing way, she made his chest burst with pride that he didn’t know if he had a right to feel. 

~~~~~~~~

“Hi, Yunho,” she greeted before he had even fully opened the door. 

“I thought Seonghwa said he was going to take those cameras off the computer,” Yunho sighed, closing the door. 

Arah shrugged as she clicked on another answer for her test. “He hasn’t yet.” 

“Yeah,  _ clearly,  _ but you-” Yunho froze, making Arah look up. “What the hell are you doing with that?” he snapped. 

She blinked, frowning as she followed his gaze, landing on the handgun that was sitting on the opposite end of the coffee table from her. “Mingi was in here before me. I think it’s his.” 

“Why do you have it?” Yunho demanded seriously, marching over and snatching it up. 

“I don’t have it,” Arah said plainly, obviously. “It was just sitting there when I got here.” 

“You know you’re not allowed to play with these!” 

“Seonghwa told me not to touch them if I ever found them,” Arah said obviously, her voice flat with clarity and assurity, turning back to her test. “I didn’t touch it.” 

“Arah, they’re  _ dangerous- _ ” 

“That’s why I didn’t touch it,” she pressed, speaking each word clearly. 

“You don’t understand what these things could do to you-”

Arah finally looked up, confusion on her face and Yunho paused as she tilted her head, questioning his sanity. 

“I’m almost nine, Yunho,” she said firmly. “I know what a gun is.” 

Yunho stood still for several seconds, processing. 

All of them had sort of been acting under the assumption that Arah was someone who didn’t know anything about the real world. And it was in this moment that they realized: if Arah was old enough to pick up on their vocabulary and mannerisms and actions and intelligence, she was old enough to realize what guns were when she saw them everyday. 

But if Arah knew what a gun was, then she knew what it was for, and that meant she knew what they had been using it for. 

“Just- Don’t touch them,” Yunho said haltingly, looking slightly frightened, and Arah nodded absently, turning back to her test. 

Her actions were casual, but as soon as Yunho left, her shoulders fell and her lips thinned as she stared at the screen. 

~~~~~~~~

The largest shock came at dinner one night, one of the rare few that they all had a free evening, so they sat around and ate. Arah pushed her food around, brow tight and lips pensive. 

“You’ve gotta eat, squirt,” Hongjoong said, nudging her with his elbow. “You’re gonna start shrinking.” 

Seonghwa glanced up from his food when Arah didn’t answer, and the girl suddenly set her utensils down, looking up with heavy eyes. “Did you kill my stepdad?” 

No less than three forks clattered against their plates as heads snapped up, Jongho choking on his food for a moment as Arah stared across the table at Seonghwa who seemed to be the only one not blown away by her question. His expression was thoughtful and heavy as he slowly lowered his fork. 

“What makes you ask?” he questioned softly, eyes weighed down. 

Arah swallowed, lowering her eyes. “I’m just wondering…” She trailed off, fingers stiff against the table. 

Seonghwa paused for a moment before nodding. “I did.” 

Seonghwa hadn’t ever come up with a real plan for this conversation, but he knew that lying was never going to be a part of it. Arah was too smart for lies. 

Nearly a year after the fact seemed a strange time to reveal it, but Arah didn’t cry nor yell. She just lifted her eyes. 

“Are you guys… assassins? Or… like a gang?” she asked slowly.

“Where did you hear that?” Yeosang asked, leaning forward with concern in his eyes. 

“Google,” Arah said, almost ashamed. “There’s only a few occupations that use guns in groups, and… I don’t think you guys are the police.” She swallowed. “So when I came up to you… ‘taking him away’... meant that you killed him?” 

Seonghwa nodded, and Arah looked like she expected as much. 

“Do you hate us for it?” Seonghwa asked honestly, because truly, she had every right to. “Do you regret it?” he asked calmly. 

Maybe Seonghwa should have explained it to her when she first came to him. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone along with her innocence. 

Arah had a right to feel betrayed, if she so chose. 

But she didn’t look up, staring at the table. “I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. “I… I know killing is wrong. But what he did was wrong too.” She still sounded as confused as that night. 

As if she still couldn’t figure out why someone so close to her had hurt her like that. 

How could they try and sit there and debate morality with an eight year old? How could Seonghwa try and explain that what they did was wrong, yes, but that they tried to be lesser of two evils in the world? 

“I don’t hate you,” she said, voice more sure than before, as if she had figured out at least this much. “I know you’re not... bad people. I know that,” she repeated, like she was reassuring herself. “So... I don’t hate you.” 

“Do you want to leave?” Wooyoung asked gently. “Now that you know what we do?” 

Arah shook her head without hesitation, fast and sharp, and there was a thin line of relief drawn through the table. 

“I like it here,” she confessed, still staring at her food. “And I love you guys….” She hesitated, then shook her head again, eyes misty. “I don’t want to leave.” 

Everyone at the table settled back in relief. 

“Then you should finish eating,” Seonghwa said calmly, picking his fork back up. “Hongjoong’s right, you’ll start shrinking.” 

It was… perhaps the strangest thing, to debate with her about the morality of living with her stepdad’s killers and then returning to normal dinner conversation. 

It took Arah a while to shake off her mood, but she opened herself back up when she cleared her throat near the end of the meal. 

“I got an A on my math test today…” 

~~~~~~~~

Time passed… differently with Arah around. 

Their lives suddenly were split between two things: their jobs and their kid. 

They had to deal with targets escaping and guns jamming and informants being difficult- 

But they also dealt with Arah shaking them away at midnight, in tears because of a nightmare. With Arah running into the meeting room to announce her perfect score on her homework. 

With Arah presenting them with drawings that slowly got better and better as San would go out and buy magnets to put them all on the fridge. 

With Arah slowly growing day by day- in skills, intelligence, and awareness. 

She knew what happened when one or a few of them would disappear for a few days- She knew what they were doing, now. 

She didn’t bring it up, and just told them to be safe as she hugged them goodbye, and said “welcome back” when they came back alright. 

As she grew older, they didn’t try and be quite so secretive, seeing no point in it. THey gave no gritty details, but they were honest with her. She had that right. 

But now more than ever, Arah knew what she could and couldn’t do, and so they had no problem cleaning their guns on the coffee table. 

It just meant that when they got called somewhere else, Arah would come in, huffing that they needed to move the guns because she needed to do homework. 

They would find files neatly stacked off to the side because she needed to make a snack in the kitchen and they were in the way. 

Knives shoved away from wherever she needed to be. 

Arah didn’t touch anything beyond shifting it far enough away not to get in trouble when the others came and saw they had left it behind. 

She was a good kid. A smart one. 

Very much too smart, as they would come to learn. 

~~~~~~~~

“What’s that?” she asked, pointing to a dotted line on the map that Wooyoung was studying. 

“Doorways,” he answered, frowning as he trailed a finger along the paper. 

“Then what’s that?” She pointed to a little curved line. 

“Air vents.” 

“Why would you need to know where those are?” 

“To climb through.” 

“Could you fit?”

“Only Hongjoong can fit, but we usually only use them as a last resort.” 

“What’s-”

“Arah, I will teach you what everything on the map means later, but for now I need to look at it.” 

She huffed. “Fine. But I’ll be back when you’re free.” 

That was how it started. 

Ten years old and being taught to read maps. 

Then, it was leaning over Mingi’s shoulder he worked on the computer, typing at the speed of light and somehow coming out with any information they would ever need. 

“Show me,” she demanded with wide eyes, sitting next to him and staring at his screen, poking him until he explained how everything worked. 

Then it was watching Yeosang as he cleaned his gun, pointing at every piece (from a distance) and asking what it was and what it did. 

Then it was reading information packets along with Hongjoong as he showed her how to pick out useful information. 

And god dammit, San, it was him that pushed it over the edge. 

“Where are you going?” she asked, trailing after him, skipping along with her textbook. 

“Target practice,” he explained, and her eyes trailed to his hip where his gun sat. 

“Can I come watch?”

San snorted dismissively. “Absolutely not,” he said firmly. “Go finish your homework.” 

“I just have to read a chapter,” she said passively. “And why not? I’d stay way far back!” 

“Because you’re twelve and Seonghwa would have my ass.”

“Are you that bad a shot?” she inquired, tilting her head innocently. “Think you might hit me?” 

San stopped, turning at her with an unimpressed expression. “No,” he said petulantly. “I’m one of the best shots on our team.” 

“Prove it,” Arah said innocently, smiling. “I want to see how well you can shoot!” She tucked her hands behind her back, smiling. 

_ Don’t give in,  _ San told himself firmly.  _ She’s playing you.  _

“Please?” she begged, expression turning to that of a puppy begging. “I’ll stay way far back, I’ll wear the earmuffs, and I’ll read after I just see a couple shots!” 

San sighed, rubbing at his eyes, Arah holding her breath until he sighed. “Fine,” he groaned, “but if you tell Seonghwa, you’re grounded.” 

Arah beamed, following behind him excitedly. As promised, she sat on a crate well behind San, put on her ear protection, and opened her textbook. And, as with everything Arah did, she studied him closely, watching the lines of his body and the position of his arms. 

He pointed the gun at the ground, waiting, and then suddenly a target popped up from nowhere. Arah’s eyes flew wide as San’s arms flew up, the shot firing before he had even steadied himself, and she saw the red middle of the target smoke with its new hole. 

It was the first time she had seen one of them in action. 

He did it again and again, finding his target so fast each time that Arah forgot about her homework, setting her book aside to watching completely. He dropped the gun after the last shot, and Arah actually gasped a little as he turned, hand grabbing a gun hidden against the small of his back in the waistband of his jeans. He repeated everything she had just seen. 

He never missed a bullseye. 

When he finally turned and gestured for her to take the muffs off, Arah did so with her mouth fallen open. San grinned. “See why I’m the best shot on our team?” he said smugly. 

Arah nodded, hopping down. “I have to go do something,” she said, grabbing her textbook. “Thanks for letting me watch, San!” 

~~~~~~~

Like the last bombshell, this was also dropped at dinner. 

“Can you teach me how to shoot?” 

Once again, forks dropped, Jongho choked, but Seonghwa didn’t even glance up from his plate. “Absolutely not,” he said without missing a beat. 

“You didn’t even think about it!” Arah complained. 

“Because I’ve been thinking about it ever since we got you,” he said plainly. “And I’ve been waiting for you to ask ever since you started learning the other stuff. And the answer I came to was ‘no’.” 

“But why not?” she demanded. “You let me learn everything else!”

“A map can’t kill you,” Seonghwa said firmly. “A computer doesn’t misfire.” 

“Everyone else is in danger of that happening too!” she fought. 

“They know how to make sure it doesn’t happen.” 

“Because they were taught! You can teach me how to do that too!” 

“No,” Seonghwa said, still not looking up. “You have no reason to learn.” 

“I didn’t have a reason to learn anything else, either!” Arah sat up straighter, expression firm. “I want to learn how to shoot!”

“Why?” Seonghwa asked, lifting his head finally, staring at her with dark eyes. “What reason can you possibly give me to allow it?” 

Arah hesitated because there really wasn’t one. She had no reason to know how to handle a gun. Except… 

“I could help you,” she said finally, voice strong. “When I’m good enough I could help you guys when you-”

“ _ No _ .” Arah winced at the sharp tone as Seonghwa stood up. “You’re not learning how to shoot, and that’s the final thing I have to say on it.” He stepped away from the table, and Arah opened her mouth to call after him, but he left the kitchen, and everyone stared either after him or at Arah. 

She sighed, slamming her fork down and pushing her chair away. “Arah,” Hongjoong said, reaching to stop her, but she slipped away, rushing out of the door. She closed the door to her room, climbing into her bed and yanking the covers over her head. 

She didn’t cry. But she fumed, angry tears clinging to her eyes but never falling. 

It wasn’t  _ fair.  _

Her door opened. For an enraging moment, she thought it was Seonghwa, but the footsteps paused by her bed, and a hand rested on her shoulder. 

“Arah?” Yeosang’s voice said quietly. “Are you okay?” His hand rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

She didn’t answer, which was answer enough. 

“Seonghwa isn’t being unfair,” he said comfortingly. “He came off as harsh… but he’s just protective of you. He’s scared something might happen. The rest of us knew what we were doing when we met each other. Seonghwa loves you a lot, he just doesn’t want to see you get hurt.” 

Arah said nothing, but a tear slipped down her cheek as she sniffled, her chest hurting. 

She heard Yeosang breathe out sadly. “Just try and understand where he’s coming from, alright? A gun isn’t a toy, it’s not the same as teaching you how to read a map.” 

Arah knew that.

Yeosang left, closing the door quietly. She knew that Seonghwa was only trying to look after her, was only scared for her, but did it stop it hurting that he shut her down so quickly? No. It didn’t. 

Some time later, her door opened again, and Arah figured it was either Yeosang again or one of the others coming to check on her. 

“Arah?” 

She stiffened at Seonghwa’s voice, and when his hand touched her shoulder, she rolled away, pulling the blankets up firmly. She heard him sigh softly. 

“I’m sorry I snapped earlier,” he said, voice heavy in a way she didn’t hear often. Her mattress shifted as he sat down on the edge. “But do you understand why I did?” 

Arah grit her teeth for a moment, fist clenched, but she nodded. He must have seen the top of her head move. 

“The first argument that was brought up when I first got you,” Seonghwa said quietly, almost wistfully, “was that this life was no place for a kid. Our jobs, our lives, our house- it was too dangerous. And I thought that it would be fine, that I could keep a line between it and you.”

Arah might have laughed if she weren’t so upset. The line between them had always been blurred at best. 

Seonghwa’s voice turned softer, more reminiscent of the nights she had nightmares and he would talk her to sleep. “But… our jobs are a part of us. And you are too, so it was impossible to keep the two apart.” He huffed almost in amusement. “You just  _ had  _ to be brilliant, didn’t you? You  _ had  _ to want to learn everything. You couldn’t be like normal kids and play videogames.” 

It fell flat to both of them. 

Arah didn’t answer, and his voice sobered. “But even as you were picking up pieces and parts of our lives… I swore that you would never cross that line. I would never let you be hurt by this life. And that becomes impossible if I let you pick up a gun.” 

Arah knew… to an extent that that was true. There would be no half-learning. 

She knew Seonghwa didn’t want her hurt. And that thought almost made her tears turn to that of guilt for requesting something that very much might. 

He was a quiet for a moment. “Hongjoong came and talked to me after I left…. He said that it would be good if you knew how to defend yourself. I almost snapped at him, almost told him that there was nothing you needed to protect yourself from…” 

He sighed, sounding so lost and tired, Arah slowly lowered her covers- just enough to barely see his shape bent over her bed heavily. She swallowed. 

“It was stupid of me to think you could be with us and not be in danger,” Seonghwa murmured, guilt in his throat. “I acted like it was the guns that made our lives dangerous, when it’s everything. You  _ know  _ things, Arah.”

When he looked at her it was with eyes that were dark with anxiety and fear- two expressions she was not used to seeing on Seonghwa. 

“You know about hits we’ve been on, about our targets,” he said quietly. “You know things about  _ us _ . And there are a lot of people who would do anything to get information on us. Even try and go through you.” 

Arah shifted slightly, turning under her blanket to face him. People… would go after her? 

“But I was blinded by a desire to keep you safe- distant, from all this.” His expression fell as he turned away once more, shoulder weighed down. “And I let it get this far without even stopping to think about what might happen if someone saw you or found out you were here. By trying to protect you, I’ve been putting you in worse danger.” 

She felt the urge to say something. To offer him some sort of comfort because he almost looked a little sick. But her tongue was frozen, almost in fear matching Seonghwa’s. 

“I want to keep you safe, Arah,” he said, not meeting her eyes. “Because if something happened to you… that would kill me.” Her eyes suddenly stung as she stared on silently. “But I also want you to be able to keep  _ yourself  _ safe… if there’s ever a situation where we can’t.” 

His voice fell into a hoarse whisper, roughed by futures he didn’t want to imagine, but had to prepare for. 

She pulled the covers down further. “Does that mean… you’re going to let me learn?” 

Seonghwa nodded slowly, but Arah didn’t feel a burst of triumph at getting her way. She sat up slowly, twisting the covers around her hands harshly. 

“I’ll be careful,” she promised. “And I won’t do anything stupid or anything like that. I… I don’t want you to have to worry.” 

Seonghwa’s lips twitched, and he reached forward, pulling her into a tight hug. Arah returned it quickly, resting her nose against his shoulder. Seonghwa would pat her head and tell her he was proud a lot, but hugs were usually reserved for more special occasions. 

“You’re mature, Arah,” he murmured as he squeezed her. “You’re smart, but you have to remember how young you are. You don’t need to be in a hurry to grow up. Don’t try and rush anything, okay? Let me have you as a kid a little while longer.” 

He chuckled wistfully, voice a little thick, and Arah didn’t look up, in case she saw him cry. 

She didn’t quite know… what that would do to her. 

Arah knew everything. 

She knew and remembered what happened to her stepfather, she remembered Seonghwa and a rainy night and showing up at this house that would become her home. 

She knew what they were doing when they left for a few days, and she knew what it meant when one of them were carried past her by the others, one of them pulling her away and covering her eyes quickly with a promise that shook too much that everything was okay.

She knew… and yet she stayed. Somehow, in a house full of murderers, she felt more safe and loved than with a man who was supposed to take care of her. 

She had grown up around these men, and it was strang. She wouldn’t call any of them father or brother or even uncle, but they were  _ family.  _

They didn’t have a specific label, though, but a general name of ‘a family.’ And she could think of Seonghwa as her father, but mostly he just existed as a constant in her life, like everyone else. 

A figure she looked to and followed elatedly. A figure that was quiet and reserved, but that made his love more obvious than that man she had asked him to take away. 

“I’ll be careful,” she promised. “And I’ll get really good at it so you don’t have to worry.” 

Seonghwa laughed into her hair. “Good luck with that one,” he chuckled. “But I trust you.” 

Arah swallowed thickly. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

~~~~~~~

And, like all things Arah did, she threw herself into this with all the force of a hurricane. 

It started with learning each part of a gun inside and out. Then taking it apart and putting it together. And it wasn’t until weeks later that she actually fired it for the first time. 

And weeks longer before she even managed to hit the target. 

And weeks more before she got half-decent. 

“Arah, did you finish your homework?” Hongjoong asked as he came in. San glanced up where he was instructing Arah on how to stand. 

Arah shook her head. “Ten more minutes,” she said, expression set hard. 

“Arah-”

San stepped back, and Arah pulled the trigger, hitting the target halfway to the bullseye. “She’s getting better,” San praised. 

“And she still has homework,” Hongjoong pressed. “March, squirt.” 

“I stopped being a squirt when I was ten,” she said firmly, putting on the safety. “But fine, I’ll do my homework, but I’m coming back down to practice.” 

“That’s something to take up with Seonghwa.” 

It was almost alarming, how quickly she progressed, and within the year, she was hitting the bullseye with all the accuracy of any of them. 

What made Arab special was her inability to know when to quit. It was a trait and downfall she undeniably picked up from all of them. 

The day they pulled out the moving targets… they thought they had seen conviction before. 

“Dinner time.” 

“Not until I hit this one.” 

“Arah, it’ll wait. Come eat.” 

“One minute!” 

“Arah, don’t make me take the gun away.” 

“I could shoot you.” 

“But I’d be moving and you’ve proven that you’re ineffective against those kinds of targets.” 

Arah clicked the safety on, turning to glare at Seonghwa who grinned. “Dinner, now. You didn’t eat lunch, so move it.” She sighed, setting the gun down and walking over. “You’ll get it,” he promised, petting her head as she passed. “Just take it easy. Breathe with it.” 

Within months, she could hit a moving target blindfolded. 

She had a knack for catching on once she could do it the first time. 

And, of course, she had to one up herself. 

It moved from handguns to rifles to snipers perched on the roof of the warehouse and aiming at sacks of flour set up everywhere. 

They should have known that Arab would never be satisfied. 

~~~~~~~~

“How’s it feel, San?” Yeosang asked, like he was picking out the juiciest gossip. 

“How does what feel?” he asked, cleaning the gun perhaps harder than was necessary. 

“Being usurped as the best shooter by a teenager.” 

“She’s not  _ better  _ than me,” he fought. 

“Really, because from where I was standing, it seemed like she hit that last target that you missed.” 

“That was luck!” he burst. “A one time fluke. I know she’s getting better quickly, but let’s be realistic. I’ve got way more experience than she’ll ever get.” 

Experience was very quickly being usurped by teenage determination and personal, unachievable goals that she  _ would _ find a way to achieve. 

Arah had spent her childhood believing she was worthless. Broken. Dispensable. 

Among these men, she felt powerful. Like she could learn to bend the world, if she tried hard enough. Never once had she felt weak or useless or not enough. 

She would rise to each challenge she set for herself to grow with them. 

Arah never knew when to quit. 

And maybe that was their fault. 

~~~~~~~~~

And suddenly she was sixteen. 

“Absolutely not,” Seonghwa said without even looking up from his work at his desk. 

“Why not?” Arah demanded, slamming her hand down. “Seonghwa, you know that it's bullshit that you teach me all this and then tell me I can’t help you!” 

“When we agreed to teach you, the stipulation was that you weren’t going to fight with us, and that hasn’t changed.” 

“But you know I’m good enough!” she begged. “Seonghwa, you know I could hold my own-” 

“I’m not saying you couldn’t,” Seonghwa said calmly, “but I am saying you won’t.” 

“ _ Seonghwa- _ ”

“I already gave you my answer, Arah.” 

She sucked in a deep breath, almost ready to blow, either going to continue yelling or storming out. But then she held her breath, and the anger was stayed for a moment as she breathed out long and hard. 

“Seonghwa,” she beseeched, hands clasped. “One chance. I just want  _ one  _ chance. Something easy, something where I’m bubble wrapped to hell and back, I don’t care. But I  _ need  _ to be out there.” 

“And why do you need to be?” he questioned skeptically, finally setting his papers aside. “Why do you want to be out there so badly, Arah?” he challenged. 

She held her breath again, fists flexing. “Because I’m tired of sitting back and not knowing,” she said quietly. “I’m sick of saying goodbye at the door and then biting my fingers until they all come home. San got hit once, and I didn’t get to see him for  _ weeks  _ until he was stable enough to be moved.” She wrung her hands together. “I just want to  _ help _ , Seonghwa. I want to be able to do something to  _ keep  _ them safe, instead of just hoping.” 

Seonghwa held her gaze for a moment before folding his hands together. “Arah, you’re asking to go out there and kill people.” 

She set her jaw. “No, I’m not. I’m asking to go out there and  _ protect  _ people. My people. My  _ family,  _ Seonghwa.” Her eyes begged harder than words ever could. “Just one chance,” she pleaded. 

Seonghwa stared at her, and Arah waited, holding her breath as he lowered his eyes to his papers once more. “One chance,” he said quietly. “Tell Mingi you’ll be going with San next time he’s out-” 

He was cut off because it’s hard to speak with arms around your neck. Arah squeezed the life out of him, almost crying with relief. “Thank you!” she gasped. “You’re the best, I’m not gonna let you down!”

Seonghwa touched her wrist gently, sighing. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” 

~~~~~~~~

“Arah, do you have eyes on the target?” 

“No, Hongjoong, I said ‘I spotted him’ because I saw a cute dog.” 

“Don’t make me turn this into your first mission.” 

“Everyone knows that train came out of nowhere!” 

“It came out of nowhere because I didn’t tell you it was coming.” 

“Hongjoong, if you go radio silent on me again, I’ll kick your ass-” 

“Ooh, language,” Yeosang scolded gleefully. “I’m telling Seonghwa.” 

“Hard to talk when you’re in a full body cast.” 

“Hard to put me in one when you’re two miles away from me, punk.” 

“Target’s in my scope,” she said, voice losing all humor as a man wandered out of a shop, eyes sharpening. “I can take a shot anytime now.” 

“I still don’t know how Seonghwa let you do this on your own. I mean, you’re really good, and I get that San’s still in Busan with Yunho, but he’s being awfully lenient-”

“San can’t hit a single internal organ,” Arah murmured, carefully leveling her rifle. “And according to Seonghwa, we only need this guy’s kidney gone. Give me a signal, Mingi.” 

“No word from Seonghwa yet,” Mingi said, voice slightly stiff. 

Arah’s shoulders tightened at the tone. 

“Why not?” The target paused on the sidewalk, checking his phone. “Mingi, I have a clear shot,” she said quickly. “I need to take it now if we want it done.” 

“Seonghwa hasn’t given the word.” Mingi’s voice tightened with each word. “Wooyoung, try and get through to him, tell him we need a decision  _ now _ .” 

“Target is changing direction,” Arah reported, muscles tense. He would pass behind a row of cars soon. “Mingi, I have to take the shot now.” 

“Not until we get the word from Seonghwa-  _ Wooyoung _ , anything?”

“His earpiece isn’t off, but he’s not responding.” 

Arah’s stomach disappeared for a different reason. “Why?” she demanded as the target passed through the cars and disappeared down an alley. “Target’s gone, I’m calling Seonghwa.” 

“Arah-”

She changed channels on her earpiece. “Seonghwa,” she demanded, but all that met her was slight static. “ _ Seonghwa _ ,” she snapped, pressing her earpiece closer, like it might help. “Seonghwa, if you don’t respond now, we’re assuming the worst,” she warned him, chest tightening with apprehension. 

The silence made her blood freeze as she switched back to the other channel. 

“-don’t answer right now, I’m going to find you and ground your ass, Arah!” Mingi’s voice finished as she picked up her rifle. 

“Seonghwa isn’t answering me either,” she said, tearing her rifle apart and shoving it away as she grabbed her bag and raced towards the ladder off the roof. “What was his last location?” 

“Arah, we can’t go running in,” Hongjoong told her sternly. “If his earpiece is still on, we can track it, but there must be a reason he isn’t answering.” 

“Yeah,” Arah snapped, sliding down the ladder without ever touching the rungs. “Like someone fucking snitched and they got his location.” She hit the ground, sliding her bag fully onto her back. “Yeosang, I need his last location,  _ now _ .” 

“Yeosang, do not give her-”

“ _ Dammit _ , Mingi, I have my laptop with me! You either give me the location now, or I find it out myself in five minutes- which could be five minutes too late.” She glanced frantically down the sidewalks. This is  _ Seonghwa _ , Mingi, do you think he would go radio silent if something didn’t go  _ terribly fucking wrong _ ?”

The static in her ear was unbearable until she heard a quiet sigh. “About a mile east of your location. 254 Briol Avenue, third floor.” Arah turned on her heel and raced off. “According to the tracker, his earpiece is still there, but there’s no indication that he’s with it.” 

“Start moving towards my position,” Arah said. “If something went wrong, I might need backup.” 

“Jongho and Hongjoong are already moving, they’ll be at the address in about ten minutes.” Yeosang’s voice was collected, but she knew that if she could see him, he would be anything but. 

Arah was fast, so the run there took less than four minutes with her shortcuts, but each step she took felt like one step being too late. 

This was  _ Seonghwa _ . Seonghwa never took chances, Seonghwa never let someone go off the radar, he never didn’t answer- 

“I’m at the address,” she panted, swinging her bag around to her front and digging in the front pocket. The building was an office building looking to be leased, empty and abandoned. She pulled her handgun from the front, clicking the safety off. 

“I’m heading up.” 

“Be careful, Arah,” Yeosang said softly. 

She moved as quickly as she could without inviting danger. She checked every corner she turned, racing up the stairs with loud footsteps she couldn’t be bothered to try and quiet. Her training was becoming practically innate by now. 

“I’m at the third floor,” she whispered, hand on the door out of the stairs. “I’m entering the room.” 

She shoved the door open, gun aimed at both her blind spots and then towards the center of the room. The building was meant to hold cubicles but the whole floor was open, one wall lined with windows. 

Which gave her a very clear view of the body lying in the center of the room. 

Arah would later kick herself for her complete disregard of everything she had ever been trained to do, but in the moment she only saw the body of someone she loved. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ !” 

She raced across the room, dropping to her knees beside him, her gun falling from her hands as she pressed her fingers to his pulsepoint. 

There was blood on his face and across his clothes, but she felt his pulse- strong and steady. She checked him over, finding a gash near his hairline, and when she examined the rest of him, it looked like all the other blood was from the one wound. 

She finally registered that the others were addressing her. “He’s alive,” she said, checking his arms. “He’s unconscious, but nothing looks bad.” She felt the back of his head and found a nasty thick bump there. “Probably a concussion, but nothing feels broken.” 

She reached behind herself and opened her bag, grabbing the water bottle there. Dumping some in her hands, she dripped it onto his neck, flicking some across his face. He twitched, brows furrowing. 

“Come on, Seonghwa,” she whispered, touching his shoulder. She flicked a little more water at him until his eyes blinked open, unfocused and tight, but alive. 

She breathed out, shoulders slumping. “Thank God,” she breathed. His eyes started closing again. “No, Seonghwa,” she said sternly, tapping the side of his face, making him wince. “Eyes open, come on.” He opened them halfway. “How many fingers do you see?” she asked, waving a couple in front of him. 

He blinked at them, swallowing. “Two.” 

“Who am I?” she asked, tapping him when his eyes dipped again. 

“Arah.” 

“Are you in any extreme pain anywhere?” She touched her earpiece, telling Mingi to get Jongho and Hongjoong to hurry up. 

He groaned when he tried to shift. “My head.” 

“Understandable,” she muttered, pulling her bag around and finding an extra t-shirt (for when they needed to stop fitting a description). She dumped some water on it, wiping the dried and fresh blood on his cheeks. 

“Don’t close your eyes, Seonghwa,” she ordered angrily when he began slipping. “Do you remember what you were doing?” 

He hissed when she touched near the cut that was still bleeding lazily. 

“‘M tired,” he murmured, blinking hard. 

“Yeah, and I’m tired of your bullshit,” she muttered. “You scared the shit out of us, Seonghwa.” 

“Sorry,” he replied, words slightly slurred. There was the subtle hint of a smile on his lips, but she did not share his amusement. 

Arah heard footsteps and grabbed her gun, turning to see Hongjoong and Jongho burst through the door. She relaxed. “You brought the car?” 

Jongho nodded, lips thinning at the sight. “Is he okay to move?”

“Once we stop the bleeding,” she said. “Grab me the first aid out of my bag.” 

It was the longest twenty minutes of her life, bandaging his head and helping Hongjoong and Jongho carry him down three flights of stairs. 

This was the first time she had been involved when one of them had been hurt. 

Her hands shook and she cursed them. 

~~~~~~~~

“You okay?” 

Arah saw a glass of water pushed into her line of sight. She lifted her head from staring at the kitchen table to Yeosang as he sat across from her. 

“Is he?” she returned, taking the water and tapping her fingers against the cold glass. 

“According to Mingi and Yunho, he’ll be fine. He’s resting now, and Wooyoung has been charged with waking him up every half hour just to be safe. He’s got a concussion, but it’s mild. A couple bruises that suggest a fight, and of course the cut on his forehead.” 

Arah rolled her lips, staring at the ripples in the water. “Someone found him… this was purposeful. Someone found him somehow. And we shot ourselves in the foot by choosing somewhere without any sort of surveillance. Did he say anything about seeing who it was?” 

Yeosang dropped his eyes. “No,” he said quietly. “He didn’t say much of anything, aside from answering all the questions Mingi asked. But we’re hoping that once he wakes up, he’ll be up to talking.” 

“Do we have  _ any _ way of knowing who it was?” she asked, looking up. “Any vendettas that have come up recently- a job that was too sloppy?” 

Yeosang didn’t look up, shaking his head. “You should try and get some sleep, Arah. You were up all last night prepping for the job.” 

“That we blew,” she sighed, rubbing at her eyes. “He got away, and it’ll take us another two weeks to find him.” 

Yeosang chuckled, looking up at her like she was a cute puppy doing tricks. “Go to sleep, Arah. We’ll wake you up if anything changes.” 

She nodded, taking a long sip of water. As she set it down, she saw how her hand shook slightly. She clasped one hand over it, swallowing thickly. 

“It’s different, isn’t it?” Yeosang asked softly. “It being Seonghwa…” 

It was. 

Not only because Seonghwa was someone special, but because Seonghwa never got hurt. Ever. The others would get banged up, someone pulled a weapon they never saw- and there were surface wounds and there were injuries they weren’t sure would heal properly- 

But not Seonghwa. Never Seonghwa. 

Arah cleared her throat and nodded. “Yeah, it is...” 

Of course, she didn’t really sleep, and anytime she did drift off, she would jerk back into awareness, like guilt was keeping her up. After God knew how long, she fell asleep long enough to actually dream, which of course, was the worst- with images she knew had never happened, but was aware would always be a possibility. 

She woke up without feeling rested, light shining in her eyes. She dragged herself up, opening her door and finding all the other bedrooms closed, but Seonghwa’s. Exhaustion left her as she hurried towards it, catching the doorframe to stare inside. 

She sighed in relief at Seonghwa sitting up, the others scattered around the room and bed. They all fell silent at her entrance, eight pairs of eyes staring at her in the doorway. She wet her lips. “How’re you feeling?”’ 

Seonghwa shrugged. “Better. My head just hurts.” 

Arah stepped inside, the weight of all their gazes doubling. She paused near the foot of the bed. “What?” she questioned. “You said you were going to wake me up when he woke up,” she said, eyes falling on Yeosang. 

“He hasn’t been up long,” he said, and he glanced away before he finished, which was the most obvious tell that Yeosang was lying. 

Arah felt something heavy settle in her chest. “What’s going on?” She questioned, looking around. 

“Nothing, we were just talking about a few things,” Mingi tried to calm, but Arah only felt panic take root. 

“About what?” she demanded. “Does it have to do with Seonghwa?” What if the attack had done some sort of permanent damage? 

“Seonghwa is fine,” San assured her, “everyone is okay.” 

“Then why are you acting like something is wrong?” she snapped fearful. “Is it about the target that got away?” 

“No, Arah,” Hongjoong said soothingly, but his expression was too tight. “You don’t have to freak out, it’s nothing-”

“There’s no such thing as something that’s  _ nothing _ ,” Arah shouted, fear raising her voice. “ _ All  _ of you are gathered in here- lying to me about  _ something-  _ and you expect me not to freak out when you’re obviously trying to keep something from me?” No one responded, but several people wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You guys need to tell me what’s going on.  _ Right now.  _ I have a right to know.” 

She stared with wide eyes, her blood chilled and her body trembling with accumulated anxiety. 

They never hid things from her. They never had a reason to. Why were they hiding this? 

Mingi glanced at Seonghwa who’s expression was tight, eyes staring at her like he was trying to decide how to break it to her. 

Internally, her panic rose to a crescendo. “I deserve to know,” she managed unsteadily. 

“You do,” Seonghwa agreed, a slight furrow to his brow. “But you need to remain calm about the whole thing.” 

God, they were not making it easy to remain calm, but she nodded. Seonghwa gestured for Mingi to go ahead. He reached for the side table and picked up a piece of folded, regular white paper that was splattered a rusty brown with dried blood. 

“We found this in Seonghwa’s jacket yesterday,” he said, stepping towards her and holding it out. 

Arah looked between the paper and Mingi before taking it. “What is it?” she asked, flipping it over. She tried not to cringe at the fact that this was Seonghwa’s blood across it. 

“A note,” Hongjoong said when Mingi hesitated. 

She looked up sharply. “You think the whole attack was just to get this note to him?” 

“The note isn’t for me,” Seonghwa said, and Arah’s brain had already jumped the track quickly enough to finish the thought. 

She unfolded the paper with unsteady hands. Inside was mostly blank, just a few words written in plain black ink. 

_ I can’t wait to meet her.  _

Arah’s stomach dropped. 

“There’s no female we’re in direct contact with but you,” San said, voice heavy. “It could be nothing- just a scare tactic, or something to make up paranoid.” 

“But you don’t think so,” she breathed, eyes scanning the note again and again. She had only been on jobs with them for the last year or so. “This doesn’t sound like someone pissed that we killed their brother, though,” she noted, glancing up. “This sounds like someone who’s been watching.” 

“We’re not assuming anything,” Seonghwa said firmly. “This is just something we’re taking note of.” 

“They knew where you were, though,” Arah said, glancing around the room frantically. “They knew  _ exactly  _ where you were. If they could get that information, they should have been able to get my location too.” She shook the paper. “This is them playing with us.” 

And slowly, the panic bled away into anger. 

These people were playing with them. With her and her  _ family _ . As if their lives were some game. 

They had hurt  _ Seonghwa  _ for a  _ game _ . 

She handed the paper to Jongho near her, eyes cold. “You didn’t see the person who did it?” 

Seonghwa shook his head. “I was hit from behind. All I know is that it was a male, a little taller than me, strong build.” 

Arah nodded once. “Got it.” She turned on her heel to leave. 

“Arah.” Seonghwa’s voice was stern enough to make her pause. “We’re not doing anything about this yet. We’ve still got intel to gather and people to talk to.” 

Her jaw flexed. “Awesome,” she said, voice dark. “While you’re doing that, I’m going to look at any video feed in the area.” 

“ _ Arah- _ ”

“No harm could come from that,” she said, peering over her shoulder. “But if there’s a chance something caught that guy, it makes our lives a lot easier.” 

She walked out the door. 

It felt wrong, leaving them all behind like that, but she didn’t think she was going to make the best company right now, with how much she wanted to tear something apart with her bare hands. 

She sat on the sofa, staring at the computer in front of her. There weren’t many cameras in the area (which they had chosen on purpose for their own benefit of not having to worry about them). The nearest one was an entire street over, but she pulled up every camera in a half mile radius to the building. 

The others eventually came out, passing her by without speaking to her, letting her do whatever she needed to. Occasionally, Yeosang or Yunho (who had returned) would pause near her, peering over her shoulder. 

“Anything?” they would ask, already knowing the answer. 

Arah would shake her head without looking away, playing her way through footage one frame at a time, one camera at a time. She saved frames of any man that fit the description Seonghwa gave that moved in the general direction of the street they had been on. Which, wasn’t as much as she’d expected. 

The process was monotonous, boring enough that her mind asked all the questions she didn’t have answers to. 

Why her? How long had this person known about her? Why would they turn it into a game? 

A hand suddenly pushed her laptop screen down, closing it, and she whipped her head up to snap, but stopped when she saw Seonghwa staring down at her, eyes gentle. 

“Time for bed,” he said softly. 

“Not tired,” she said, opening the laptop again. 

Seonghwa closed it. “Don’t make me use my dad voice,” he warned. 

Arah glared up at him. “I only have a couple more cameras to go through.”

“Go through them tomorrow.” 

“Seonghwa-” 

“Arah.” He leveled her with a stern look. “Go to bed.” 

“I’m not going to sleep, so I might as well do something besides lay in bed,” she snapped, opening her laptop again. 

Seonghwa didn’t close it immediately, and she resolutely didn’t look at him. Not even when he sat down heavily beside her on the couch. 

“Why aren’t you going to sleep?” he asked quietly, watching over her shoulder as she zoomed in on one camera. 

“Take a guess,” she said flatly, continuing on without paying him any mind. 

“I want to hear you say it.” 

“I already said it,” she muttered, feeling his hand resting comfortingly against her back. “I told you, you scared the shit out of us.” 

“Arah, I’m fine.” 

Her head jerked over to glare at him. “Well, I didn’t know that,  _ Seonghwa _ ,” she snapped. “I just walked in and saw you lying on the floor covered in  _ blood _ .” She looked away. “And now some asshole thinks he can fucking threaten my family like it’s some  _ game- _ ” 

“Language.” 

“I was  _ scared _ , Seonghwa,” she finally burst, turning to stare at him, laptop forgotten for a moment. “I  _ am _ scared. You didn’t answer your radio, and then you were-” She choked as dark eyes stared at her. “And I didn’t  _ know _ . And now this- this psycho is playing with us, and  _ he did that to you…  _ to get at me.” 

She swallowed thickly. Seonghwa’s eyes held guilt, deep and heavy on his already burdened shoulders. 

“He has resources, clearly, and he’s been watching us,” she hissed. “No one would go through all that trouble for a scare tactic, Seonghwa,” she whispered. 

Seonghwa sighed, rubbing at his tired eyes. “I know,” he admitted. They always knew he wasn’t just a scare tactic. 

“This isn’t something we can just wait out,” she stressed. “This guy has access to us, Seonghwa. And he’s already shown he’s willing to do something big just for a small impact. That makes him dangerous.” 

There was a silence between them until Seonghwa lowered his hand. 

“I forget that you’re good at your job, sometimes,” he confessed, not quite amused. Almost regretful. “And I forget that you’re only sixteen, too.” He rested his hand on her arm, squeezing it comfortingly. “It’s weird… how quickly I forget that you’re still young, just because you can take out a man at 2000 yards. And then I’ll go right back to treating you like a child, as if you can’t take out a man at 2000 yards.” 

Arah swallowed back the thickness in her throat as she stared at her keyboard. 

“We never discount your opinion, Arah,” he assured her gently. “And when you said before that we needed to take it seriously, we are. Because this guy targeted you specifically, and if you think any of us are going to let him get away with that, you didn’t deserve that early highschool diploma.” 

Arah looked over slowly, eyes stinging as Seonghwa quirked a lip wistfully. 

They were her family. Her father figures and care takers… but she was their little girl. 

She was the person Hongjoong refused to stop calling ‘squirt’ and that Yeosang still bought ice cream for… That was too young but too old, and begged to join this life, even though none of them had ever wanted her to… 

If she was terrified that these seasoned professionals would be hurt, what must they feel for this little kid? 

“I’m still not going to sleep,” she said, turning back to the computer. “When I finish going through these tapes, I’ll go lay down.” 

Seonghwa sighed, and Arah really wondered if she had won this argument. “Fine, then I guess I better get comfortable.” He settled back against the couch cushion, and Arah lifted an eyebrow. He returned it. “What? I’m not going to bed until you do.” 

“You have a  _ concussion _ .” 

“And you’re sixteen. I don’t have to listen to you.” 

Arah raised a fist that would never fly, and Seonghwa gestured for her to continue. “Let me know what you find.” 

Sometimes Seonghwa could be an ass. 

She sighed, rolling her eyes, and continued her work. 

Despite his earlier statement, Seonghwa was still recovering, so when his head slid sideways onto her shoulder, Arah sighed, closing her laptop with one camera feed still untouched and shook him. “Let’s go,” she whispered. “Bedtime.” 

Seonghwa chuckled as she helped him up. “You’re sixteen. I can make my own bedtime.” 

“Yeah, sure, just keep walking, old man.” 

Seonghwa huffed. “You’re mean when you’re tired.” 

“I can get meaner.” 

Seonghwa smiled, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. “Good night,” he said with finality as she swatted at him. “Actually try and sleep.” 

She hummed. “Try not to vomit and choke in your sleep.” 

He gave her a smile as if to say ‘what happens, happens.’ She raised another fist as he closed his door, leaving her alone in the hallway. 

She stood there for a moment, in the silence and darkness, absorbing it and using this moment where she felt no panic of a specific point. After her moment was over, she opened her door and went to bed. 

~~~~~~~~

“I have eyes on the target,” Arah said, poised on the roof of a high class restaurant, watching the door of the apartments across the street open. 

The sound of shoes against concrete behind her grit on her nerves. “ _ Dammit _ , Yunho, stop shifting around.” 

Yunho was the only reason she was allowed out here after that note. 

After Mingi got another hit on their runaway target, everyone was against Arah going back out. But, they didn’t want this guy dead, they just needed his kidney gone (It was a weird thing with a customer and him giving it to someone. They didn’t ask questions.) and Arah was the only one precise enough to ensure that was the only thing hit (no matter what San liked to boast). 

So, Yunho was there to watch her back and also keep her safe should something happen. In fact, no one was traveling alone, after what happened to Seonghwa. 

“This is the most uncomfortable rooftop I’ve ever staked out on,” he muttered, settling in quieter. 

“Waiting on word from Seonghwa,” Yeosang said. “Keep your aim, you’re gonna have to take the shot fast.” 

“On it.” 

Her crosshairs never wavered as the man waited at the bottom of the steps to his apartment. He caught the eyes of someone walking down the street, and waved. 

“Hold on,” Arah said quickly. “Target is engaging with someone. They clearly know each other.” 

They shook hands, the stranger grabbing something from his coat and handing it to the other. The target nodded, slipping it into his pocket. 

“Seonghwa says take the shot once the stranger is out of range,” Hongjoong said. “Make it count, Arah.” 

“They exchanged something,” she reported. 

“We can check out the body afterwards, but we can’t take the risk that he gets way again,” Wooyoung said sternly. “The call is yours once they part ways.” 

“Alright.” Their conversation lasted maybe thirty seconds, but Arah kept her gun trained firmly on the target. The men shook hands once more and the stranger walked into the apartment building. The target took one step away from the building. 

“Take the shot,” Yunho urged. 

She waited until he had turned away from her side of the street. “Taking it,” she reported, pulling the trigger. 

She heard the discharge of her gun. 

Saw the bullet hit its mark. 

And then, almost like an echo, another gunshot echoed between the streets and Arah fell back with a cry of pain as fire tore through her arm. 

She heard people yelling- in her earpiece and in her ear- and there was another gunshot, but louder than all of it was the blood rushing in her ears as one hand kept a slick grip over her left upper arm. She breathed heavily through gritted teeth. 

“Arah!” She gasped as Yunho smacked her face, but it shook her out of the pain enough to open her eyes, laying on her back and staring up at him. “Move your hand,” he ordered, pulling at her wrist. 

“Who the fuck shot me?” she grit, barely audible through her teeth, head falling back as her arm throbbed when Yunho removed her hand. 

“Seonghwa and the others are looking into it. One of the lower windows on the apartment building was open, they’re checking it out.” Yunho’s voice shook, but his hands were steady where they pulled up the sleeve of her shirt. “It just grazed,” he breathed, relieved. “It’s a deep graze, but there’s no bullet left inside.” 

“I don’t care, just numb it,” she begged, chest heaving, making her head spin. 

The longer they sat there, the more the pain grew, making tears prick at her eyes as it throbbed with her entire body. 

“Just keep breathing,” he said calmly, digging around in her bag. 

Yunho suddenly touched his earpiece with a bloody hand. “Stop fucking yelling in my ear, Hongjoong,” he snapped, “I’m trying to take care of Arah.” He paused, and Arah realized she could hear Hongjoong yelling through her earpiece too. 

“Well, report on the situation!” he snapped. “It tends to create a stir when you just report that Arah was  _ shot  _ and then go  _ radio silent _ !”

“She’ll live,” Yunho said, tugging the collar of her shirt up and making her bite it as he poured something over her arm. 

The scream she let out as it burned did not abide by the statement that she would live. Her vision was spotty from the pain, but she heard Yunho say something about sending Hongjoong with the car so they could get her out of here. 

Arah spent the next few minutes focusing on her breathing- deep and even, so she didn’t pass out. Everything around her passed in a blur as Hongjoong appeared, helping Yunho get her down from the roof. They put her in the back of the car, and it was only then that she allowed her eyes to close. 

“Are the others all okay?” she asked, voice stiff and rough. 

Hongjoong glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “Seonghwa says they didn’t find whoever did it, but they know it came from that apartment building through the open window. It wasn’t in anyone’s room. Some sort of common lounge. They’re doing some more recon before heading back.” 

The ride passed in silence, only broken by her tiny cries when the car would bounce. 

~~~~~~~~

Arah knew the exact moment when Seonghwa and the others got back. 

It was hard to miss the door slamming and feet pounding down the hall. She sat on the sofa, Yunho and Hongjoong working around her as she stared at the ground. 

She felt something like shame in her chest, hot and painful. 

“ _ Where- _ ” Seonghwa call was cut off when he entered the room and saw her on the sofa. 

Arah met his gaze briefly, lowering her eyes in shame. 

He rushed over, dropping down beside her. “Let me see,” he said, and Arah didn’t meet his eyes as she shifted, showing the bandages wrapped around her upper arm. She couldn’t lift it, and it throbbed with every beat of her heart, but Yunho had given her some painkillers that kept her from gritting her teeth. 

Seonghwa’s eyes were dark storm, staring at the bandages, and she could see such a mix of fear and anger and heartbreak. 

She couldn’t find any words to comfort him. Didn’t think any words existed that could comfort him from something like this. 

“It’s my fault,” Yunho suddenly spoke up, running a hand through his hair. “I was supposed to be watching-”

“Oh, shut up,” Arah sighed, rolling her eyes. “If I hear a single person trying to take blame for this, I’m walking out of this house. You were supposed to watch my back. If anything, I’m the shit that couldn’t watch my front.” She pulled away from Seonghwa’s touch, wincing but determined not to be weak. “Did you find anything?” 

Seonghwa needed to realize that Arah had spent her entire life around all of them, and she knew how to read them like books. 

His lips pressed together tightly, eyes dark and stormy, and she knew he was trying to decide if he should tell her something or not. 

“Seonghwa, if you even think about keeping something from me after I just got  _ shot- _ ”

“This,” Wooyoung said, stepping up and holding out a piece of paper. Seonghwa gave him a sharp look, but Arah took the paper quickly. 

It was normal paper, folded twice. 

Her brow knitted together tightly. “This is the same paper that stranger gave the target during their conversation,” she said, looking up. Seonghwa nodded once. She swallowed, opening the first fold. Same black pen, same sparse writing. 

_ She seems like a nice girl.  _

The anger was back like a flash grenade. She opened the next flap. 

_ Be a shame if something were to happen to her ;P  _

A smiley face. They wrote… a smiley face. On a letter that was obviously threatening her. 

She wanted to crush the paper, but she just shoved it back at Wooyoung before she could harm the evidence. 

“What kind of fucked up-”

“You were the only one who saw the stranger’s face,” San said quietly. “We’re going to have to start seeing if you can match him with someone.” 

Arah wanted to run or scream or shoot someone- preferably the person doing all this. “There’s no guarantee that the person I saw was the man behind it all. In fact, chances are, he isn’t.” 

“No,” Yeosang agreed. “But it is likely that he’s the one who shot you, which means he can’t be a nobody if he got you while you were three stories up, across the street.” 

Arah stared at her hands, flexing her good one. “Do you think he set up the target?” she asked, voice hollow. “It’s a little perfect, isn’t it? The gun had to have already been in place.” 

The silence in the room was enough answer for her. “Why  _ me _ ?” she asked, lifting her head, eyes stinging. “Out of all of us- All of you who have been doing this for so long… Why would they target  _ me _ ?” 

The people around her wouldn’t meet her eyes. And even as she said it, the answer was so clear, it burned. 

“It’s pretty obvious…” Hongjoong shook his head. “It’s not hard to see that the weak point to any of us… is you. Especially if this guy’s been watching us as closely as it seems he has.” 

And God, Arah knew that he didn’t mean it like that, but the words dug at her heart. 

“Right,” she rasped quietly, vision blurring. “A weak point...” She felt tears build in front of her eyes and stood. “Right,” she whispered, stepping around Seonghwa, walking down the hall to her room. She locked the door behind her. 

She had tried so hard… for so long… to keep up. To not be a burden. To excel as much as she could so that the others wouldn’t have to worry about her. 

And all of it became useless to the fact that everyone here was too close. 

She didn’t sob or cry her heart out. She just sat on her bed and let the tears fall without trying to wipe them away. It wasn’t heartbreaking or world ending, but it hurt. 

It hurt that she still wasn’t good enough. That she could, really, never be good enough. That something as stupid as a single bullet could do something like this to her. It didn’t matter how well she could shoot, she was as weak against a bullet as the people she took out. 

A knock came at her door after her tears had all run out. 

“Arah?” Wooyoung’s voice called quietly. She didn’t answer, and she heard him walk away. 

She laid down in bed, staring at the wall. Where did they even go from here? If the man had indeed created a setup with the target, then he had access to their informants- people they  _ trusted _ . 

She could go back through all those people she saved photos of, see if the man matched any of them, but could she even remember what he looked like? 

Yes. 

She could picture him inside her head. She hadn’t been focused on him, but her brain had decided that, yes, he was important to remember. She would go through and see if any of them matched. If not… 

Another knock on her door drew her attention, but then Seonghwa’s voice came through. “Arah, can you open the door, please?” 

She sighed, closing her eyes and sitting up. Unlocking the door, she opened it only a little as she peered out at Seonghwa who watched her pensively. “Are you okay?” She nodded slowly. “Can I come in?” 

“Are you going to lecture me about how Hongjoong didn’t mean it and that’s not how it is?” She asked skeptically. 

Seonghwa’s lips quirked. “Only if you need me to.” 

“I don’t.” 

“Then, no, I won’t.” Arah stepped back. Seonghwa stepped inside and she closed the door again, moving and sitting on her bed, staring at Seonghwa who leaned against the wall. “Hongjoong didn’t mean it like that.” 

Arah looked up, unimpressed. “You said you weren’t going to lecture me.” 

“It’s only lecturing if I drag it on,” he excuse, mouth quirked, but amusement dying. “Seriously, Arah, you aren’t a weakness to us.” 

“But I am,” she pressed, fingers gripping the edge of the mattress. “Maybe not in a fight, maybe I can keep up as well as any of you, but I  _ am _ a weakness. The same way you all are weaknesses to me.” She wet her lips. “It’s like when I found you in that building- I forgot everything about being safe and checking surroundings, I only knew you were hurt and I had to do something.” 

“We can’t help that,” Seonghwa said sternly. “And that’s not weakness, it’s just an extra awareness we have.” 

“You are  _ always _ going to be checking over your shoulder for me,” Arah said, sighing. “Not because you think I can’t handle myself but because you are scared something might happen regardless. You can’t deny that, Seonghwa.” And he didn’t. Arah wiped at her face. “Was there another reason you came in?” 

“You’re not going on anymore jobs for now.” Part of Arah thought that might be a breaking point where she snapped, but she just nodded solemnly. “That’s it?” Seonghwa questioned carefully. “You’re not going to try and fight me on it?” 

Arah shook her head. “I was shot, Seonghwa,” she said, voice oddly dull. “A few inches right and that bullet could have gone through my head.” She rested a hand on the bandage around her. “I think he missed on purpose. If he was able to get me at all from the angle he was at, he should have been able to hit anywhere he wanted.” 

When she looked up, Seonghwa’s jaw was tight, eyes like steel. Neither of them liked thinking about how easy it could be for any one of them to just… not come home.

“So, no,” she said quietly, lowering her eyes. “I think it’s best I don’t go on anymore jobs. Maybe next time he’ll decide he’s bored of the game.” 

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Seonghwa said sharply, and Arah pressed her lips together tightly, blowing out through her nose in a huff. 

“That’s why you don’t want me to go,” Arah fought, looking up through her eyelashes, eyes burning. “There’s too high a chance that he’ll decide to stop playing and just end me-”

“Arah,” Seonghwa warned, and it wasn’t anger in his voice, but fear. “Stop.” Like he couldn’t bear to think about it. 

She dropped her head, bringing her good arm up to cover her eyes that stung. 

“You’re scared,” Seonghwa said quietly. “And when you’re scared, you start lashing out.” He crossed the distance between them in two strides, sitting down beside her. “But we aren’t going to let him touch you, understand?” He grabbed her chin gently, turning her to face him, eyes sharp. “We are  _ never _ going to let him get to you, Arah.” 

The conviction in his voice was something she was used to hearing and ignoring in favor of whatever pessimistic comment she could think of, but this time, she nodded, latching onto the voice that had never led her astray and holding onto it tightly. 

It wasn’t really a special occasion, but she leaned forward, hugging him tightly. Seonghwa rested a hand on her head, petting her hair gently. 

“What’s going to happen?” she asked quietly, voice muffled by his jacket, trying not to let fear color her voice. 

She had to be brave for him. 

“The others are already working on getting suspects together for you to look at,” he said, voice rumbling against her ear comfortingly. “We’re looking at footage and fingerprints- everything.” 

Arah nodded against his shoulder. “I want to help.” 

“I want you to rest,” he pressed softly. “Just for a little while,” he requested. It sounded like it was more for his comfort than her own. “Just… take a minute without working, Arah. You’ve been through a lot today.” 

Arah would have fought, but the day had been a frightening one for both, so she just nodded. “You’ll wake me if they find anything?” 

Seonghwa promised quietly, and she closed her eyes for a moment. 

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Seonghwa said, his tone carrying the barest hints of what kind of fear he felt when the report first came through that Arah had been hit. 

Those terrifying seconds where all you knew was that your kid was shot and you didn’t know where or how bad. 

That helplessness. That fear. That guilt that you didn’t protect them. 

“I’m tough,” Arah said, chuckling slightly despite it all, trying to reassure him. “I eat bullets for breakfast.” 

“No, you eat sugary junk food for breakfast. I’m pretty sure half the ingredients in that cereal give you cancer.” 

“They give me energy,” she corrected, nudging him. She sighed, pulling away. “I’ll try and sleep.” 

“Good,” Seonghwa said, standing and patting her head petulantly one more time. “When you wake up, we’ll have some work for you to do.” 

~~~~~~~~

Arah hated coffee. She preferred stuff like energy drinks or carbonated sodas to keep her mind awake. 

So when she woke up after a fitful sleep broken up by her accidentally rolling onto her bad arm, she saw Yeosang standing apologetically over her, and knew she was going to need  _ something _ . “Hey,” he whispered. “Feel up to looking at some pictures?” 

Arah sat up, wincing at her arm, groaning. “How long was I asleep?” she asked, rubbing at her face. 

“A few hours. It’s past dinnertime, but we wanted to get this out of the way.” Arah nodded sleepily, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. 

“You can go back to sleep afterwards,” Yeosang promised. She hummed, heading straight through the living room and to the kitchen. She opened the fridge, searching for a can of soda and found nothing. 

“Who drank the last soda?” she groaned, rubbing at her eyes. 

“Mingi,” Hongjoong threw under the bus, holding out a mug to her. “Here, drink this.” 

Arah wrinkled her nose at the scent of coffee, but it was Hongjoong’s so at the very least it was full of sugar and milk and not nasty, disgusting black coffee that Seonghwa drank. She took it, chugging half of it like a shot of alcohol. 

She sat at the coffee table, a mixture of everyone sitting around her. “Hit me with it,” she croaked, bitter coffee on her tongue. 

Pictures were slid at her, some sharp and clear, and some blurred and grainy, but she set aside any that could be the man she saw. In the end, she had a stack of four, staring at them intently. She closed her eyes, replaying the scene over and over and over- 

“Don’t hurt yourself, squirt,” Hongjoong said lightly and she waved a sharp hand at him. 

All she could see was the man’s clothes, but his face… his hair… She slid one picture off the table. “Hair’s too light,” she muttered, glancing between the remaining three. 

“We can work with this,” Seonghwa assured her. “You can go back-”

“No, I  _ know  _ what he looked like,” Arah insisted, scanning them almost painfully. She stared at their faces, and frowned. “None of these are him,” she muttered absently. She leaned close to each one, and while they would match any description she could give of the man, none of them were  _ him _ . “Do you have anyone else?” she asked, looking up.

Yeosang shook his head. “These are the only men that fit any part of the description you gave.” 

Arah sighed, gathering up the thick stack again and laying them out one by one- tossing some away and setting some aside. Absently, she had finished the coffee as an hour slipped by.

“It’s possible he’s not in there,” Seonghwa reminded her. 

“But he  _ should _ be,” Arah said, peering at one for several moments. “He walked by several major areas- we should have his face somewhere.” She weeded through all the clear photos, shuffling through grainy, dark photos. This man was clever, and he may just know how to avoid cameras that may cause issue- 

She froze, about to throw away a photo, but brought it back to her face. The man in front, walking down the street, was not him. He was too tall. 

But the small figure a few feet behind him, in the background of the photo, leaning against a wall… 

“This is him,” she said, pointing to the figure. “The one against the wall.” 

Seonghwa took the paper, staring at it. “You’re sure?” 

“As sure as I can be without seeing the man in person again,” Arah said. “But that is him. He…” Her spine chilled. “I can tell.” 

Seonghwa passed the paper to Yeosang. “Get on it. See if he pops up anywhere else, try and clean up the picture.” Yeosang nodded, taking it and walking off towards the warehouse. Seonghwa stood, walking over to Arah and bending to kiss the top of her head. “Good work,” he said quietly. 

“Can I go back to bed now?” she asked, rubbing at her eyes. The coffee hadn’t done much but act as a distraction and her brain felt mushy and her eyes hurt from staring so long. 

“You  _ want  _ to go back to bed?”

“Yes,” she groaned. 

“Then far be it from me to ever try and stop you,” Seonghwa chuckled. “Sleep till morning and we’ll take our next steps then.” 

~~~~~~~~

They started refusing jobs. 

“Not all of them,” Arah begged. “Seonghwa, you know how dangerous that could get. People are going to start wondering and asking questions, and we don’t need more attention on us.” 

She winced as Hongjoong unwrapped her arm, checking on the wound. 

Seonghwa nodded, very pointedly not watching the scene. “I understand that. But if you’re the one he’s interested in, and he was willing to get that close to killing you, the rest of us are just pawns in the way. I don’t want anyone out there exposed like that.” 

“But if you refuse everyone, you’re only going to attract more attention,” Arah fought. “And God forbid this guy think he’s got an upper hand on us. His ego is probably the only thing that kept me alive back there.” 

Arah risked a glance down at the slice through her arm. It had taken out a good chunk of her upper arm and it hurt like a bitch, but felt better after Hongjoong rewrapped it. 

“Better to take a risk of looking weak than a risk of losing someone,” San added calmly. “I don’t like it either, but we aren’t going to risk ourselves like that. It isn’t worth it.” 

Arah pressed her lips together tightly. It seemed almost like… giving up to her. She knew it wasn’t, but everything they were revolved around this job and putting it on hold just seemed… wrong. 

“Besides,” Seonghwa added. “Mingi and the others are all working completely on tracking the man who gave the letter. They wouldn’t be much help to us and this case is our top priority.” 

Arah sighed, but knew fighting would only waste her own breath. 

“I’m going to get a snack,” she muttered, heading to the kitchen. 

She sat at the table with a half sandwich, her limbs feeling jittery and angry. Her blood was flowing too quickly, looking for a fight that they couldn’t have. She hated this game of tag the man had set up. She didn’t deal in backhanded tactics and surprises. She dealt in single shots and firefights. 

Shoving the rest of her food in her mouth, she got up, slipping down the hall to the door to the warehouse. 

One of her arms was basically out of commission, but she didn’t really need two arms to shoot. She chose a weaker handgun, holding it in her good hand (thankfully her dominant hand) and fired rhythmically at the targets that appeared. 

It hurt. The shockwave through her body jarred her bad arm, but it didn’t stop her from pulling the second gun from her boot. 

Two empty guns later, she felt better emotionally, even if she grit her teeth against the pain throbbing in her muscles. She dropped the gun suddenly, hissing as she grasped at her injury, cursing herself and everything else. 

“Self destruction is rarely a wise choice.” 

Arah hissed in breath between her teeth as she turned to glare at Hongjoong that didn’t have any real heat behind it. “Are you going to drag me to Seonghwa and have him lecture me about my health?” she asked bitterly. 

Hongjoong smirked. “That doesn’t sound like what the cool older brother would do,” he said, stepping further into the warehouse. “But he would ask why you’re shooting angrily in a way that is clearly hurting yourself.” 

Arah sighed, leaning against a crate and staring at the concrete floor. “Because I’m an angsty teenager who has no outlet for the unbidden rage inside of myself except through violence. But the one man I’d like to exert violence on isn’t here, so-” She gestured to herself. “Self destruction.” 

Hongjoong hummed sharply, like it was a good point. “Well, you’re self aware, and that’s all I can ask. Mindless self destruction is one thing, but if you know what you’re doing, I’m not worried about you.” He gestured to her arm carelessly. “Did you fuck anything up in it?” 

She shook her head slowly. “No. Just sore and throbbing.” 

“Are you going to keep putting stress on it?”

“No.” 

“What are you going to do?”

“Bother Seonghwa until he gives me something to do to help with this whole thing. And also, bribe Mingi into going to the store to get me some soda.” 

~~~~~~~

“I’ve never seen Mingi cave so hard,” Wooyoung chuckled, passing Arah a pack of papers. 

“I’m injured. He would be the back guy if he didn’t cave.” She felt slightly better, mostly for Hongjoong actually managing to wheedle Seonghwa into giving her something to do. And while reading through every stitch of information they had on the human population wasn’t her ideal job, it was something, which was better. 

They looked for anything- anything that could prove that someone knew about her or could get access to their informants. 

The door kicked open and Mingi appeared looking very frazzled. “You sent me to the market on a Saturday afternoon,” he sighed, dropping the bag onto her desk with a glare. “So many people were bumping into me- I almost got swallowed by a crowd! I think I was violated by an old woman.” 

Arah snorted as she set aside the papers. “Nobody wants to violate you, Mingi. Not even lonely old ladies are that desperate.” 

He flicked the back of her head, but she just laughed as she grabbed the bag and pulled out a can of soda, cracking it open and taking a swig as she shifted the cans aside. “Did you actually get me some candy like I-” 

She froze. 

The two people in the room glanced over at her sudden choked silence. “Arah?” Wooyoung asked, rolling his chair over. 

What he saw was a little piece of folded white paper in Arah’s hand, slightly damp from being in the bags with the sodas. 

Mingi snatched it away while Arah was still in shock, flipping it open and then immediately slapping the soda can out of her hand, not even caring that it spilled all over the papers they had been working on. 

Arah jumped at the sudden attack, turning, and she could make out a flash of black ink-  _ Drink up, buttercup.  _

Her stomach rolled violently. Had something been in the drink? 

Reason shoved the panic down. The drink had been unopened, it was impossible that he had put anything inside. There was no way Mingi could have missed someone doing it after he had chosen his drinks, and they’d have no way of knowing which he would choose to tamper with it beforehand. 

“Let’s get Seonghwa,” Arah whispered, standing a little unsteady and walking from the room. 

The small gathering in the living room was worse than a funeral. Seonghwa stared at the piece of paper, looking ready to rip it to shreds. “When did he plant it?” he said, voice quiet but dark. 

Mingi shook his head, looking slightly ill. “The market was crowded- people were bumping into me, it could have been any of them.” The hardness in his voice sounded like guilt. 

“And there was nothing in the drink?” Seonghwa demanded for the tenth time. 

Arah shook her head. “If there was, he’s a magician, and there’s not much for us to do but wait and see. I feel fine, though, and I don’t think he could have.” She bit her lips hard. “But this raises even more concerns,” she said hoarsely. “He knows what Mingi looks like.” 

Hongjoong’s team- Mingi, Yeosang, and Wooyoung- were not field agents. They were intel. They stayed behind the scenes, only talking through earpieces, and if they did have a direct eye on a target, they were well hidden. 

Knowing what one of them looked like meant he was watching them closer than they ever imagined before. 

“He also knew the sodas were for me.” 

“That could have been a lucky guess,” Yeosang said flatly, not even believing it himself. “He could have just known we’d see it.” 

“Passed experience says that’s bullshit,” Wooyoung muttered. “And now he’s turning it into more of a game than ever. There wasn’t even any reason for it- he just wanted to show us he could.” 

There was a chill in Arah’s bones that hadn’t gone away for a while, and she suppressed a shiver as Seonghwa set the note down. “It would be a lot easier if we knew what he wanted.” 

“Attention?” Yeosang threw out. “Acknowledgement?” 

“But what does that have to do with Arah?” Wooyoung pressed. “He’s targeting her specifically.” 

“He might just think that’s the quickest way to get our attention.” 

“He accomplished that with the first note, and definitely with the second,” Mingi said. “Why keep going if-” 

The door opened quickly, making all the tightly wound people in the room jump, and Hongjoong winced at the loud noise as he entered, holding a folder. “Sorry- But there may actually be some sort of not shitty news,” he said, dropping it onto the table. 

Seonghwa grabbed it before it even hit, flipping it open as Hongjoong sat on the arm of a chair. “We cleaned up the picture,” he said. “Enough to run his face through some systems, and we got a few hits- the quality wasn’t great, but if Arah can look at the three we did get back, we can know everything we need about our guy.” 

Arah leaned forward, snatching the folder from Seonghwa which earned her a glare, but she was already lining up the photos. All three men looked relatively the same, and for a moment she almost despaired over not being able to tell such minute detail, but then she looked at the middle photos lips. 

The stranger had smiled when he handed over the paper… 

“This one,” she said, tapping it. “The others have the wrong lips.” 

Hongjoong glanced at the photo and shifted some of the papers around. “Congratulations, Mister…” He looked at the front of a packet. “Kim Gyeohun. You’ve got a death warrant.” 

“Get on it,” Seonghwa ordered, gathering the folder back up. “I want to be able to do something by tomorrow.” 

Hongjoong stood, the rest of his team following, all parties heading to help locate and track the man in question. Which left her and Seonghwa alone. 

The recent events had changed the way they were alone together. It had put a spot in the middle of their lives, and it wasn’t  _ bad _ . It hadn’t  _ hurt  _ it. But it was always there, like something hiding in your peripheral, making you afraid something was about to jump out at you. 

“Why would it be me?” she asked quietly, drawing patterns on the table. “It can’t just be because he wants to gain your attention. He’s gone too far for that.” Her brows knit together. “But if it is something to do with me personally, why would he not give me some way to contact him back?”

Her breath came a little short as her lungs tightened. 

“If he doesn’t want a correspondence right now, he’s probably leading up to something bigger,” she reasoned quickly. “He’s trying to scare us and make us paranoid, and he maybe thinks that it’ll make us more willing or catch us off guard, but-” 

“Arah.” Seonghwa’s gentle voice stopped her little ramble, and she looked up to see him watching her with an odd mix of fondness and exasperation. “You’ll talk yourself in circles like that.” 

She sighed, resting her cheek against her fist. 

He squeezed her hand gently. “Once they locate Gyeohun, we’ll move in and have a nice chat with him and we’ll have more information. That’s our biggest downfall right now, is not having enough info to go on. Hopefully, we’ll be able to gain some footing with this.” 

Arah nodded, defeated by reason, but it didn’t stop the chill in her bones. 


	2. Step 2: Protect Them Until You Can’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m baaack~~  
> Thank you to everyone! I seriously did not expect as many people to like this, but I’m so ecstatic at the response I got from this!!  
> I hope you enjoy this next chapter just as much, so please let me know what you think!!  
> Have an amazing day, lovelies~ 
> 
> -SS
> 
> (P.S.: I’m so sorry...)

It was anticlimactic, the process of locating Gyeohun. Like all the jobs they had done a million times before. 

Mingi came in the next morning, told Seonghwa they had a hit, and within the hour, Seonghwa and the others were gone to do whatever was necessary. Arah sat on the couch, not going with them for the first time in a long time, and Hongjoong sat beside her, urging her to actually eat her food, rather than just stare at it. 

Her mind was a whirlwind of worry, of what ifs, but she had learned long ago that voicing them only made them worse, so she shoved them down and tried to distract herself by eating and pushing Hongjoong when he called her squirt. 

Morning bled into afternoon passed into evening, and soon it was midnight with no word from the others.  


“It’s an interrogation,” Hongjoong reminded her as she stood to stretch her legs and walk around. “It’s going to take a while, especially if he’s uncooperative. They’re fine- they’re  _ all  _ there. If something went wrong, at least one of them would be able to get back to us.” 

Arah paced until the brink of dawn where she was suddenly asleep on the couch where she had been trying to keep vigil. And when she woke in the late morning, and Yeosang was beside her, shaking his head to answer her unvoiced question, she curled up, and waited some more. 

It was no particular time of day when the door of the house opened, but Arah dropped the plate she was cleaning into the soapy water, rushing into the hallway to find the others filing in. Their faces were grim, like they always were when they had these types of jobs, but not hopeless like they were when these jobs went wrong. 

“Everything okay?” she asked, following them into the living area. San nodded at her, offering a small smile, which immediately relaxed her. Maybe things had gone okay… 

The living room was full after a few moments. Arah looked at Seonghwa, but it was Yunho who spoke first. 

“So, we got some information,” he said, voice a little stiff like he had been talking a lot. “But not all the info we wanted.” He sighed, rubbing his face. “The gist of it is, Gyeohun is not the mastermind, not even close. In fact, he’s so far down the food chain, he couldn’t tell you the name of the organization he worked at. We didn’t get any info on the guy who put him up to it, which is what we really wanted.” 

Arah’s heart sank, but San was quick to interject. “But it wasn’t pointless. He didn’t know about the organization itself, but everybody, regardless of where they are in the hierarchy, listens to the gossip.” 

“According to Gyeohun,” Yunho continued, “word along the grapevine is that their boss has a new fixation. No one names any specifics, but they talk about how for the past weeks, he’s been working on nothing but this one project. They make the usual jokes- stuff about money issues or a mistress or whatever.” He waved a dismissive hand. “But he also heard that their boss has been in a good mood lately. They think whatever project he’s working on is going well.” 

“The project, we’re assuming, is me,” Arah filled in. “Did he say anything about how he got the information on us? How he knew what Mingi and I looked like?” 

“Just that he was given a folder,” Jongho said regretfully. “It had pictures of people and instructions on what to do. He’s never been in any sort of contact with their boss, so he wasn’t any help on trying to figure out how to get a message to him.” 

So, they had more information than they had before, but no information that they needed. 

“Have you considered using Gyeohun to deliver a message?” Arah questioned. “He has no contact with the boss, but if the boss thinks he’s had contact with us and has something interesting, he might go for it.” 

“We have,” Seonghwa admitted, speaking for the first time. “And we probably will, but we’re waiting for now.” 

God, if Arah could shoot the concept of waiting in the foot, she would. 

~~~~~~~~

Arah was going to blow if she had to stay inside another day. 

Sure, she didn’t actually go out partying before everything, but she was able to walk in the alleys around the city and stroll with one of the others to the grocery stores. But it was going on over a week that she hadn’t left the house, and there were only so many guns she could empty before she lost it. 

She didn’t have anything she could help with, Hongjoong and the others already covering everything, and Seonghwa and the others were gone to tie up loose ends with Gyeohun. 

So when she was sitting alone in the living room, staring at a laptop screen with unfocused eyes, she suddenly sighed, slamming it shut and scrubbing at her eyes. 

She had brought up to Hongjoong going out with someone, just near the house, but they were firm in their answers. 

Absolutely not. 

And not a single one of them even tried to soften the refusal. 

And if Arah was actually smart, if she wasn’t just some sixteen year old pretending to be an adult, she would understand how dangerous it was for her. A sniper could take her out without her ever even hearing the bullet, but Arah wasn’t an adult. 

She was sixteen and she was going stir crazy. 

So she slipped out the back door of the warehouse, gun strapped to her hip, and walked through the back alleys around the warehouse, heading a bit further out. 

They were cramped and you couldn’t really fit unless you turned sideways, so it was annoying with her still hurt arm. They smelled like musty garbage, but once you got out of those first couple rows, they opened into wider spaces. 

She sat at the mouth of one alley that lead into an empty side street and breathed deeply, rubbing at her eyes and feeling some of the tension leave her. It was barely even “outside” but it was enough. 

“Dammit, Seonghwa,” she sighed in frustration. He was going to kill her for being out here. “I fucking hate you,” she muttered. She didn’t want to have to go back in, but she had already been gone long enough. 

“Hello, Arah.” 

Arah may be pretending to be an adult, but she wasn’t pretending to be skilled. 

Her hand dove to her side, firing off the round before she even really saw who it was behind her- she only knew that it wasn’t someone she knew. 

The gunshot was loud, followed quickly by her cry as a thick-soled boot kicked her hand hard enough to almost break it. 

The gun flew out of her grip as the same boot slammed against her chest, knocking her back onto the concrete. Her head hit painfully, but not hard enough to cause damage. Not that she cared. 

Because hands pinned her arms down and legs significantly stronger than hers pinned her waist. 

She thrashed, but the grip was tight enough that all she could do was wiggle. Pressure was placed on her bad arm and she cried out again, biting at her cheek to keep down a higher scream. 

“Stop wiggling,” a calm voice said. 

It was slow and steady- like a water drip that grated on your ears. She looked up into the eyes of a man much larger than herself, smiling down at her like he had invited her out to tea. A mop of dark blonde hair fell over his forehead. 

“You’re quite the quickdraw, Arah,” he complimented sincerely, and it made her skin crawl. “They did a good job with you.” 

She curled her fingers into fists, still tugging at his grip on her, teeth gritted as her heart raced. 

The man chuckled. “But apparently, you’re as useless as a wet kitten without a gun.” Arah spit in his face, and while he did close his eyes, breathing deeply with annoyance, it did nothing to weaken his grip. “You’re a little brat, aren’t you, Arah?” 

Each drop of her name made her want to vomit at his tone. She breathed deeply, pushing down the panic that threatened her at her immobility. The others would notice soon, she just had to keep him talking long enough for them to find her. 

“I take it you’re the one who’s been leaving me all those love notes,” she said, voice a little weak with his weight on her diaphragm. 

He chuckled. “It has been most amusing to watch you run around like a startled chicken.” He didn’t seem like he had any weapons on him, but it was very clear he didn’t need them. “Do you know why I’m here, Arah?”

“‘Cause you’re a sick fuck?” she guessed, bitterness on the edge of her tongue. 

“Would Seonghwa approve of that kind of language?” the man tsked. He frowned at her sympathetically. “I bet he keeps quite a tight leash on you, worried for his little girl and all.” 

Arah’s blood was cold in her veins, but she kept her glare heated. “You’re a sick fuck,” she reiterated. “Hiding behind notes and henchmen so your little game doesn’t get too personal. Afraid you’re not up to par?” she taunted, head tilting despite the pain in the back of it. 

The man cocked an eyebrow. “Arah, I have clearly proven to be your better,” he noted casually. “And I’ve proven to be strong enough to overpower Seonghwa. And stealthy enough to slip right by your friend Mingi.” He leaned a bit closer, more pressure weighing on her wrists, the concrete biting into them at the back. “You’re delusional to think I fear any of you.” 

“What’s the point of it all?” she demanded, wincing as a sharp rock dug at her skin. “What the fuck do you want with us?”

The man snorted. “I couldn’t care less what happens to your little family. Actually, on second thought, I would very much like them permanently removed, but my real concern… is with you.” He grinned, like she should find it an honor, and Arah held her breath to keep from hyperventilating. 

He leaned back a bit, allowing her to breathe easier. “Seonghwa and his men have done a marvelous job raising and training you,” he said casually, but never releasing the vices around her wrists. “Dear God, I’ve watched you take out several targets at 2000 yards.” He whistled low, impressed. 

Even as his expression darkened with anger, it still kept that air of lightheartedness, like he was still delighted to see her, even if he was displeased. 

“Targets that  _ I  _ was supposed to have. But clients seemed to prefer you and your little…  _ family _ . And I understood why the first time I saw you in action, Arah.” A shiver ran down her spine, gathering at the base of her back painfully. “Someone so young, yet so naturally gifted, it was like a message from God himself, handing you to me on a silver platter.” 

“So you’re here to kill me?” she whispered. She wanted it to come out stronger, more of a challenge, but the reality of how overwhelmed she was was crippling. 

“ _ Kill you?”  _ he repeated, flabbergasted. “Kill you? Arah, have you listened to nothing I’ve said? If I wanted you dead, it would have been too easy. What I want is  _ you _ .” He smiled, and there was something very manic about it. Something unstable. Something that made her beg to have her gun back. “Your skill,” he went on. “Your conviction and absolute spotlessness! You shot a man’s kidney out from 500 yards! Arah, do you not realize how  _ special  _ you are?” 

Arah had grown up being told she was special. 

The others showered her with that praise. Seonghwa would ruffle her hair as a child, and without even giving a reason, would call her the most special person in the world. “Because you’re ours, which makes you special,” he would say. “I don’t need another reason.” 

The word had always made her heart swell with pride because who didn’t want to be special? 

But the word on his tongue made her feel dirty like a layer of grease on her skin. 

“You are amazing, Arah,” he praised genuinely. “And yet Seonghwa seems intent on shoving that talent down. Fondness has made him blind. Fear has made him waste you, Arah.” She held back the urge to slam her head against his, knowing it wouldn’t end well. “Their guidance of you has taken you this far, but you could move beyond it exponentially under the proper care.” 

Lead settled in her stomach. Arah’s heart skipped as ice flooded her veins. “Whose care?  _ Yours _ ?” she spat. 

“Exactly,” he said, like the idea excited him. “You’re my ticket to success, Arah! With you on my team, I’d be unstoppable!” His voice dropped lower, more personal. “Haven’t you ever  _ felt  _ it, Arah? The stifling of your own potential? Being allowed out, but only on a leash, when you were made to soar? How many times have they denied you something, afraid for your safety, never even allowing you a chance to prove yourself?” 

The ugly part of her wondered how long he had been watching her. How much did he know about their fights and disagreements? 

“Give me an answer, Arah,” he requested gently. “Have you ever been frustrated with Seonghwa’s treatment of you? Treating you like glass even after you’ve proven yourself.” Arah glared, anger boiling in her stomach, about to tell him to go fuck himself, when his grip tightened on her arm, making her breath catch painfully. “ _ Answer me _ , Arah,” he snapped. 

“No,” she spat through gritted teeth, and the fingers on her wrist tightened again, like he was trying to snap the bone. 

“Don’t  _ lie _ ,” he hissed. “ _ Have you _ ?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” she gasped as his grip released, allowing her to breathe again, wrist throbbing along her whole arm. 

“I would never control you like that,” he promised softly. “I would let you fly free.” 

“So what?” she demanded, voice tight with pain. “I leave them behind and join you? Is that what you think would happen?” 

“It’s what  _ will  _ happen,” he promised her. “Because you’re not a fool, Arah. You know I would help you. You know you could progress so much farther without them.” 

“Burn in hell,” she snapped, and she didn’t even feel him let go of her long enough to slap her across the cheek before returning to gripping her arm. 

She cried out as her cheek throbbed as she breathed heavily to keep back tears that stung. 

“Seonghwa may allow that sort of backtalk, but I don’t,” he said sternly. “Discipline is required to grow.” He cleared his throat, anger fading out of her eyes. 

She heaved in breaths that never seemed deep enough, trying not to panic. 

“You’re alone, Arah,” he told her sympathetically. “You’re here in an alley, attacked by a stranger who could have killed you a hundred times over in the time your family has been missing you.” 

He pulled her wrists up, holding them with one hand while the other reached into his jacket and pulled out a long knife. The blade pressed against her cheek, cold and stiff, and she could feel the sharpness, threatening to break skin. 

“Does it feel good to be this helpless?” he questioned. “Doesn’t it make you angry that they made you into someone so easily killed? They made you so powerful, but gave you such a weakness.” 

The tip of the knife trailed to her throat, and Arah couldn’t keep the tears inside her eyes, hot drops falling from the corners of her eyes, holding her breath weakly. 

There was nothing between this man and killing her. Absolutely nothing. 

“Don’t cry,” he said softly. The knife left her skin as he used the palm of his hand to wipe at the tears. She jerked her head away, shaking slightly, and he tapped her cheek with the blade, making her fall still. “I would never let you be this vulnerable to anyone,” he promised. “I would make sure you could protect yourself.” 

Arah had never… never been at someone’s mercy like this. She worked from afar- never needing to get this close. 

She was powerless… immobile… helpless… and completely at his mercy- living and dying simply by his prerogative. 

He looked up, as if something had caught his attention, and he hummed. “If you’re interested in thriving, meet me back here tomorrow at this same time,” he said. “I’ll be waiting. And if I see any of your little friends follow you, you’ll be seeing  _ all  _ your little friends with bullets for eyes.” 

He smiled, tapping her with the blade once more as he stood, making her flinch pathetically. 

His weight was suddenly gone from her body. 

“I await your decision,” he said with a flourish, disappearing through the mouth of the alleyway. 

_ Get up _ , her mind screamed.  _ Go after him, don’t let him get away. For God’s sake, get up-  _

But the sudden fallout of adrenaline was worse than the surge of fear he had injected into her, making her nothing but a useless mass of shaking sobs. 

She needed to run, to go after him- 

But her body was shaking, tears falling silently, choking her lungs as she stared at the blurry sky. The adrenaline and fear gathered in her chest, making her muscles lock and threaten to break. 

“ _ Arah _ !” 

You might have thought someone had already died, by his tone. 

Footsteps slammed against the concrete, knees slamming down beside her as Seonghwa’s face came into her vision. 

Arah thought she knew what fear looked like on Seonghwa. She did not. 

His hands hovered over her, afraid to touch her for a moment, but the appearance of someone- of  _ anyone-  _ she could trust made her move, sitting up and throwing herself at him. 

Weak arms wrapped around his neck as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, shaking like a leaf as her silent tears burst into sobs and chokes that tore out of her throat because she was so  _ fucking scared _ . 

Seonghwa held her tightly, tight enough to hurt, but she pressed closer, like a child hiding further under the blankets during a thunderstorm, having some irrational thought that it was safer there. 

Her head heart and her cheek throbbed and her wrists stung, but it was all second hand compared to the pain in her chest as she cried, soaking his jacket that smelled like gunpowder and the warehouse. 

He was talking to her, maybe trying to get her to calm down, maybe just whispering something to comfort her, but she didn’t hear any of it, blood and fear roaring loud in her ears that echoed with her own helpless cries. 

At some point, he tried to pull her away, tried to face her, but Arah clung harder, shaking her head, refusing to separate, like a child who thought that being far from their stuffed animals meant danger. 

“Okay,” He promised quietly, arms tightening around her once again. “I’m right here, Arah, you’re safe,” he promised quickly, hugging her so hard it fucking hurt, but she was so fucking scared. “You’re safe, Arah, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” 

She was shaking so hard, she could barely hold onto him, and at some point, she heard other voices, more people appearing but she still didn’t pull away. She recognized Hongjoong’s hand touching her arm gently, but still didn’t pull away. 

Eventually, Seonghwa’s arms around her shifted, pulling her closer, and then he stood up, taking her with him. Her tears had quieted into soft hiccups as Seonghwa walked with her, like she weighed nothing, and she heard the others around them, talking. 

Her brain was fuzzy- trying to make the switch from such imminent death to being somewhere safe. 

Someone opened the door to the house, and Seonghwa stepped in. Arah felt the familiarity of the place around her, her brain automatically telling her they were now  _ safe _ . 

They sat on the sofa, and when Seonghwa tried to pull her away to look at her, she finally let herself go, but kept a weak hold on his arms, unwilling to be fully separated. 

He stared at her face, some of the earlier fear gone, but worry had taken up every inch it left behind. He gently brushed away tears on her cheeks, clearing them from her lashes. She vaguely noted that the others were there, keeping a distance, waiting in the doors, but there. 

There was a moment where Seonghwa looked ready to speak, but he didn’t.

His dark, shadowed face merely lowered to scan her body. 

He just used his hands, gently turning her head and examining her hurt cheek, touching the back of her head and the small bump there. He took her hands and examined them, and when she glanced down, there were dark lines where she had been held. 

There wasn’t anything to bandage, only things that would heal with time. He ran his thumb gently across the bruises on her wrist before holding her hand gently. 

“What happened, Arah?” he asked, voice tight, almost on the verge of breaking. “Who did this?” She didn’t know if the tremor in his voice was anger or fear or tears, but it made her eyes sting again. 

“It was him,” she whispered, voice uneven and weak. “The boss- the guy with the letters, he was-” Her chest suddenly dropped and more tears fell hot down her cheeks. “It’s all my fault,” she cried weakly, shaking her head. 

When Seonghwa’s grip tightened on her slightly, it hurt but it felt grounding- reminding her even with her eyes closed with the familiar touch that he was here with her. 

She wasn’t alone. 

“I went out on my own, I didn’t tell them where I was going- I- I just wanted to take a walk, I didn’t think-” 

No. She didn’t think. She didn’t think about the fact that if there was any way they could keep her safe outside, they would, but there wasn’t, so she had to stay inside where it was safe. 

And then she had the audacity to act surprised that something had happened. 

Seonghwa hushed her gently, wiping away the tears that fell. “It’s not your fault,” Seonghwa promised quietly. “You shouldn’t have gone out on your own, but this wasn’t your fault, Arah.” He guided her to look him in the eyes. “But I need you to tell me what happened.” 

It was hard, and the words kept getting stuck in her throat, and she kept feeling tears bubbling at the surface, her voice breaking like china against concrete. 

Seonghwa watched her as she spoke, eyes hard and dark, but his hands gentle where they held hers. 

“He told m-me to meet him back there tomorrow if I was interested,” she said, almost gagging on the thought of it. “A-And then he left.” The room was dead silent as she finished, and when she glanced over, there was quiet fury on everyone’s faces. 

“That sick bastard,” San muttered, jaw tight. “What the fuck kind of person does that to a fucking  _ kid- _ ”

Seonghwa casted a look at him, silently telling him that now that was  _ not  _ the time. He turned back to Arah. “Does anywhere particularly hurt?”

Arah shook her head, but the movement made her change her answer. “My head,” she murmured. “Everything else is alright.” She felt like a walking bruise, but it was nothing extreme. 

Getting shot had been worse pain, but the fear was what made this so damaging. 

“Yeosang, get her some painkillers,” Seonghwa said, sparing him a glance. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” Seonghwa told her quietly. “You’re going to take some painkillers and drink some water, and then you’re going to go to bed and rest, and we’ll finish discussing this in a while, alright?” 

Arah just nodded, limbs heavy and mind foggy. 

“Can you stand?” he asked, grabbing her hands and helping her carefully. She ached, but her legs supported her long enough for Seonghwa to guide her to her room and help her lay down on the bed. 

Yeosang appeared with a bottle of water and some pills, but left as quick as he came. She swallowed them painfully, and took small sips of the water bottle. 

Seonghwa stood in silence against the wall until she finished the bottle and set it aside, laying down. 

“Are you really okay?’ he asked quietly. 

Arah flexed her jaw. She had been terrified. But, she was relatively unhurt, which meant she was lucky. She nodded. “I am.” He inclined his head, but before he could move, she spoke up. “Can you-” She hesitated for only a moment. “Could you stay? Just for now?” she asked. 

Knowing she was safe was one thing, but feeling safe… 

She felt childish. She hadn’t needed someone’s presence to fall asleep since she was nine. 

But Seonghwa’s expression twitched for a moment, but he nodded, sliding down the wall until he sat against it, just that action making her chest loosen. 

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” he promised. Arah nodded, shifting until she found a comfortable position, body sinking into the mattress as the stress left her exhausted. “I’ll be right here,” she heard him murmur. “Don’t worry.” 

~~~~~~~~

Yeosang was the first to stop by, peering inside her room. He glanced from the girl sleeping in the bed to Seonghwa sitting against the wall, staring at nothing. “She okay?” he asked quietly. 

Seonghwa sighed without looking over. “She seems to be. I think it scared her more than anything, even though those bruises are nothing minor.” 

It was such an odd mixture in his stomach- the anger and desire to hurt the person who had done this, and the fear and heartbreak that bubbled everytime he looked at the rawness in her eyes. 

The silence between them stretched for a moment before Yeosang leaned against the doorframe, arms crossing like he was cold. “What are we going to do?” he whispered. 

Seonghwa didn’t answer immediately, eyes focusing as he glanced up at Arah. “We’re going to protect her,” he promised. “And we’re going to make this bastard regret picking a fight with us.” 

“You’re thinking of ambushing him when he plans to meet with Arah?” Yeosang asked. 

“He’d be expecting it,” Seonghwa muttered, resting his head against the wall. “And I don’t think he’d be stupid enough to make it so easy. It’s like he told Arah… we know he’s good.” 

“Then what is your plan?” 

“Don’t have one yet,” he admitted quietly. “But we’re going to have to figure something out. I don’t know what he plans to do if Arah doesn’t show up tomorrow.” 

~~~~~~~

Dinner was quiet and solemn. 

Arah, especially, seemed to be having a hard time keeping her food down, taking small bites and refusing attempts to get her to eat a bit more. 

It was almost tradition, at this point, that she have something earth shattering to say at dinnertime. 

“I’m going to meet with him tomorrow.” 

Like clockwork, people froze, utensils dropping. But this time, it seems like Seonghwa had never considered this, his head snapping up sharply where he had been staring at his plate. 

His eyes questioned her sanity, but also hid something else. “Arah, what the hell are you saying?” he demanded sharply. 

Arah set her fork down, looking at Seonghwa with steely eyes. “I’m going to meet that man in the alley. I think it’s the best chance we have.” 

“That’s a stupid idea,” Wooyoung said without something to soften it, glaring at her sharply. “Stop talking nonsense.” 

“He’s not going to stop!” Arah fought. “Even if I don’t show up tomorrow, he’s going to keep going. I don’t know what his next step would be- if he’ll just try and grab me himself or if he’ll decide I’m not worth the trouble and just take him out through a window-” 

“Arah,” Seonghwa warned lowly, but she didn’t stop this time. 

“You know it’s true, Seonghwa!” she snapped. “I was alone in that alley with him for so long- he could have killed me a hundred times over. I was powerless to stop him. He’s psycho, and what’s worse, he’s convinced he’s right. He’s gotten too close, shown too much of his hand for me to sit here and try and skirt around the issue.” 

“What’s to stop him from shooting you when you walk down that alley?” Seonghwa demanded. “What’s going to stop his mentally unhinged brain from snapping?” 

“I will!” Arah pressed. “He wants my skill. You didn’t see him before- he wants me alive. If I can play him long enough to just take one shot-” 

“We’re not risking you for one shot,” Seonghwa snapped, grip tightening on his fork. “That’s insane, and we’re not even going to entertain that as an idea.” 

“I can get in! I can work around him- hell, maybe I’ll even be able to take the whole place down.  _ Open your eyes, Seonghwa _ ,” she pleaded. “I am never going to be able to live with him out there. He’s made that obvious.” 

It felt much like placing a glass case around something. You couldn’t see the barrier, but you kept running into it at every turn, even when you thought you had moved around it. 

“I’m not going to put you in that position!”

“You aren’t!  _ I’m  _ putting me in that position!”

“You’re sixteen, Arah!”

“You’ve never cared much about my age when I’m perched on a rooftop with a fucking sniper,” she shouted, shoving her chair back and standing angrily. “We have this conversation  _ everytime  _ I try and do something you don’t approve of. And you always give in because I’m  _ right _ !” 

His eyes were angry, his lips stiff and his jaw tight. 

But deeper in his eyes, he begged her to stop. Well, this time she couldn’t. 

“This is the only way, Seonghwa.” Her wrist hurt as she formed a fist. “I don’t want to have to keep living like this. I don’t want to keep being afraid for myself and you. He-” She grit her teeth. “I don’t think he’d kill me,” she stressed, voice weakening. “He thinks I’m too valuable. But you guys… he wants you  _ gone _ .”

Seonghwa and the others posed a threat to business. 

A business he cared enough about to want Arah to be a part of. 

She couldn’t… couldn't keep risking them. 

“If I don’t show up, I don’t think he’ll come after me, but I’m  _ so  _ positive that his next target is going to be one of you.” Her anger faded a bit to desperation. “Don’t make me risk that, Seonghwa,” she begged. “Don’t put me through that.” 

And she knew it wasn’t fair, because she was asking for Seonghwa not to put her in that situation while asking to put himself in that situation. 

“Seonghwa.” He flicked his eyes over to San who didn’t look happy. “She has a point.” 

Arah almost gaped because whenever they had these altercations, it was her against Seonghwa, wearing him down until one of them gave. 

Seonghwa bristled, but San was quick to go on. “I hate this as much as you do, but she’s made some points. She’s not going to get out of this just because she stays out of it.” 

Seonghwa glanced around at the others. “Are any of the rest of you considering this?” 

Nobody would meet his eyes, but Hongjoong raised his hand. “Arah’s capable,” he said in way of explanation. “I don’t like it, but I trust in her ability. If there are steps we can take, I think it might work. If nothing else, to gather intel.” 

Mingi sighed, lifting his hand. “I guess it makes sense, what she was saying.” Yunho, Yeosang, and Jongho all nodded. 

Seonghwa pressed his lips together and stood roughly. “Fine. Do what you want, but I’m not taking part in it.” He stepped away from the table, walking to the door angrily. 

“Seonghwa,” Arah called, but he left and she hung her head. She sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “If we’re doing this,” she said quietly, “we’re going to have to get started right away.” She looked at Wooyoung. “How small is your smallest wire tap?” 

~~~~~~~

Arah didn’t see Seonghwa the whole night. And when she woke up the next morning, she didn’t see him either. 

“Remember,” Hongjoong said as he tacked the tap under the waistband of her pants. “We’ll hear you, but you won’t be able to hear us. If he finds it-”

“I had no idea it was there,”Arah finished. “I got it. I know how to lie, Hongjoong.” 

“Just be careful,” he said seriously. “If you need us to move in, just break the tap.” 

She smiled despite the sweat on her palms. “Got it.” 

Hongjoong glanced at her as he sat back on his heels. “You know he’s just scared, right?” Arah nodded, not needing clarification. “You know as soon as you leave, he’s going to be coming out and demanding to know where you are and he’s going to be watching the whole time, right?” She nodded. “You know it’ll all work out, right?” 

She didn’t nod that time. Just smiled. “I’ll make sure it does. Make sure he doesn’t get an aneurysm while I’m out there.” 

~~~~~~~

The walk to the alley seemed longer than before, and when she got there, she pressed her back to the brick, keeping an eye on both ends of the alley, her gun cold against her hip. 

Minutes ticked by, and Arah kept her breathing even, expression calm. The others could hear everything, so she hummed calmly, like she was just out to enjoy the view of the empty streets. 

“That’s quite a pretty tune.” 

Arah resisted the urge to go for her gun, turning quickly to the mouth of the alley as the man stepped out, smiling as pleasantly as he had yesterday. Her body erupted into goosebumps. 

He glanced around. “Well, it seems as if you really came alone. You didn’t tell the others about our little meeting yesterday?” 

Arah flexed her jaw. “I did,” she admitted. “Seonghwa tried to stop me from coming. I came anyway.” 

The slight downturn of his lips suddenly changed into glee. “I bet he didn’t like that.” 

Arah breathed evenly. “No, he didn’t.” She hated this man. 

“Well, then, I’m glad you’ve made a wise choice.” A black car rolled into the mouth of the alley. “Right this way.” 

“A car?” she questioned. “How far are we going?” 

The man chuckled, leaning down to be on her level and touching her nose like playing with a child. She withdrew, glaring sharply. “Don’t touch me,” she said lowly. 

“I’m going to need that gun,” he said, holding his hand out. “I don’t doubt you, but I prefer to have my people prove themselves before I allow such freedoms.” Arah made to respond, but his hand had snatched her gun before the words left her mouth. 

“ _ Hey- _ ”

“This way, Arah,” he said, gesturing her towards the car. “I have someone I’d like for you to meet.” The gun in his hand and the smile on his lips made her comply, stepping towards the car, all too aware of her back turned to him. The door opened and Arah was faced with a young boy, around her age, smiling up at her. 

“Arah, this is Hongdo,” the man said, pushing her inside. She glared, but slid in. “He’ll keep you entertained for the car ride.” He smiled. “He’s my protegy, and I’m hoping you can teach him a few things while you’re here with us.” 

The door closed in her face, and she was too aware of the divider between the front and back, tinted glass making it seem like just her and this boy in a box. 

“Hello,” he said, holding out a hand. His smile was the same as the man’s. Dangerous and raw. “I hope to learn a lot from you.” 

“Is that why he wanted me so badly?” she said in lieu of a greeting. “To teach some other kid?”

The smile flickered off of his face for a moment. “I’m not a kid,” he said sternly. “Neither of us are.” 

Arah lifted an eyebrow. “Are you younger than eighteen?”

“Yes-”

“Then you’re a kid,” she finished. “Maybe you do adult stuff, but you’re-” 

His hand flew at her, and Arah gasped, grabbing his wrist before it could make contact with her face. “I’m not a kid!” he snapped. 

Arah’s expression darkened. “Try and touch me again, and I’ll break your wrist.” 

Hongdo grinned. “Really? Because according to Lanno, you were quite weak against him yesterday without your weapons.” 

“Lanno-” Was this his name?- “Is three times my size and weight. You, on the other hand, weigh less than the men I’ve wrestled with and won over on a daily basis.” 

Hongdo glared, tearing his hand away. “I don’t think you’re quite as attractive as I once found you,” he muttered angrily, and Arah felt her stomach roll as she scooted away from him. 

“I have no interest in whether you find me attractive or not,” she said stiffly. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“And why are you here, Arah?” he prompted, voice sweet. “Rebelling against Daddy?”

“I’m here to get stronger,” she corrected, fist itching to meet his face. “As I understand, I’m not here to make friends.” 

“You’ll want friends,” Hongdo promised. 

Arah snorted. “Not you, I imagine, if Lanno brought in someone like you to try and teach you. I prefer to have friends that actually serve a purpose.” 

The rest of the ride passed in silence, but she felt Hongdo’s glare burning into her skin. The car stopped, the door opening to reveal Lanno. 

“Right this way. I trust Hongdo was good company?” 

Arah got out, ignoring his offered hand. “I find him juvenile,” she said honestly. Lanno laughed. 

“He is that,” he boasted. “But he’s an amazing fighter. I imagine you have your own moments of youthhood, Arah.”

“Not really,” she muttered, ignoring Hangdo when he got out and following Lanno. The building was a warehouse, a larger scale version of the small one that housed their weapons. They went through a side door into a room with a table and no men anywhere. 

“Have a seat,” Lanno requested, gesturing at a chair. Arah obeyed, sneering when Hangdo sat beside her. “Now, children, play nice,” Lanno joked. “You’re going to be working very closely with each other, so I want you two to get to know each other well.” 

“I thought I was here to get stronger?” Arah demanded, arms crossing tightly over her chest. “Not be held back by someone who doesn’t look like he knows which end of a gun to hold.” 

Lanno laughed, ignoring Hongdo’s enraged face. “Hongdo doesn’t look like much, but he’s great at hand to hand. He will teach you this skill and you will teach him to shoot. A mutually beneficial circumstance.” 

“And what after?” Arah questioned, eyebrow quirked. It was strange where all her bravado came from, somewhere deep inside of her supplying her with courage. “After I get stronger… what’s the payment for these skills?”

“Working with me,” Lanno said, like it should be obvious. “With Seonghwa and his men gone, that opens a whole new world for us. They never had vision,” he said. “They killed whoever they were told to, collected their fees, and what else? Nothing.”

He spat as if that was the worst waste he could think of. 

“They don’t deserve that power,” he hissed bitterly. “I plan to wield it into a cartel that will rival the strength of any police force that could be enacted.” He pointed at her. “And you will be someone who plays a very large role in that.” 

“What roll?”

“Every leader needs a bodyguard. A right hand man, if you will.” 

Arah hummed, hyper aware of the warm tap sitting against her skin. “Sounds like a job with a lot of responsibility. Lots of people who’ll need to be shot.” 

Lanno winked. “Now you’re catching on.” 

Arha nodded. “Alright. I’m in.” 

“No, you’re not,” Hongdo snorted. Arah glared at him, and he looked at her smugly. “What? You think you just get to  _ come in _ ? Maybe that delusional Seonghwa just let’s any scum into his ranks, but we have standards here.” 

Arah forced every muscle in her body to relax so she didn’t clench a fist. You’re not with them anymore, she reminded herself. You have to submerge yourself in this role. 

“Hongdo is right,” Lanno said almost regretfully. “As much as I desire to just make you part of this, there must be a test passed. It’s only fair to everyone else. Don’t worry, your job will be child’s play compared to anything else you’ve done.” 

“What?” she prompted boldly. “A shooting contest or something?”

Hongdo snorted again, and Lanno paid him no mind. “Oh, no, something a bit more active, but still just as simple.” Arah felt something tighten in her chest, like her body was warning her of something, something coming straight for her. 

“I don’t like theatrics,” she said firmly. “Just get to the point.” 

Lanno rolled his eyes, as if she spoiled all the fun. “Your test is simple, Arah. All you have to do is kill Seonghwa.” 

~~~~~~~

All eyes in the room snapped to Seonghwa whose hand was crushing the back of Mingi’s chair, the voices coming through with static, but clear enough that there was no mistaking it. 

Lanno was good. The ultimate test of Arah, in his opinion. 

The silence on the other end was long enough that Seonghwa felt panic bubble in his chest. What if Arah slipped up? What if she refused right then and there? Would Lanno trust her if he saw that she cared? 

“I’ll explain all the details,” Lanno broke the silence graciously. His voice sounded grand and boisterous, like a theater major on a stage. “It’s quite simple, and we’ll go over things in more detail later, but what we’re working with is this: I’m going to arrange a meeting with Seonghwa, drop some prompts about a truce or something equally absurd.”

He heard the rustle of clothing, like Arah was shifting, and Soenghwa prayed desperately that she didn’t get herself caught- every cell in his body screaming for him to find her and bring her back. 

“While we are meeting, you will be at your perch, prepared to take your shot. When I confirm him dead, you’ll officially be a member among us, with all the privileges that come along with it.” 

Seonghwa grit his teeth painfully. He had been against Arah going, and this was the exact reason why. What sort of training did she have to be in this situation? None. If she got herself killed- 

If Seonghwa let her get herself killed… he would never forgive himself. 

“Why him?” Arah’s voice was bold, harsh, and only Seonghwa who had seen her at her lowests could hear the tension- the tremor there. He just had to pray she kept it together. 

“Well, he’s going to die either way,” Lanno laughed jovially. Seonghwa wanted to be there, and for the first time it wasn’t to punch his teeth out. 

He wanted to get Arah out of there, far away from this godforsaken man. She shouldn’t even be there- 

“But I think it would be nice giving that duty to you,” he continued graciously. “As a poetic way of leaving one life behind to start another. The others will die too, but we’ll start with Seonghwa for now.” He heard a gentle curse from San. 

“Why would Seonghwa have any reason to meet with you?” Arah demanded, voice surprisingly strong. “I’ve already left. You can’t use me as leverage.” 

“Did I not mention?” Lanno gasped, like it had skipped his mind. “You’re going back to them.” 

“Why?” she snapped. This wasn’t something they had planned for. None of this was anything they could ever see coming- 

Lanno chuckled. “For fun, I suppose. To test your resolve. Think of it as another part of your test, keeping this charade up in front of them.” 

How fucking ironic, wasn’t it? 

“You’ll go back, get some sob story together. Convince them you’re there to stay, I pull some strings, tell Seonghwa if he wants to keep you safe, he’ll meet with me, and then we put everything into action!” 

Arah was never supposed to be in this situation. She was never supposed to have to make these choices, these hair trigger situations where all of them were too far away.  _ Seonghwa was too far away  _ if something did happen. 

Arah was trained to shoot. To shoot from long distances with frightening accuracy, and that was it. 

She wasn’t supposed to be talking up targets, interrogating suspects, infiltrating and putting herself in that first line of fire- 

That wasn’t what Seonghwa wanted for her. Ever. 

It was worse than finding her in the alley, still and prone. She had moved when he called to her, and part of him had been begging any higher power that would listen that she was alright, and… 

Maybe she was relatively unharmed, but the desperation in her eyes, in the hands that clung to his neck and refused to let go… 

Seonghwa had never seen Arah that terrified, that desperate… It was honestly terrifying, to see this girl who was always so mature, so in control, so sure of herself… 

She would drop hints when things got a little out of hand, that she’d need a hug or a gentle reassurance that things would work out, but never like this. 

This Arah was terrifying because it meant they were dealing with something they hadn’t encountered before. They were dealing with that man, Lanno, who was the man who had put those bruises on her wrists and across her cheek, and Seonghwa was sitting here,  _ letting  _ her walk back to him... 

Hoping. 

It was something he didn’t do often. He trusted in skill and back up, but he’d never been so far removed that he had to place hope out there. 

“This seems all very convoluted just to get a bodyguard,” Arah said, voice smoothing out like she always did when she was trying to keep you talking, just trying to buy time for something, and Seonghwa would have laughed if not for the situation. 

“It’s not just about the bodyguard,” Lanno said sternly, voice darkening in a way that made Seonghwa lean closer to the radio like it might help. “It’s about building an empire. This is the first step. You have to dethrone a king to take his place.” 

“Seonghwa isn’t a king,” Arah said, and it seemed like she slipped character for a moment. “He doesn’t operate like that.” 

“Kings don’t ask to be born such. But they still rule.” A short silence. “But I believe this is enough for today. Here, take this.” 

“A cell phone?” Arah questioned, and Seonghwa felt a burst of pride of how naturally Arah would slip the things she was seeing into verbal notes that they could hear. 

“I’ll contact you through that, let you know when it’s time to move. For now, I think it’s time for you to work on your acting skills, don’t you? Back to the car!” 

People shuffled, and they all listened closely. “He really did go easy on you,” the boy with them muttered. Seonghwa’s blood boiled just hearing him. “My test was a lot harder.” Was this kid trying to sound tough? How was Arah keeping from laughing? “I got the shit beaten out of me by every senior person here without being able to fight back.” 

“Maybe that’s why you’re needing to be taught,” Arah noted, and it was almost disturbing, the coldness in her voice, the hidden anger there that almost made her sound like a different person. “What sort of idiot would lay there and take a beating?” 

Hongdo snarled angrily. “Those were the rules-”

“You’d follow the rules that got the shit beaten out of you? Sounds like idiocy to me.” 

“If you want to get in, you’d have to follow too, if Lanno told you to just stand there.” 

Arah snorted. “If Lanno thinks I’d lay there and take a beating, he’s trying to get the wrong person to join him.” 

“You think you have freedom here. That’s cute.” 

“You think I give a shit what you think? That’s cute.” 

There was the sound of a car door slamming, the sound coming through a little clearer in the smaller space. 

“I take it back,” Hongdo said, a grin to his words. “I think that fire suits you. Maybe you are quite attractive.” 

Seonghwa bit back a violent curse at the words, something in his chest flaring, but there was the sudden sound of flesh against flesh, and everyone froze, waiting. 

“Let go of me, you bitch!” Hongdo snapped, voice breaking. 

“What are you doing?” Lanno’s voice sounded angrily at a further distance. 

“He tried to touch me,” Arah said, voice coming across angrily but there was a tremor there. “I told him I’d break his wrist if he tried it again.” 

Hongdo cried out, and Lanno, rather than flying off the handle, chuckled. 

“Let go of him, Arah, he’s harmless.” 

“He will be once I remove his hand.” 

“You won’t win any friends that way,” Lanno said, clicking his tongue. “Let go.” 

Arah scoffed, and Hongdo made a weak noise of relief. 

“Now, I want you two to stay friendly. Hongdo, respect her space. Arah, don’t take everything so personally. You’ll find things like this more commonplace here than among your last acquaintances.” 

Silence fell, and Seonghwa kept waiting for someone to break it, but it never ended. Seonghwa felt his blood churning in a way he had never felt, among all the missions he’d carried out in over a decade. 

The silence didn’t break, not until the car door opened again, and Lanno’s voice sounded closer. “Good luck, Arah. I’ll send you any information you need. I’m glad you’ve chosen to hone your skill. It’d be a shame if it went to waste, wouldn’t it?” 

“I just want to be a part of it already,” Arah said sternly. “Give me whatever direction you need.” 

“Then, you should await my messages.” 

The sound of feet against concrete, Arah’s gentle breathing that was too regular to be natural. “I think she’s heading back,” Mingi reported. “She should be here in a few minutes.” 

They all waited, listening for some sort of sound of distress or her whispering something to them, but then they heard a door opening, matching the sound coming from the other side of the house, and Seonghwa raced off. 

He met Arah in the hallway, the anger and stiffness in her face melting away when she saw him, falling into exhaustion and allowing the fear to show through. 

She raced forward frantically at the sight of him, crashed into his chest, hugging him tightly. Hugging used to be reserved for special times, but they had been needed more often lately. 

“You did great,” he told her, whispering into her hair as she nodded, small noise sounding in the back of her throat. She was shaking slightly, trembling against his chest. 

“You heard everything?” she murmured, fingers curling into the back of his shirt. He nodded. “He wants me to kill you,” she whispered, pressing her head hard against his shoulder, eyes closed painfully tight. 

“I know,” he said, cradling the back of her head. “We’ll work it out.” 

“ _ How? _ ” she demanded, pulling away with misty eyes. “He wants proof, he-” She sighed, scrubbing at her eyes. “I- I can’t do it.” 

“You won’t,” Seonghwa promised, taking her hands and pulling them away to get her to look at him. “You think I’d let you kill me? You think I’d let some crazy bastard orchestrate my death? I thought you knew me better than that, Arah. I’m a little insulted.” 

She opened her mouth to fight, but he hushed her, pulling her back into another tight hug. The tremors wracking her body made him hold her tighter. 

Outside of these few weeks, Seonghwa hadn’t seen so physical upset since she was a child, waking up to nightmares. 

The way she pressed closer to him reminded him, yet again, that she still was a child. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he murmured against the top of her head. “You made it out of there alright. Everything else comes second.” 

She swallowed, nodding slowly. 

“I’m proud of you,” He whispered quietly, kissing the top of her head, chest twisting. “I know I act like I don’t trust you or that I don’t think you can handle things, but I’m so proud of everything you’ve done, Arah. Don’t ever doubt that.” 

She sniffed, pressing closer to dry her tears on his shirt. “I know,” she croaked honestly, and this is where Lanno had missed his mark. 

Lanno had gotten everything right: she was held back by Seonghwa’s fear that she would be hurt, she was annoyed every time he stopped her from moving onto something he believed she wasn’t ready for- 

But she was still alive for it. 

What child didn’t want to touch the hot stove? Begged to go riding alone in the street? Carried the knife a little too freely? Did they cry and scream when their parents told them no, took those objects away from them? Yes. 

Did that make the child right? No. 

Seonghwa never held her back to stifle her, to restrain her. It was protection. It was caring and checking for scrapes even after you said you were okay. It was… Seonghwa and her. That explanation had always been enough. 

Seonghwa, despite his protectiveness, always saw Arah at a distance. Ever since that first moment she picked up a map and wanted to learn, she had been independent. Since she began learning to fire a gun, she had operated alongside them- not relying  _ on  _ them, but working  _ with  _ them. 

Seonghwa hadn’t realized how far a distance he had kept until he realized how foreign it felt to have Arah leaning so heavily on him. 

He took her weight with ease, but not with pleasure. 

He always wanted her to be strong enough to carry the weight of the world, but he would help her carry what he could, whenever she asked it of him. 

~~~~~~~

“Alright, I’m pretty sure Lanno is going to contact me within the next few days,” Arah said, voice a little uneven. She didn’t have to try and hide her nerves here, she didn’t have to be afraid of feeling. “And when he does, I don’t think we’ll have a lot of time to plan.” 

“He wants you to kill Seonghwa,” Yunho said, wincing slightly at the statement. “First of all, we need to find a way around that.” 

Arah pressed her lips together, uncomfortable with even talking about it. “Yeah. And I was thinking about it, and I really just… I got nothing. I-” She swallowed before panic could build at her own helplessness. 

“Um.” Everyone looked towards Yeosang who was shifting nervously. “I have a… well, it’s not a great idea and it’s not even really… I mean, it could go really wrong, but if it’s Arah taking the shot…”

That didn’t sound reassuring. 

At everyone’s prompting glances, he pulled himself together a little. “Okay, well, basically, it’s this.” He pulled Arah’s laptop towards himself, typing something in and then turning it towards them. 

It was a diagram, a little model of an outline of a man with a line going down through his back from behind and out his chest. 

“What the hell is that?” San demanded, pulling the computer closer. 

“A last ditch effort?” Yeosang guessed helplessly. “Supposedly, if you can get the bullet to follow a certain path, you can kill someone without actually killing them. It was used in some war, and they thought the guy was dead but they were able to resuscitate them despite everything, even hours later.” 

Arah grabbed the laptop from San, looking at it closely. “This is… impossible,” she said, shaking her head. “You’d never be able to get the bullet to travel between two organs like that without nicking something.” 

“It’s happened before,” Yeosang pointed out, taking the laptop away. “Anyway, it’s a terrible plan which is why I wasn’t going to bring it up, but if we need a Hail Mary pass…” He shrugged, closing the top. 

“We’ll put that one on standby,” Seonghwa said stiffly. He didn’t like the idea of being shot by Arah or the idea of Arah having to shoot him. “Anything else-” 

There was the sound of a phone dinging, and Arah felt her leg vibrate, heart leaping to her throat. Everyone looked at her and she pulled the phone out of her pocket with shaking hands. It was just a text message from someone labeled ‘Boss’. 

_ Just checking in. Expect my message within a couple days. I’m working out the details with my men now. Be ready to make a move. Do not respond to this message.  _

She breathed out slowly, reading the message out loud. “I hate this,” she muttered. 

Ideas were tossed back and forth, and Arah felt her heart sink as each idea was shot down. She felt a wire tightening in her chest, singing a painful tune as it threatened to snap. 

“What if she just shoots Lanno when he thinks she’s going for Seonghwa?” Wooyoung suggested.

“There’s no telling what sort of repercussions would come from that,” Hongjoong said firmly. “And we don’t know if he’s even going to let Seonghwa get that close to him, he might just have her shoot him before he gets in a building.” 

“But we could plan for it, couldn’t we? Just in case! If he doesn’t-” 

Arah stood, sighing harshly as she ran a rough hand through her hair. She stepped over Hongjoong on the floor, making her way to the door. 

“Where are you going?” Seonghwa called. 

“To practice shooting,” she called over her shoulder, not stopping. 

“Why?” San questioned. 

“Because apparently I’m going to have to make it between two organs,” she snapped. “And  _ maybe  _ I don’t want to fuck up that shot.” The door closed behind her as she marched to the warehouse. 

They had life models of mannequins that they used sometimes to be precise. (It was how she learned to shoot only the kidney). 

Arah set them up, heading to the rafters of the warehouse and peering through her sniper scope. Her shot would go right above the heart… 

She fired the first shot and knew she had missed, knew it would be a fatal shot. She shoved down the part of her whispering that that would be Seonghwa and loaded another round. 

She shot until her shoulder turned numb from the recoil, stopping after she nearly lost her grip on the barrel, breathing a little heavily and staring at her hands. 

Not good enough. It was one thing to hit an organ, it was another to have to miss the organ. 

She set down her rifle, climbing down carefully and leaping onto the concrete floor. “Are you done?” She glanced over at Yeosang who was sitting in a crate, glancing up from his phone like he had been there for a while. 

“Your idea won’t work,” she said, massaging her shoulder. “It would be a shot in a million to not kill someone with that.” 

“It’s a last resort.” 

“Right now, it’s our  _ only  _ resort,” Arah fought angrily. “We have no other plans, so as of now, I’m acting as if I’m going to have to-” She broke off unwillingly, lowering her head and biting her lip as her eyes burned. 

She heard Yeosang get up, walking over. 

“To kill Seonghwa?” he finished, and Arah sucked in a deep breath as tears slipped down her cheeks. 

She scrubbed at her eyes, hating the emotions boiling in her stomach. “ _ I don’t want him to die _ ,” she cried, voice wavering. “I don’t want to lose him- I don’t want to lose  _ any of you _ . I can’t  _ do  _ this, Yeosang-” 

He pulled her closer until her head rested against his shoulder. “You shouldn’t have to,” he said quietly. “Out of everyone- you never should have had to go through this, Arah.” He took a deep breath. “But life doesn’t care who deserves what.” 

Arah pulled away, staring at him in confusion. “So you’re saying I have no choice?” 

“You always have a choice,” he said quietly, resting a hand on top of her head, expression heavy. “I’m saying that you have options. And none of them are good… but you do get to choose which one you go with.” 

~~~~~~~

Arah hadn’t moved from the couch since morning, staring at the table as she curled up, eyes unfocused and mind blank. All the fear and energy from before was drained, just leaving her tired and… hopeless. 

No one really spoke to her because there was no comfort they could offer. Arah wanted to snap herself out of it, to get up and use the anger in her veins to do something- 

Anger was a good motivator. 

Outrage and a desire to protect, those were what pushed her to be what she was today. Not playing along with a man who would have her kill Seonghwa, and think she would  _ enjoy it _ . 

When San dropped a bowl of food in front of her, she thanked him without looking at him, but didn’t move to eat it until he had left. 

She ate mechanically, the phone in her pocket burning a hole in her skin. She felt sick. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” She didn’t look at Seonghwa as he sat down beside her. 

“You already know what I’m thinking,” she muttered flatly. 

“Sometimes it’s better to say it out loud.” 

Arah shook her head numbly. “Not this time,” she whispered. “I don’t ever want to have to say it…” Her eyes were far away. “But I’ll still wind up having to do it. So what’s the point?” 

Seonghwa’s hand reached over, squeezing hers firmly. He didn’t say anything, to her surprise, but she was grateful for the silence. She didn’t think she could take any sort of false hope. 

“I have to take a chance,” she said suddenly, voice full of conviction but strained. “When the two of you meet… I have to shoot Lanno. We can deal with the fall out later, but… It’s the only option I’ll be able to live with.” 

Seonghwa sighed quietly. “We were coming to the same conclusion,” he admitted. “It’s the safest bet for everyone. Maybe they’ll be disoriented from losing their leader, it might buy us some time, if nothing else.” 

Arah hummed, rubbing her arms to warm them despite not being cold. “How did we get like this?” she asked weakly. “Part of me just wants to pack up and leave. Just… go somewhere else.” 

Seonghwa wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “Maybe afterwards we can,” he said quietly, almost wistfully. “Start over somewhere else.” 

It wasn’t something that had ever been brought up before, but Arah found herself nodding along, hoping that that time could already come. 

~~~~~~~

“He messaged me.” 

Hongjoong and San glanced up where they were scattered around, faces pale as she stared at the phone. 

“He’s going to contact Seonghwa tonight. The meeting is tomorrow. I’m going to be positioned on the roof of an apartment. He’ll be meeting Seonghwa in the streets.” She breathed out low and slow. “That should be an easy enough place to get a shot at him, right?” 

Despite the simplicity of it, she was shaking.

“Let’s go talk with the others,” Hongjoong said, coming over and taking her hand. “We’ll get started on details.” 

~~~~~~~

It was almost anticlimactic, how mundane the conversation between Seonghwa and Lanno was. His phone rang at the time that Arah had reported, and Seonghwa answered it with ice in his eyes, voice stiff and angry. 

“Hello?” he answered, and he was silent for a long time before nodding. “I’ll be there.” And then he lowered the phone, looking around at them. “He wants to meet tomorrow at noon. No wires, no weapons- just us.” And Arah with a sniper. 

Arah’s stomach flipped. Not even 24 hours notice. “What’s the plan?” she asked, voice hardening a little, and she found a little flicker of anger in her stomach, steadying her voice. 

Seonghwa glanced at her, something warming in his eyes before they turned icy. “We meet up, you take the shot whenever you can.” 

She nodded. “I’ll make sure it’s quick.” 

~~~~~~~

Arah was wired up with her earpiece, static crackling gently and it sounded so comforting, just hearing the slight breaths of the people on the other end. 

“About twenty minutes till the meet up time,” Wooyoung’s voice came through, a little stronger than it had been these past few days. “Yeosang’s got visual on Seonghwa, says he looks fine. You still good, Arah?” he asked. 

She hummed, perched on her rooftop. “I just need this to be over with now.” 

“It’ll be over soon,” Hongjoong promised. “Just wait a little longer.” 

Ten minutes till the meet up. 

The phone in her pocket rang. She jumped, nerves on edge, and took it out, staring at the screen. 

“He’s calling,” she breathed, taking out her earpiece and answering it. She forced her voice to drop. “What?” she demanded. 

Lanno chuckled on the other end. “You don’t sound happy to hear from me.” 

“He’s supposed to be here in a few minutes. What do you want, I’m trying to get a good angle?” Arah stared across the street at the spot where the two were supposed to meet. 

“Patience, Arah,” he crooned. “Trust me, we have time. I just figured you’d like to have a little hint for this test.” 

“A hint?” she snapped, though her blood turned cold. “What’s that mean?”

“Just a hint,” he promised. “This is a test, which means there are rules and consequences for failure.” 

Arah let go of the sniper, sitting back and gritting her teeth. 

“Your job is to kill Seonghwa in a single shot,” Lanno went on without a response from her. “Just to add a little spice for your talent, I have a few people ready just in case you fail.” 

“What does that  _ mean _ ?” Did her voice shake? The rest of her was. 

“It’s a nice jacket Wooyoung is wearing, isn’t it?” Lanno commented casually. “And I think those glasses suit Yeosang very much” 

Arah’s throat burned with bile. “You’re watching them?” Her voice came through quieter than she needed. 

“My men are,” Lanno agreed. “Just through the window of that lovely home, we aren’t foolish enough to get inside.” He chuckled good naturedly. “And if Seonghwa isn’t dead in a single shot, I’ll make sure the rest of your old family is.” 

Lanno knew where the house was, which meant he may have been watching it before. Did he know everything was an act? 

Arah almost dropped the phone, her grip weak. “I thought you  _ wanted  _ them dead?” she snapped. “Why not just kill them anyway if you can get so close to them?” Her eyes burned. 

“In due time,” Lanno chuckled. “For now, they’re only failsafes. You have nothing to worry about, though. You left, didn’t you? I just figured this might be a good way to encourage you. If you can pass this, I may let you kill the others as well. Sound fair?” 

Arah almost lost it. She almost threw the whole thing away. Almost cursed him and grabbed her sniper, almost fired every round she had through the window of the building she  _ knew he was in _ . 

She almost gave up everything because no matter how anything went, she would lose  _ everything  _ today. 

If she killed Lanno, the men killed the rest of her family. 

If she killed Seonghwa… 

No…  _ no, no, no-  _

“Arah?” Lanno prompted. “I’d like to hear you say you understand.”

She almost threw it all away. Almost decided that it would be less painful to just… take the easy way out. Just give up everything willingly so he didn’t have the satisfaction of being the one to take it from her. 

But, by the last shred of her strength, she spoke. “I understand.” 

Lanno hummed, satisfied. “Then, I believe you have five minutes until showtime. Good luck, Arah.” 

The line went dead. 

Arah stared at her sniper, eyes a million miles away. Numb fingers picked up the earpiece on the ground, shaking as they put it back to her ear. 

“Hongjoong,” she whispered, vision blurring as hot tears streaked her cheeks. 

“We heard.” His voice was hollow. “Mingi’s discreetly keeping on eye on where the men might be.” 

Arah sucked in a shaking breath, lungs freezing up. “He’s going to kill you if I don’t kill Seonghwa,” she whispered, voice dead. “ _ Hongjoong,  _ he’s-” 

“Seonghwa’s going to move in five minutes,” Yeosang murmured, almost like he was just making a little note. 

“We’ve got one chance,” Wooyoung’s voice said, and it sounded like he might be crying too. Or maybe it was just the static. “Arah, do you think you can make the shot Yeosang talked about before?” 

“ _ No _ ,” she bursted, lowering her face into her hands and breathing deeply. “I only managed to make it, like, once before! Out of a hundred shots, I barely managed once, I’d never be able to make it-”

“Arah,” Hongjoong’s voice came back through and it didn’t sound empty anymore. 

It was hard with anger and the sort of edge she was used to hearing when they were in the middle of tense missions. A voice that meant it was time to stop playing. 

“We’re left with one choice. You have to try and make it.” 

“Seonghwa doesn’t even  _ know _ !” she cried, wanting to rip her earpiece out so she didn’t have to listen. “He isn’t wired- We can’t contact him, he isn’t-”

“Arah, listen to me,” Yeosang came in, his voice stronger too, building off of Hongjoong’s. “You have no choice.” 

“You said I  _ always  _ had a choice,” she pressed, wiping at the tears still clinging to her cheeks. 

“Your choices here are to take a shot in the dark or walk towards a certainty,” Hongjoong said, voice sharp. “Arah, you have  _ two  _ choices: you  _ maybe  _ kill Seonghwa or Lanno definitely kills everyone.” His voice was almost cruel, and Arah lifted her hand to rip out the earpiece. “ _ We believe in you _ , Arah.” 

She froze, hand shaking where it gripped the earpiece. 

“If there’s anyone on this earth that stands a chance of getting out of this mess in one piece, it’s you, you crazy bitch.” 

“Hongjoong,” she heard Yeosang chastise his language. 

“ _ Arah _ ,” he pressed on. “It was never supposed to be you,” he said, speaking faster. “We were supposed to  _ protect  _ you, we were supposed to make sure you never had to do something you didn’t want to, and we’ve failed at that, and  _ I’m sorry _ , Arah-”

For the first time in her life… she heard Hongjoong’s voice break. 

“I’m  _ so fucking sorry  _ we can’t stop this, and I would do  _ anything  _ in a hearbeat to take this away from you,” he swore, “but  _ we can’t _ . We can’t, Arah. You’re the only one right now that can change the outcome. It was never  _ supposed  _ to be you, but  _ it is _ , Arah.” 

Her tears were silent, almost like afterthoughts to his words, and she felt something dark swirling inside her chest as her hand fell from her earpiece, shoulder shaking. 

She couldn’t let them die. Any of them. 

If there was a way to create a miracle out of pure desperation, it was going to happen now. 

Slowly, she moved forward. She laid down, resting her sniper against her shoulder. She wiped her eyes roughly, clearing her throat harshly and gripping the gun tight enough to turn her fingers numb. 

“Give me an update on Seonghwa,” she said, voice breaking. 

“Still on standby,” Wooyoung said quietly. “Three minutes until he moves.” 

She coughed hard, wiping away the last moisture in her eyes and settling into position. “I’m in position,” she whispered. “I’m taking the best shot I can get.” 

There was silence on the other end for a moment. “We’re proud of you, Arah,” Yeosang said quickly, like he was afraid of running out of time. “No matter what happens today or after,  _ we are so proud of you _ , do you understand?” 

Arah’s throat closed and her eyes burned again, but she shoved the feelings away. It all seemed too close to saying goodbye. “I know,” she whispered. Seonghwa had told her the same thing. 

_ Seonghwa _ . 

It was like she was seven again, staring up at a severe face through her rain soaked bangs. 

Following him around because she knew he was the only one she could trust. Growing up with gentle smiles and hands patting her head and poking her cheeks. Convincing him time and time again to let her do more and more,  _ convinced  _ that she was in the right. 

What if she had never taken those steps? If she had just been content to sit and watch from afar. Would things be different? Would they be better? 

“One minute,” Wooyoung said. 

What if she just had never met Seonghwa at all? If she had ignored what Mr. Nam had said in hushed whispers and gone back inside where her father stood with another beer bottle? What if she had never met Seonghwa? 

Arah was convinced she wouldn’t be here. Dead and unremembered. 

Would things be better if she was someone who had just listened when Seonghwa said it was too dangerous? Maybe. 

But she hadn’t. And she wasn’t back at home, worrying, she was out here. She was here, given the opportunity to do what she had begged to do so long ago: protect the people in her life. 

She had asked for this, and Seonghwa had given it to her.

She wouldn’t let it be taken away. 

~~~~~~~

Arah tightened her grip on the rifle, eyes straining from staring down the scope so long. 

“What if this doesn’t work?” she whispered through the earpiece, hands shaking but steady. 

“You’ve got one shot, Arah,” Yeosang said in lieu of answering. Her scope followed Seonghwa’s back as he walked across the street. “You’ve got to make it count.” 

Seonghwa fell hard, hitting the ground, not even knowing he should have expected something. 

“Target is down,” she whispered, choking on tears stuck in her throat. “Mission accomplished.” 

~~~~~~~

“Come to the car,” Lanno said, the only words he gave through the phone, and Arah was operating completely on autopilot as she stood, telling Hongjoong she would be going radio silent. 

Her voice was hollow, eyes dead as she climbed down to where there was a black car waiting. 

She could still see him. 

Laying there with a growing pool around him. She hurried into the car, slamming the door shut. 

Had she even shot correctly? It was out of her hands now. All she could do was pray and wring her hands together tight enough to bruise herself. 

The car drove off, and she just hoped the others had enough time to get to him. 

Lanno’s men would retreat, and they could save Seonghwa. Right? 

Hongdo looked down his nose at her. “I didn’t think it was all that impressive,” he sniffed. “I mean, there was no fanfare, and who even chooses such a place to shoot? He didn’t even have a chance to realize what was happening. A stomach wound would have-” 

Arah’s hand snapped to her boot, whipping out her handgun and pressing it to Hongdo’s forehead. He froze, a pathetic cry leaving his throat, eyes squeezing shut like it might stop a bullet. The numbness in her heart blazed like a match held over a flame. 

“Say another word,” she begged through gritted teeth. “Say one more goddamn thing and I’ll splatter your brains across the back of this car.” 

The divider slid down and Lanno stared at her disapprovingly. “Arah, put that down,” he said firmly. “We don’t fight among ourselves. Hongdo doesn’t understand the toll that these sorts of things can take. Forgive him.” 

Arah would never forgive them. Ever. And when she made her move, she was going to make it  _ hurt.  _

It took  _ everything-  _ another sharp command from Lanno- before she lowered the gun. Like a match blazing and then burning out, she lowered her gun, shoving it back into her boot. 

“Hongdo, leave her alone,” Lanno ordered. “She’s proven herself, so I won’t tolerate any hostility towards her. Now, I don’t want to hear from the two of you until we get back to the base, alright?” 

Hongdo tried to brush off the clear fear she had instilled in him. 

“Let’s just get along,” Lanno said coldly, “and bask in the glory that will be Seonghwa’s little family finding him cold and bled like a pig.” 

Arah’s stomach churned, a gag stuck in her throat that she forced to stay down with every ounce of will, her chest feeling like it was being torn in two. 

But… they had left Seonghwa. They wanted the others to find him, they might get to him in time- 

The silence was worse because it settled into her bones, making them heavy and sluggish, and she thought there would be more evidence- more swirling inside her mind, Seonghwa’s face running across it like a movie screen, but all she felt was numb. 

She got out the car when Lanno opened the door. She followed when he led her into another room, filled with maybe a hundred men. He introduced her as their newest edition. 

People cheered. Arah didn’t lift her eyes from the ground. She was passed onto a severe looking woman with more tattoos than skin, and Lanno told her to get Arah set up in her new home. 

She was shown a communal room with a handful of other women, all decades older than herself. They called her kid. She was led to different rooms, names and descriptions flying over head head like paper airplanes. 

Everyone lived on base and no one left, unless through Lanno’s orders, she warned. 

Arah spent the night, alone, staring at the bottom of the upper bunk bed, and trying not to vomit over the side as bile burned her throat. 

For the first time since she was seven, she slept without someone in her family nearby. She felt that absence like a brick in her throat. 

She got up the next morning feeling like shit- the women around her snickering and asking if she wanted some concealer or something. 

Numbly, she ignored them and simply followed the woman from yesterday who continued their little tour. 

“These are the ranges,” the woman said, opening a door into a large warehouse with targets set up. “Ammo is stored next door. Rounds, bombs, whatever you need to get, it’s over there. Lanno will want you to go there a lot, more than likely, so you’ll be familiar with it.” 

She was showed showers, cafeterias, warehouses, bunkers- everything you would need to survive a lifetime without ever leaving this little compound. 

This was where she was supposed to be living now. 

She wouldn’t be going home. As far as Lanno was concerned, she was done with the others. 

Her heart dropped to her stomach. What if he just had his men take out the others regardless? 

She been a fucking idiot to think he would just let them go- If Lanno were smart, he’d get rid of any and all things that could jeapordize her integrity- 

What if they were already dead?

Her eyes snapped to the woman. “I need to speak with Lanno,” she snapped. “ _ Now _ .” 

Arah was still new enough to be amusing rather than enraging, so the woman merely rolled her eyes, but took her to Lanno after her harsh insistence, muttering something about disrespectful youth. 

But Arah was led to an elevator, going up a few floors, and coming out into an office where Lanno sat, speaking with another man. 

“Interrupting a meeting?” Lanno tisked. “Maybe this was tolerated elsewhere, but-”

“Are the others dead?” she demanded, feeling like a zippo trying to light, sparks flying but none of them catching long enough to burn. “Did you kill them?”

Lanno scanned her face, as if trying to label what emotions he was seeing. “No,” he said eventually. “They’re still alive. I pulled my men back to be here for your homecoming.” 

“I want to kill them,” she said quickly. “You said you had considered it. I want to be the one to kill them.” 

Lanno hummed, intrigued, as he leaned forward onto laced fingers. “Why?” he asked, smirking. “Give me enough reason, and you can gain that right.” 

Arah sucked in a breath slowly, her mind racing through amber. “It’s like you said in the alley,” she burst. “They… they left me defenseless. They left me in a position where you could have killed me so easily, a position where I was so scared-” 

She cut herself off, afraid she might have blown it all, but Lanno just smiled, like it was so pleased she had been terrified. 

Her stomach twisted violently. Sick with the words she lied with. “I want payback for that. To make them face that. To feel that.” 

Lanno hummed, holding her gaze for so long, she was sure he was going to just stand up and shoot her, but he simply smiled, suddenly clapping his hands slowly. 

Arah’s eyes flickered around at the others in the room, checking to make sure they wouldn’t attack, but Lanno just clapped on, only stopping when he laughed. 

“Poetic,” he said, wiping an invisible tear. “That was moving, Arah, it really was. Enough that I’ll give you that.” He lifted a warning finger, eyes darkening. “Don’t get used to such easy treatment. But this once… because of everything, I’ll you that privilege.” 

Arah felt a burst of relief and panic. “Then I also need a few things if I’m going to be allowed this.” 

Lanno lifted an eyebrow before laughing joyously. “Arah, you truly have no bounds to your spirit, do you? You were raised a very strong willed person. I like that about you. So tell me… what is it you need?” 

~~~~~~~~

“You don’t think it looks bad?” 

Arah looked up from where she loaded her gun. Hongdo sneered down at her, and she ignored him. He seemed to have stopped becoming fed up with it rather quickly. 

“Don’t you think Lanno might start to question your loyalty, going back to those people? Couldn’t you just very well take them out through a window? It almost seems like you still hold some sort of sentiment for them.” 

Arah stopped rising to the bait. 

She felt a weight in her chest everytime she thought about where she was going- because if she thought about the others, she’d think about Seonghwa, and she couldn’t afford to do that right now. 

If she stopped long enough to think about it, she would break. 

“It only proves my point when you don’t answer,” he taunted. 

Arah had to keep up this facade. For just a little longer, she had to keep it up. She looked up, standing as she thrust her gun back into its holder, leveling Hongdo with an icy stare. 

“You underestimate them,” she said lowly, deep and angry. “I’ve lived with them my whole life, and I know that they’re better than that. I could maybe hit  _ one of them,  _ but the rest would disappear without a trace. I’m doing this  _ intelligently _ . Something you may want to try.” 

She shoved passed him, and she heard him huff. 

“They can’t be that good. I mean, Seonghwa didn’t even know what was coming when you shot him.” He chuckled as Arah jerked to a stop. “I kinda wish I had gotten a chance to see his face when you got him. I bet it was hilarious.” 

Every muscle in her body tensed as she whipped around, fist clenching and preparing to strike. She would target his neck, prepared to break his trachea for ever talking about Seonghwa like that- 

She turned and stopped, body tense, but the fist never flew. 

Hongdo stared at her in amusement as her last shred of self control stopped her. “It really does seem like you still care for him, Arah,” he said, like it was astonishing. “Do you?” 

Maybe Lanno was delusional. Maybe Lanno thought there would be no way she could betray him, but Hongdo, while an idiot, was not ignorant. 

Arah forced her fist to loosen as she stepped forward, crowding into Hongdo’s space until he stepped back. And then she kept pushing, the smirk falling from his face as she forced him against the wall, pinning him there with her gaze. 

“Seonghwa was a good man,” she said lowly, voice dark. The past tense made her blood chill. “He was an amazing fighter, and he could run  _ rings  _ around your idiotic ass.” She pressed her nail to his chest, pushing hard. 

Hongdo flinched like the fucking rat he was. 

“I lived with these men for sixteen years,” she hissed. “I respect them. I appreciate everything they taught me.  _ However _ , they left me vulnerable, they left me  _ defenseless.  _ And for that, I’m not going to hesitate when push comes to shove.” 

She stepped away, lowering her hand, Hongdo’s breath releasing pathetically. 

“Lanno said I was one of you now. So if you insinuate that my loyalty is flawed again, I’ll be forced to break that promise of  _ playing nice  _ with you.” 

She turned on her heel, her eyes stinging and heart in her throat. 

She couldn’t be so transparent. Seonghwa did not get shot just for her to fuck up after the fact. She had to be better. For Seonghwa. And the others. 

_ It was never supposed to be you,  _ Hongjoong had said.  _ We were supposed to protect you, we were supposed to make sure you never had to do something you didn’t want to.  _

She had always been in a position to choose what she wanted. She just wished her first experience of not having that privilege was softer. 

_ I’m so fucking sorry we can’t stop this, and if there was anyway we could just stop all this, but we can’t.  _

She needed to talk to them, she realized, panic rising alarmingly fast. To assure them. 

_ This wasn’t their fault.  _ It was her fault. Her fault for trying to fly too close to the sun, her fault for not being good enough, smart enough to think of another way. 

_ You’re the only one right now that can change the outcome. It was never supposed to be you, but it  _ is,  _ Arah _ . 

She pressed her lips together. 

Seonghwa often made jokes about her growing up too fast, asking her to slow down so she could be a little kid for longer. She had always been so vehement about growing up. Doing more and more and more- 

And now, here she was, a kid who didn’t really know anything, carrying the lives of too many men who were older, worthier, kinder, smarter,  _ better  _ than her. 

How could she carry all of that without falling? If desperation made miracles, Seonghwa would still be breathing. She would get out of here alive, and everyone… everyone would be okay. 

She didn’t even know if Seonghwa was still alive. 

She could be living in a world where he was dead, and she didn’t even know it. How was she supposed to cope with that loss, if she realized it?

How were you ever supposed to live with the fact you had made the choice to kill the best man you’d ever known? Your family? 

How did you ever live with yourself after your own inadequacies put him in that position?

When you were the one who pulled the trigger on someone who was your better in every way. 

Someone you loved so fucking deeply? 

There was no coming back from that. She just had to risk everything to make sure she didn’t lose a single other person, because she couldn’t take it. 

She couldn’t take another loss. Her guilt would drown her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been really bad about not leaving you guys on cliffhangers ㅠㅠㅠ  
> I’m so sorry! I’ll try and have the next chapter up soon! I hope you guys can hold off burning me at the stake~  
> But I hope you enjoyed it, regardless! Please let me know what you thought of it!!  
> I’ll be back soon, lovelies~  
> Have a great day! 
> 
> -SS


	3. Step 3: Hope to God They Make It Out Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! ㅠㅠ  
> Thank you so much for reading! I really did love writing this, and I’m so grateful to everyone who read!  
> Please let me know what you think about it! Thank you!!  
> -SS
> 
> Disclaimer: I have never known someone directly who was wheelchair bound, but I tried to research as much as possible!

Lanno was waiting for her at the door, a small smile on his lips. “I appreciate the poeticism of what you’re asking to do,” he said, patting on the shoulder. She forced herself not to pull away. “But don’t lose sight of your goal. I’ve granted you permission to go back, but don’t fall into any traps. I expect you back  _ with your job finished  _ by the weekend, understand?” 

Two and a half days. More than enough to actually get the job done, but what was she supposed to do in reality? She had no idea. She just had to assume the others would know. 

Because Arah certainly didn’t know what she was doing. Had she ever really known? Or was the entire decade she lived with them just… her playing pretend without an enemy good enough to call her bluff?

She nodded stiffly. “I’ll be careful, though. I don’t want any of them catching on. I’m not the best actor, but they won’t know what hit them.” 

Lanno grinned, patting her head softly, and Arah couldn’t stop herself from stepping away, keeping her face neutral. 

Lanno tisked. “You have to be more trusting, Arah. You’re among friends here, remember?” She didn’t respond. “There’s a car waiting to take you back.” 

She swallowed tightly. “Yeah,” she said, voice stronger than she felt. “I’ll be going.” 

Lanno nodded. “Good luck, Arah. And I expect a full report on everything when you get back, alright?” He waved and bowed as she passed, exiting the warehouse. 

The car was thankfully devoid of anyone, leaving her alone in the little black box. She counted her breaths, using all her concentration on that because if she let her mind wander she would start thinking of all the things she didn’t know. Like if Seonghwa was alive. 

What if she walked in, expression dark but hopeful, sure that the strongest man she knew made it through, only to be met with hung heads and pitying glances? 

What if she was forced to face the reality of her actions? What if she had to stand there and know… she had killed him? The first man… who had ever created a home for her… and she had killed him- 

What if she ran to his room, expecting to see him, injured but breathing, and there was nothing? What if Lanno had lied the whole time and she got back to a house full of corpses of her family- 

She counted onto 100 to stop her panicked breaths from growing too loud. 

When the car stopped, she got out, not at the familiar alleyway, but closer to the house. She closed the door, hands shaking, and waited until the car pulled away and out of sight before walking towards the door. 

Her heart was in her throat as she grasped the handle, breathing out quickly as she shoved it open, stepping inside as soon as there was room. 

She looked around, hearing nothing, and panic flooded her veins as she sprinted down the hall, the fear of the worst crawling up her throat. 

“ _ Guys? _ ” she yelled, voice hoarse, bursting into the living room and finding it empty. She spun around frantically, almost running into someone. Arah screamed, leaping back, but an soft hand caught her wrist. 

“ _ Arah _ .” 

The panic subsided at the familiar voice, allowing her to actually realize who was speaking to her and she saw Hongjoong staring at her with wide eyes, clearly as shocked by her appearance as she was by his. 

For a moment, both of them stood still, and then Arah brain caught up, telling her what was obvious:  _ he was alive.  _

It was like being found in the alley again. She hadn’t even realized how much as pent up inside of her, pressing against a dam that was begging to fall, building up inside her veins and behind her eyes, practically choking her so slowly she didn’t even notice- 

And then suddenly, at the appearance of one of them, it vanished, flowing out of her like a waterfall, roaring passed her ears. 

Her legs felt weak, eyes stinging as she relaxed, only to surge forward, wrapping her arms around Hongjoong’s neck and almost choking him. 

She felt him tense against her, catching around the waist by instinct. She pressed her face to his neck, shoulder shaking as tears leaked out. 

“You’re okay,” she sobbed, fingers curling tightly into the back of his shirt. 

Finally, Hongjoong relaxed, arms tightening around her as he pressed his face to her hair. “Yeah,” he said, voice a little uneven as he rubbed her back soothingly. “And so are you. You’re okay, Arah, you’re okay-” 

She clung to him until she heard the quiet sound of someone clearing their throats, and she looked up, seeing the others waiting, looking a little shaken, but offering small smiles. 

Arah removed herself from Hongjoong to throw her arms around Wooyoung who was closest. He hugged her back, whispering something about being glad she was safe. 

She hugged them all, the tears falling a little harder at each embrace that promised her she was safe, she was okay, everyone was okay. 

It wasn’t until she finished hugging Yunho that she pulled back, her heart dropping like a stone into her stomach. She whipped around, eyes terrified. 

“ _ Seonghwa, _ ” she breathed shakily, hands trembling where she grabbed onto Yeosang. “Where’s Seonghwa? Did I-” 

Yeosang laid a quick hand over hers, eyes misty. “He’s alive,” he said, and the relief was enough to take her knees out. 

She breathed out, letting herself slide to the ground as cold, icy relief washed over her like a riptide, threatening to make her lost at sea. She breathed evenly, trying to keep her mind straight as she pressed a hand to her heart, the words echoing inside her mind.

She felt hands holding onto her, voices asking if she was okay, but Arah was already ten feet beneath water, drowning in terrifying relief- 

_ He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive.  _

San got to the floor beside her, making sure she wasn’t about to pass out, touching her forehead carefully. “Let’s go see,” he coaxed gently. 

Arah looked up sharply, confusion painting her eyes. “He’s  _ here _ ? With a wound like that-”

“A hospital was going to ask too many questions,” Mingi explained firmly. “It’s been a little more touch and go than we’re comfortable with, and he’s not entirely alright yet, but he is alive.” 

She used San as a support as she stood on weak knees. “I want to see him,” she said, her entire body vibrating like an electric current was running through her. 

San didn’t waste anytime, leading her down the hall, passing the empty bedrooms until they stopped at his. It was closed, and as San opened the door, Arah found her lungs locking up. 

Did she really want to see what was beyond it? 

But San didn’t hear her inner turmoil, so he pushed the door open and Arah was exposed to the inside. They had pretty advanced instruments here, given how badly they could be hurt. 

Seonghwa had a small heart monitor attached to his finger, and there was a breathing mask over his mouth, fogging up a little with each breath. 

But there were  _ breaths _ . 

She could see his chest rising and falling. He had no shirt on, his chest wrapped almost completely from torso to neck. His dark hair fell in his closed eyes, small parts of it crusted with dried blood. She could see small tinges of pink on the bandages as her throat slowly tightened to the point of choking her. 

She did this. She put him here. 

Arah let go of San, walking inside slowly, in a trance. 

“He should be fine,” San said behind her quietly as she stood at the end of the bed. “The bullet passed between his heart and lungs, like planned. Right now, our biggest concern is infection, but he’s out of the hot area for that for now. He should make a full recovery.”

A hand touched Arah’s shoulder gently. 

“It’s hard… but you did it, Arah. You succeeded. You pulled a fucking miracle,” San told her, voice heavy but genuine with pride and love.

Arah didn’t even realize she was crying until the blankets covering Seonghwa’s legs darkened in a few spots. She reached out, touching the wet patches as more fell alongside them. 

All the guilt she had been shoving down, forcing to the back of her mind to keep her from thinking of it rushed to the front, threatening to choke her. 

She hiccupped softly as she grabbed the arm of the nearest chair, sinking into it when her legs wouldn’t hold her any longer. She moved it closer to the bed, staring at Seonghwa’s face. 

There was a bruise and scrapes along his forehead, probably from where he hit the ground. His expression was relaxed, and if it weren’t for everything around him, she might believe he was just taking a nap, like he did when they pulled one too many all nighters. 

“He’s woken up a few times,” San noted. “Not for long, and he wasn’t very coherent. He sleeps for a long time between them, but it’s a good sign.” 

Arah hesitated, but reached out, touching his hand gently, careful of the monitor attached to it. It was cold, from being outside the blankets, and she wrapped her fingers around his wrist gently, feeling the gentle pulse there, like she didn’t trust the machine. 

“Can I-” Her voice cracked, and she hung her head. “Can I h-have a minute?” 

San stared at her sadly, but nodded. “We’re out here if you need anything, alright?” Arah nodded, not lifting her head, and she heard the door close gently. 

She stared at Seonghwa’s hand for another moment, head slowly falling forward until it rested against his arm, her hand wrapping around his gently. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered around the salt on her lips, eyes squeezing shut as she tightened the hold on his hand. “I’m  _ so sorry _ ,” she whispered, over and over to the quietness. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-” She cried gently against him, not moving even after the tears ran out. 

She was tired. She was so exhausted, her body not given a moment’s peace for weeks, and even here, there was no comfort or real safety, but it was Seonghwa which was more than she could ask for. 

Arah fell asleep or fell unconscious. Whichever, she slept and she didn’t dream, but she knew she was sleeping, existing for a moment in just a comforting darkness until she felt something touching her. 

In a moment, she opened her eyes, sucking in a sharp breath at the foreign touch, but she registered that it was someone petting her hair. She stared at the threads of the blanket she laid against, blinking slowly until she remembered- Seonghwa. 

Arah shifted her head, turning towards the head of the bed and found Seonghwa smiling tiredly at her. “You awake?” he whispered, voice quiet and rough. 

Arah sat up suddenly, wide awake, and stared at him, not quite believing she hadn’t just started dreaming. Seonghwa had his hand wrapped around her wrist gently, tightening the hold when it seemed like she was trying to pull away. 

“Seonghwa,” she whispered numbly, it somehow being worse now that he was awake. 

The smile on his face faded slightly, and he tugged at her wrist. She didn’t know quite what he wanted, but she followed the tug until she was standing. 

And then Seonghwa was pulling her down, and she tried to fight it because she couldn’t hug him while his chest was bandaged and just recently shot, but he tugged harder- weaker than she had ever seen him, but she followed, carefully keeping herself suspended above him as he wrapped weak arms around her. 

“ _ I’m sorry,”  _ he whispered against her hair, and Arah froze at the tremor in his voice. “I’m so sorry you had to do it. I should have found another way- I’m  _ so sorry,  _ Arah. You never should have-” He broke off, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “I’m sorry... you had to do that, Arah.” 

She wanted to shake him. 

To demand what the hell was wrong with him because  _ Seonghwa  _ had no knowledge anything had gone wrong.  _ Arah  _ was the one who had shot him without warning.  _ Arah  _ was the reason he was here. 

Seonghwa hadn’t done a thing but become collateral. 

She pulled away, shaking her head sharply, staring at Seonghwa in shock. His eyes were misty and she begged that he didn’t start crying because that was going to be a breaking point for her. 

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head as she grabbed his wrist. “Seonghwa, what are you saying- You- You didn’t do anything, you- Don’t apologize for something like that. I’m the one who should be saying I’m sorry, I-” She choked off. “Seonghwa, I  _ shot  _ you-” 

Maybe it didn’t fully settle, until this moment… that she had done that. 

“And I’m sorry you had to be put in that position,” he whispered, voice weak and pained for her. Not for the shot in his back. 

Arah bit her lip to keep her composure. “Do you know what happened?” 

He nodded slowly, looking worn out. “The others sort of filled me in when I was conscious.” His brow pulled down slightly. “What happened to you?” he rasped. “They said you went back with Lanno, and then they heard nothing.”

“How long was I asleep?” 

“All night,” He muttered. “It’s nearly noon.” 

Arah swallowed, having forgotten for a moment that she was on a time limit. “I… Lanno trusts me now. Implicitly. I came…” Her heart twisted. “I came back here because I convinced him I was coming to kill the others.” 

“He still thinks I’m-” He winced. “Gone?” 

Arah nodded, a flicker of anger in her stomach. “And he’s smug as hell about it. I almost shot Hongdo so many times for the way he spoke-” She clenched a fist, just wishing she could do it  _ once _ . But the anger was doused by fear once more. “I have two days to convince him I’ve killed the others.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes were dark, but his hand was gentle as ever around hers. “We’ll work it out,” he promised. “What happens if you don’t succeed in killing the others?” 

Arah shrugged. “I guess he either labels me as incompetent, or maybe he’ll rethink his original stance on how loyal I am. I don’t know. Hongdo would probably use it to try and convince him I still have feelings for the people here.” 

And she did. She very much did. 

There was anger and sadness in Seonghwa’s eyes, but he nodded calmly. “Did you have any plans?” he asked quietly. 

Arah scoffed softly, staring at her hands. “Me? We’ve seen how well my plans work out.” 

“We’re all still here, aren’t we?” Seonghwa pointed out. “They may not have gone perfectly, but everything’s worked, Arah. And that’s all we need.” 

Arah didn’t want to try anything more. She didn’t want to have to go back, she didn’t want to have to stand before those men and act as if she wasn’t dying with her family in danger. 

She wanted to stay here, with Seonghwa, with the others. She didn’t want to be in danger anymore, she didn’t want to pretend that she wasn’t terrified, she didn’t want to think of anymore plans that put them in these situations. 

She was just a kid, she wasn’t supposed to be the one on the front lines with guns pointed at every limb- 

It wasn’t supposed to be her. But it was. 

She choked on her own hopelessness, but she nodded. “I had one,” she admitted. “But it has very little chance of actually working.” 

Seonghwa smiled warmly at her. “I’m still here after something that shouldn’t have worked. Your track record is pretty good.” 

~~~~~~~

“You want… to blow up a warehouse full of ammo?” 

Yeosang spoke as if he hadn’t really heard what she had said, despite the silence of the room around them. 

Arah lowered her head, terrified and hating her own decisions. “Yes,” she said firmly. “It’s bigger than we thought. And there are people there who are just as ready to fight for his cause as he is. It won’t do anything just to take him out. We have to cripple the whole operation. And the only way I can do that on such a large scale, is the warehouse.” 

“Arah, the explosion that would create would- it would kill you before you could get far enough away,” Wooyoung murmured, like he was afraid to say it louder. 

“There are bombs there,” Arah said, staring at the floor. “I can set one for long enough that I’d get away.” 

“What about the people there?” Hongjoong said. “What’s keeping them from stopping you?” 

“I’m not going to check back in with Lanno,” she said firmly. “I’d head back at night, before they expect me back, and I’d do it as quick as possible. Most of them shouldn’t even be awake when it happens.” It was dark. It was sick and twisted. 

But it was the only way. The only way she knew to make sure they would be safe. 

She had to keep them safe. To save them, like they had saved her. 

“I trust you,” Seonghwa said from the bed. He looked tired, awake for the longest time since it happened, but his voice was convinced. “You have more information than we do about the whole operation. If you think this is what needs to happen, you just need to tell us what you need from us.” 

They couldn’t help her. If things went south, they needed to preserve her cover as much as possible. They had to stay behind, watching as their girl walked into the lion’s den. It was like poetic justice or something. 

She had gotten tired of watching and hoping, so she learned to be like them. And now, they were forced to sit and watch and hope as she tried to get them out of this mess. 

“There’s nothing any of you can do,” Arah said quietly. “Maybe we could risk an earpiece, but it wouldn’t do much good aside from letting you hear my progress.” 

“We’ll do an earpiece if you think we can risk it,” Hongjoong said without waiting for anyone else’s opinion. “When do you want to do it?” 

“Tonight,” she said with conviction. “It has to be tonight. He expects me back before tomorrow night, so if I’m going to have a chance, I have to be ready by tonight.” 

“That’s not enough time to prepare,” Jongho fought, knuckles white with how hard he held the edge of the table. 

“There’s nothing to prepare for,” she pressed sternly. “All I need is an earpiece and then everything else is already in the warehouse.” 

Everyone was quiet, a heaviness on their shoulders as they all digested it. “So… does that mean after tonight… it’s over?” Yeosang’s voice was almost like he didn’t want to voice it. 

Arah swallowed. “Well, considering at the end of tonight, they’ll either be dead… or figure out that I’ve been playing them… yeah, I’d say it’s over after tonight.” 

Maybe she could talk her way out of it… but that would be a miracle. 

Arah couldn’t look at Seonghwa, but she knew he was looking at her. “Guys,” she heard him say, and he didn’t say anything else, but his face must have been enough because everyone stood. 

“We’ll get that earpiece set up,” Hongjoong said, and everyone filed out. Arah didn’t want to look at Seonghwa, but he apparently didn’t need her to in order to say what he wanted to say. 

“It’s going to work out.” 

“You don’t know that,” she responded without hesitation. “I could die tonight.” 

The words were dropped like cinder blocks into the ocean, yanking her down without any hope of rising again. 

“You could. But you won’t,” Seonghwa promised. “I’ve been placing a lot of trust in you, Arah…. Trusting that you’ll be smart enough, trusting you’ll come back home… and you’ve delivered every time. Trust me this time, okay? You  _ will  _ make it out of there.” 

His voice was so sure, it was impossible not to believe it, but believing and feeling were two different things. 

Arah’s lips quivered, but she didn’t cry. “ _ I’m scared,”  _ she admitted. She never used to say when she was scared. She would tuck it away and the others would always know, but she never said it. She had been saying it a lot lately, though. 

There was a short silence before Seonghwa responded. “I am, too.” 

She looked up then, staring at him as he watched her carefully, lips thinned as he rested a hand on her arm. 

“I’m  _ terrified,  _ Arah,” he admitted, and she didn’t know how many times she had ever heard him admit to being afraid. “I’m so scared I’m going to lose you…” He squeezed her arm. “But you’re scared too. And you’ve pushed through  _ so much _ . You’ve been  _ so brave _ , Arah. So I’m trying to have that same bravery. It’s not easy- it’s terrifying, but I think if you can do it, I can too.” 

Arah didn’t feel brave. She felt like she was hanging by a thread. A thinning thread that laughed as it threatened to snap. 

“I’m not brave,” she whispered. “But I’m trying to be.” 

“It’s enough,” he promised quietly. “Whatever you’ve been doing, just keep doing it for a little while longer. It’ll be enough.” 

~~~~~~~

The warehouse was dark. Quiet. 

Arah could hear the static in her ear. “I’m heading straight to the warehouse,” she whispered, almost inaudible. “I’m not going to be speaking after this.” 

“We’re watching you,” Hongjoong promised. “After you set the bomb, let us know, and then run like hell, squirt.” 

Arah wanted to cry at the nickname. “Is as I’m about to blow up a building the best time to be calling me names?” 

“Just put those little legs to work,” Hongjoong ordered, clearly trying to calm her. It worked. A little. 

“Going in,” she said, and pulled out her gun from her boot, holding it at the ready as she opened the door. She had never entered from this side of the building, but once she closed the door, she could see exactly where she was- about four rooms over from the ammo hold. 

It was quiet, but there were enough lights to see by, dimmed but visible. Her feet made soft taps against the floor, but she moved as quickly as she could. 

She passed through three rooms- all empty, all dark. She came out into a hallway. At the end was the door that led to the ammo stores. 

So far so good, and it had only been five minutes. 

She pulled on the door handles, hand shaking slightly as she opened it and aimed inside, just in case someone was waiting. 

Easy enough. Just set the bomb, run through the three rooms again, and book it once she was outside. 

She had already plotted the exact path she would take to get behind as many buildings as possible when it blew. 

Arah had been in here before- she knew where things were, but not precisely. She scanned boxes, crates, bags, looking for the bombs she knew were in here. 

The warehouse was large, her breathing echoing throughout it, making her pause and hold her breath to try and calm her heart that leapt at the sound. 

The soft rasp of breaths echoing continued past where hers stopped. 

Arah whipped around, gun raised as she breathed out and saw no one, but she could hear it. Hear the breathing. 

“Who’s there?” she said, voice loud in the cavernous space. She shifted, turning and aiming her gun in every direction- 

A limb flew at her and she hit the ground hard, rolling and coming up with her gun already firing before she even saw who it was. She heard it hit the metal of the walls and cursed. 

People would come looking for noise. She was now running on borrowed time. 

But she waited, and she knew someone was hiding behind the boxes. 

“You lied, Arah.” 

The voice echoed eerily, and she tightened her hold on the gun. 

Everything was too obvious. There was no point in trying to talk her way out. 

This ended tonight. 

“Come out, Lanno,” she called. “Stop hiding like a coward.” She scanned the room. “Or do you admit that I’m your better with a gun?” 

“Oh, I knew you were my better with a gun,” He said, and she moved, trying to catch a glimpse of him. “And I trusted you. I put my faith in you that you would let me make you my better in  _ all  _ things. I offered you so much power, Arah. And you threw it away for what? A few dead men walking.” 

Arah caught a flash of movement and shot again. She heard the wood of a crate splinter, immediately followed by the sound of several rounds of stored ammo going off. She hit the ground as bullets went off over her head. 

Feet were running towards her. She flipped, but her gun was kicked from her grip and she cried out as her hand burst into pain as hands wrapped around her wrists, pinning her. 

She stared up, not at Lanno, but at Hongdo who was grinning down at her twistedly. “I told you,” he said, panting. “You would want me as a friend.” 

“As if that would have made a different outcome,” she spat, and she saw Lanno step out from behind the crates. 

“When Hongdo demanded I keep an eye on you-  _ begged  _ me to believe him that you were a turncoat- I wanted to kill him for slander. But I humored him, and Arah…” 

He stopped beside her, staring down at her with a frown. She tested Hongdo’s grip and found it almost as solid as Lanno’s. 

“I’m so disappointed in you, Arah,” he said quietly. “I trusted you. How could you betray me like that? I was going to give you everything-” 

She slammed her head into Hongdo’s. Maybe against Lanno the move would have been ineffective, but Hongdo was her size and childish. 

She heard his nose crack under her skull and when he flew off of her, she rolled away, putting as much room between her and them as possible. She heard Hongdo whimpering, clutching at his nose as blood fell onto the ground. 

Lanno was staring at her, and all pity and sadness was gone from his eyes. He stared at her with murder in his irises. “I don’t make a good enemy, Arah,” He threatened. “And you’ve just made a very big one with me.” 

“Dead men don’t talk,” She panted, eyes flickering around, looking for any guns that were- 

To her right. A crate open, marking on the side revealing the weapons inside. She watched the two of them carefully. “You think you could kill me?” he laughed. “We’ve discussed this, Arah- you are powerless without your weapons.” 

She was. Which was why she dove for the grate as hard as she could. 

There was the sound of a gunshot, but she was behind the crate, using the moment between bullets to reach in and grab one of the glocks inside. 

“Come out, Arah,” Hongdo demanded, speaking through a broken nose. “And I’ll make your death quick.” 

“Lanno would entrust my death to you?” she taunted, frantically loading up the bullets and cocking it. “You? Who would lay down and die just because you were told to?”

“I follow orders,” He snapped, and his voice was closer. She held her breath, counting her heartbeats. “Something you could learn.” 

She held the gun aloft. “I make my own orders,” she whispered, thrusting her legs up and spinning. 

Hongdo shot a millisecond before she did, the two shots almost mingling into one sound. She saw Hongdo fall back even as she collapsed, crying out and clutching her side. 

Arah fell behind the crate, crying through gritted teeth as she pressed a hand to her waist, daring to look down and seeing blood pouring over her fingers. Her vision swam. 

“That… was not nice, Arah,” Lanno said, voice icy enough that the numbing pain in her side seemed dulled in comparison. Maybe she was going into shock. “Hongdo was to be my legacy. The two of you were supposed to lead my empire. And here, you’ve killed him. Murdered someone who was to be your brother in arms.” 

Arah’s shot had been lethal, and even if Hongdo’s hasn’t, it still had done serious damage. 

Arah tried to sit up, but cried out, tears slipping out as she tried to breathe to ease the pain. 

“Even with a gun, you were below him,” he hissed, voice echoing loudly, making her head spin. Or maybe that was the blood. “You allowed him to shoot you. You are both nothing but disappointments. Constant, unending disappointments… I want you dead, Arah.” 

The words chilled her blood, making her look around frantically, expecting a blow any minute. 

“I’ve wanted you dead longer,” she spat, using her arm to shove herself up to her knees.

Her vision blurred, but the pain just felt like a brand being pressed to her skin, rather than claws tearing through it. Yeah, she was definitely going into shock. 

She could hear the drip drip of blood hitting the ground. 

“What is your plan here, Arah? I see you sneak back in on the cameras, and here you are in the ammo warehouse? Are you stealing from me, Arah?” 

She forced herself to flip, onto her hands and knees which only made a loud splatter as blood slipped out faster. 

“Fuck,” she hissed around the tears. “Fuck, I-” She grit her teeth hard enough to break them. “You have nothing I could ever want,” she spit darkly, tightening her grip on her gun. It slid a little, slick with red, but she peered around the edge of the crate. 

Lanno didn’t even have a weapon, but he was less than ten feet away. He grinned when he saw her. “I could give you life. I could let you live. Or I could let you bleed out on a dirty floor, miles away from that family you gave up everything for.”

Anger welled in her throat as she lifted her gun and shot. The pain made her hand slip, and the bullet went nowhere near Lanno. The kick back from it made her cry out, spitting out a metallic taste in her mouth and seeing blood mingled on her lips. 

Lanno stepped closer. “Where are they now, Arah?” he asked. “As you’re here, breathing your last,  _ where are they?”  _

A curse was on the edge of her tongue, but a soft voice sounded in her ear, whispering desperately. 

“We’re right here, Arah...” 

She had forgotten about the earpiece, and she jumped at the sudden voice, but she sucked in a sharp breath, hearing it again. 

“Keep going, Arah,” Seonghwa’s voice came through, begging and pleading quietly, and she expected it to be strong, bold, encouraging and uplifting her, but it wasn’t. 

It was quiet, almost a whisper, almost like he was talking more to himself. But it was scared. It was terrified, and it was pleading, begging her to get up, to keep going, to come home safe- 

“ _ Please,  _ keep going,” he begged absently, almost certainly not expecting her to be able to hear him. “We’re here, I swear.” 

She felt her eyes sting, but she pushed herself back behind the crate, crawling through a puddle of her own blood and around another crate. She shoved the gun into her holder. 

Blood created a path behind her but she kept going, small noises of pain escaping with each movement. 

“Come on, squirt-” 

“Get back here, Arah,” Lanno snapped, voice booming. “I’m done playing with you.” 

She crawled behind crates, meeting a wall and turning. The bombs were against a wall, they were somewhere around here she just needed to- 

She jumped, screaming as Lanno kicked a crate, splintering wood and sending bullets tearing across the floor, the loud noises making her ears want to burst. She kept crawling, gritting her teeth as she reached another wall and turned again. 

She stared at a crate marked with large red letters spelling DANGER HIGH EXPLOSIVE. 

She grabbed the edge, using it to haul herself up so she could stand, hunched over and still hidden. She tore off the lid. 

“You’re so difficult, Arah,” he groaned, voice echoing around her like a demon inside her head. “Should I smoke you out? Or do I just continue this game of cat and mouse until you’ve bled out and can’t move anymore?” 

She reached in, grabbing a small black square with a small screen on it. She fell back onto the ground, clutching it with slippery hands. 

“I can  _ hear  _ you, Arah,” he sang, a laugh brightening the words. 

She twisted the tab on the side, breathing coming in tight pants, like she was sucking in something that wasn’t air. The small screen blinked on and she tapped the side, the counter going up and up until ten minutes blinked up at her. 

She held onto it, grabbing the crate again and pulling herself to her feet. A burst of blood fell from her side at the effort, but she caught herself on the box, breathing through her teeth as she clung to boxes to help her walk. 

She made it to another wall, finally on the end with the door to exit. She set the bomb down, hands shaking uncontrollably. She grabbed the gun at her boot, barely able to keep her grip on it, and took several deep breaths. 

It fucking hurt.

Lanno’s head popped around the edge of the crate. “Boo.” 

Arah screamed, hand moving on instinct and firing a shot. It forced Lanno back but came nowhere near him. Her grip was too weak, the gun clattering to the ground as she whipped around, hitting the small button on the side. 

10 minutes blinked down to 9:59. The clock starts. 

She touched her earpiece. “It’s s-”

“That wasn’t very  _ nice, _ ” Lanno growled, a hand snaking out of nowhere and grabbing her arm. 

She cried out as he hauled her forward, throwing her onto the ground. She hit hard, curling around her side. She couldn’t even cry from the pain, just staring blankly as her entire body strung tight enough to break. 

“Arah?” Hongjoong demanded through the earpiece. “Arah, is it done?” 

“I’m bored now, Arah,” Lanno said, stepping close to her. He picked up the gun she had dropped, twirling it as he cocked it, aiming it at her back. “And being bored is the worst, isn’t it?” 

If desperation made miracles, Arah had stopped feeling the pain. 

The hot agony across her skin was muted for a single, glowing moment, and she twisted. 

Her leg flew up, and it wasn’t enough to kick the gun away, but it was enough to throw the bullet off track into the opposite wall. 

The momentum of her leg carried her into a roll and she came up on her hands and knees. She rode the momentum further, forcing her legs to straighten. Her vision blurred, and she swayed on her feet, but she didn’t stop, stumbling in the direction she  _ knew  _ the door was in. 

Pain had been overtaken by survival for at least a glowing moment. 

Another gunshot. She saw metal warp as a hole appeared in the wall by the door, but she didn’t stop, even as pain bled back into her mind slowly, like a numb limb waking up and playing static before throbbing. 

Arah ripped the door open and fell through, her weight throwing itself around like a drunkard as she used walls to support herself, dragging herself with her nails through the first room. 

“ _ Arah!” _

Lanno was no longer playful, no longer coy. There was only rage pushing through his words, digging into her mind. 

“The bomb is set,” she sobbed, clutching at her side that wasn’t bleeding as much as before. She was probably running out of blood to lose. 

“Don’t stop,” she heard Yeosang beg through her ear. “Run, Arah, just  _ run _ .”

She grit her teeth, choking on pain as she pushed off the wall and sprinted through the next room. She fell against the door, panting, and she coughed again, wet splatter hitting the grey metal. Arah ripped the door open and kept going, reaching the hallway to outside. 

She could her metal slamming behind her, and knew that Lanno was following. 

When the chilled outside air hit her, she almost sobbed, clutching her side and limping frantically away from the building. She crossed the street, but she needed to be a hell of a lot farther than that if she wanted to make it. 

She raced down an alleyway, barely making it into the shadow of two buildings- 

She heard the gunshot, and then all she saw was the ground coming up to meet her. 

She hit hard, and she screamed. It was like the impact jolted her mind to realize what had happened. She had just been shot in the back. 

Someone screamed her name, and it might have been Lanno or it could have been one of the others, but she cried, clutching at the fire at the small of her back. 

Oh, it was the others. She could hear them demanding what had happened. 

“Enough is enough, Arah,” Lanno spat, fire burning in his words. “You’ve overstayed your welcome, and I am officially bored. No worm is worth this much trouble. And so, you will die here. Alone. In an empty street. As your family listens on.” 

“Get out of there,” she heard Wooyoung beg. “ _ Get out of there,  _ Arah, the bomb-” 

She was laying on her stomach. She couldn’t see Lanno, but she grabbed the ground and pulled herself forward. Her legs felt like dead weight, not listening to her commands to move, to help her get out of here- 

How long was left till the bomb went off? A minute? Less? How long had it been? 

“Arah, we’re coming,” she heard Hongjoong frantically. “We’re already on our way, just hold on, we’re coming-” 

She kept pulling herself, concrete breaking the skin of her fingers, but she kept pulling herself, the rough ground dragging against her wound that she had lost feeling in. 

“No, you don’t,” Lanno snarled, and he grabbed her ankles, pulling her back. 

Arah screamed, frantically clawing at the ground, trying to kick, trying to get her legs to work- 

The world exploded into light. 

Arah imagined that if the world ever ended, it would sound like this. 

Bullets ringing, metal tearing, fire and flashes blinding them. 

Lanno jerked forward, and his massive body fell on top of her, making her cry out, trying to get him off, trying to get away- 

Arah heard and saw shrapnel- metal and wood and casing- firing into the street at a deafening rate. Her ears popped, trapped beneath this monster who wasn’t moving. She could see something sticking out of his neck. Was that- 

A secondary explosion sounded, fire and heat spreading across her body as she felt like oxygen was being sucked out of her lungs. Pain and desperation and fear clouded her vision, and her sight faded to black as another explosion sounded. 

Arah fell unconscious, and for the first time in so long, felt nothing. 

No fear, no pain, no desperation… she closed her eyes, and wondered if this was what it was like to die. 

She wondered if Seonghwa had felt like this when she had shot him. Not knowing what was happening, just thinking you would be able to get out alive, and then suddenly you were blacking out, wondering if you were ever going to see the people you loved again. 

She hoped they didn’t find her like this. Part of her thought it would just be easier if they never found her body, never knew what happened to her. She didn’t want to think about what it might do to them. So she didn’t think. 

She fell asleep. 

~~~~~~~

The car hadn’t even stopped before the doors opened, people falling out in desperate bursts of fear. 

Seonghwa got out, intent on sprinting to the nearest place that looked like it might be holding Arah, but he froze as soon as he looked on. 

The warehouse and surrounding buildings were gone. Completely gone. 

There were no structures sticking up, a bar that might have once been a room- Nothing. It was leveled and charred and twisted like the worst kind of attack, fires burning inside of it. 

Her blood froze in his veins as his legs threatened to give out on him. 

He shouldn’t even be standing, technically, but no one had had the state of mind to try and get him to stay behind. 

He was the least important person in their minds right now. 

He clutched his stomach and he stared at the ruins around them. 

She couldn’t be in there. Arah couldn’t be in there, nothing was alive in there,  _ she couldn’t be in there- _

He stumbled forward a step, unable to comprehend what he was seeing, what must have happened. Arah was… 

“ _ Seonghwa _ .” It was strangled. Short and clipped and tight. 

He whipped around to see San staring in horror, face pale. He was staring down the street. “That’s not-” he broke off, hand coming up to cover his mouth. “Tell me that’s not…” 

Seonghwa followed his gaze, and in the darkness he could make out a lump laying on the sidewalk, just barely inside an alleyway. 

He jerked forward, stopping in his tracks before he took another step, eyes wide and desperate as he suddenly took off running. His feet were loud in the darkness, and he heard some of the others following behind him. 

As he neared, he saw what the lump was. 

It was Lanno, laying face down, a long piece of twisted metal sticking through his neck. Along his back were more bloody spots where shrapnel had pierced him. 

And beneath him was Arah. 

Seonghwa dropped to his knees hard, meal and concrete digging into them, but he didn’t see anything but Arah’s face, covered in blood and still. 

His own injuries became nothing but a background noise as he tried to shove Lanno away- trying to roll him off of her harshly, struggling against his weight for a moment before Yunho and Jongho appeared, dragging him the rest of the way off of her. 

There was blood... Everywhere. 

It leaked from her side, a pool of it underneath her, spreading towards his knees. Seonghwa stared, unable to move. 

Her face was smooth, smeared with blood, but if you took it away, you might almost believe he had just fallen asleep outside. He didn’t move. Couldn’t move. Arah’s chest was still, and for a terrifying moment he didn’t even know if she was breathing. 

And then he looked lower. At first, he thought it was Lanno’s blood decorating her legs, but he realized that the oozing red from them was fresh. Her legs were covered in small shrapnel, small bits of wood and metal thrown in the explosion. 

He gagged, a hand coming up to cover his mouth. 

Not her. 

It was never supposed to be her. 

“Seonghwa.” The voices sounded like they were coming from the end of a tunnel, his vision narrowing until all he saw was Arah… his little girl… laying among the carnage, bleeding out. Maybe bled out already. 

He thought he understood. He thought he had experienced the worst of it when he saw her, bleeding from her arm from a single gunshot. He thought he knew what it would mean to fear for her life. 

Everything smelled like blood. Everything was covered in blood. 

It had never bothered him before. 

“ _ Seonghwa.”  _

Someone touched his shoulder, shaking it slightly, and Seonghwa turned away, throwing up onto the sidewalk, acid burning his throat. 

He closed his eyes, breathing heavily as someone touched his back comfortingly, and he wanted to turn back to  _ help Arah _ , to check if she was  _ even still alive _ , but his body wouldn’t let him. 

He threw up again. That was his girl. His responsibility, his- 

“Come on,” someone coaxed, pulling him away from the pile of sick. “Seonghwa, come on, we’ve gotta  _ do  _ something.” When he still kept his eyes closed, they sighed. “Hongjoong-”

“I’ve got a pulse,” Hongjoong said suddenly, voice tight. “We can’t take care of this,” he breathed. “Yeosang, call an ambulance.” 

“What if they ask-”

“It doesn’t matter what they ask!” he snapped. “Arah needs help!” 

Yeosang ducked away, reaching into his pocket. 

“Someone get me something to stem the bleeding,” he heard Hongjoong say, and when everyone looked around helplessly, he tore off his jacket and pressed it to the hole at her side. 

He gasped when the pool of blood suddenly grew and he jerked away. 

“What the hell,” Wooyoung muttered, shifting the body carefully and eyes widening. “Oh, god,” he breathed. “She’s shot in the back too.” 

Seonghwa didn’t want to look, he couldn’t look at it, he couldn’t see her like this-

He heard Wooyoung gag, the sound almost making him vomit again. “How close to her spine?” he whispered, desperate for a certain answer. 

Wooyoung didn’t respond. “We have to stem the back too.” He slid off his own jacket, folding it and slipping it under her. “Yeosang, where’s the ambulance?” he demanded. 

“On their way,” he said, voice hollow. “Is she-”

“She’s alive,” Hongjoong pressed, eyes hard where they focused on the blood on her cheek. “She’s alive,” he repeated. 

“Seonghwa.” It was San touching his shoulder, turning him fully away from Arah. “Seonghwa, you need to get a hold of yourself.” 

How could any of them get a hold of themselves when Arah was- He gagged again, swallowing painfully to keep it down. 

They heard it. They heard all of it. 

The labored breathing and screams of pain and taunts and running and gunshots and an explosion that had cut out all communications. They sat and listened to Arah fighting for her life when they should have been there. They should have never left her, they should have protected her- 

Distantly, they heard sirens. 

“It’s going to look weird with this many people,” Hongjoong said. “Some of us need to clear out.” 

“I’ll go,” Jongho volunteered, looking ill. 

“Only a couple need to stay,” Yeosang whispered, standing on shaking legs. “I called them, and Hongjoong is… you know.” He gestured to where Hongjoong was pressing against her wound. “The rest of us should leave.” 

“What about Seonghwa?” Yunho questioned quietly, glancing at the man who hadn’t moved. 

Seonghwa wanted to snap that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he wasn’t going to just leave Arah again, but the words wouldn’t come. 

She was so still. His little girl… 

“He can stay,” San decided. “But you need to get it together.” It was directed at him. He nodded numbly. 

“We should go,” Mingi said quietly. “Call us with any information you get. We’ll stay in the area.” 

They filed away, and Seonghwa heard the car start, driving away, and he found enough strength to lift his head. Hongjoong told Yeosang to check her pulse again, pressing against her wound, and Seonghwa was struck by how useless he was. 

Arah looked like she was sleeping. 

His vision blurred as he stared at her, knees soaked with red. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. If Hongjoong or Yeosang heard him, they said nothing. He dropped his head, staring at the blood spread across the concrete. “I’m so sorry.” 

It was useless. It didn’t help anything, but it was all he could think to say. 

He promised… he promised her she was going to get out of there okay. 

He had promised a lot of things. A lot of promises that didn’t get kept. 

He promised to keep an eye on her. He promised to protect her. He promised she wouldn’t ever have to cross those lines. He promised she would never suffer the consequences of this life- 

He was shit at keeping promises. He just never really thought they would ever have consequences. Nothing like this. They were never supposed to cost him this much. 

He never thought his promises would cost him Arah. 

Tears mingled with blood on the ground. He wondered how scared she had been, how sure she was she was going to die, alone. He wondered if she had believed what Lanno told her. 

If she did, Seonghwa had failed. He had already failed.

The ambulance arrived, two men getting out with a stretcher. Seonghwa watched them take stock of her, pushing Hongjoong and Yeosang aside, moving her onto the stretcher, attaching things to her, her arm falling limply out of their hold. 

He was reminded of when he would go out into the living room, back when she was still twelve and catching on, falling asleep on the couch while staring over maps Wooyoung had given her to play with. 

She would be curled up, fast asleep with her maps spread around her, and Seonghwa would sigh because he had told Yeosang to make sure she got to bed, but he had clearly fallen for her cries of “five more minutes!” 

He would step over, folding up the papers, and picking her up. 

She would shift, just enough to rest her head comfortably on his shoulder, her arms and legs swinging limply in sleep as he carried her to her room, laying her down carefully in her bed. 

He would kiss her forehead, stepping away and watching through the door for as long as he could until he closed it completely. 

He watched them slide her into the ambulance, watching until the last second when the doors closed, cutting her off from him. 

~~~~~~~~

Arah became conscious twice. She didn’t hear anything, but she knew her eyes were closed. But she was too tired to open them. Was that something beeping? She couldn’t make it out. 

The second time, she was sure something was beeping, and she cracked her eyes open, but the lights were too bright, so she closed them again. 

She opened her eyes again, glaring against the white lights. She didn’t know where she was. She tilted her head with a massive effort, seeing an IV pole leading down to her arm. The sheets were white. She could feel the warm plastic of a mask over her mouth, fresh, clear oxygen flowing into her lungs. 

Why was she in a hospital? They never used hospitals. Too many questions. 

“Arah?” The voice sounded distantly, like someone yelling down a hallway, but she was too tired to try and see who it was, eyes slipping closed again. 

~~~~~~~

“We’re not leaving,” someone snapped loudly, making her head ring. 

“Visiting hours are over. “

“Does it look like we give shit? That’s our kid laying in that bed.” 

“Regardless, you have to leave-” 

“You think you can make eight people move?” they demanded. 

Her chest chest hurt. And her torso. And her arms. And her head. Her bottom half didn’t hurt, though. Which was weird. It was dark when she closed her eyes. 

~~~~~~~

Arah opened her eyes again, staring up at the ceiling. It was still bright, and it made her eyes hurt. 

She blinked slowly, still tired, sluggish like waking up on the weekend and knowing you could just stay in bed. 

She turned her head, seeing the same IV leading down to her arm. She followed the tube but didn’t see her hand. Instead, there was a mop of black hair hiding it. She frowned, wondering vaguely where her hand had gone. She tried to flex it, and she felt her fingers move against the hair. 

The movement, however, must have woken up the hair, which shifted, and then turned to reveal a face. 

Seonghwa stared at her through bleary eyes for a moment, taking her in, and for a heartbeat, the world stood still as they both just stared at each other, taking in the other. 

Seonghwa looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, hair tousled and eyes gaunt. His eyes were cloudy with sleep, but then he blinked and they cleared. He shot up, eyes wide and misty. 

“Arah,” he whispered, voice shot and hoarse. He touched her arm again, as if making sure she was real. “Arah, are you awake this time?” 

It felt like there was a lag in her brain, but she nodded slowly. He laughed, humorlessly, a sound that was pure relief as he grabbed her hand firmly, his own weak grip shaking violently. 

She swallowed. “You look awful,” she rasped, and she realized she still had the mask on, making her sound funny. 

Seonghwa stared at her for a moment, laughing and then sobering and it was like he wasn’t sure what emotions he was supposed to be feeling. He reached forward, like he was going to brush her hair away, but he drew back, mouth opening and closing. 

“I’m calling the nurse,” he said, standing and using her bed as support as he pressed a button beside her bed. 

Arah felt dizzy, like she was breathing too much, and she leaned fully against her pillow, staring at the ceiling. 

“Does anything hurt?” he asked, and she focused on each word before understanding the question. 

“Everything,” she breathed, flexing her hand and wincing. “Not my legs, though,” she added, like an afterthought. “My legs feel fine.” 

Seonghwa was silent, and Arah tilted her head with an audible effort, taking a moment to focus, but when she did, she stared at Seonghwa who sat, staring at her with tears on his cheeks. 

She frowned. He wasn’t supposed to cry. It made her chest hurt worse. “Why are you crying?” she rasped, turning her hand so she could hold his. “What’s wrong?” 

She was fine, right? She was awake. 

His lip shook, and he looked ready to say something, but the door opened quickly, a nurse and doctor appearing quickly. The nurse grabbed Seonghwa by the shoulders, pushing him towards the door and saying they needed to do a check up on her. 

She felt his hand slip away from her, leaving her grasping at nothing, and she resisted the urge that bubbled in her chest to call him back. 

She was out of it. They checked her vitals and her injuries, taking the mask off of her face and helping her get used to breathing on her own again. 

She answered the doctor’s questions on autopilot, even though they confused her. He asked her if anything hurt, and she said no. 

“What about this?” 

“You’re not even touching me,” she sighed, closing her eyes, tired from all the questions.

“Arah,” the doctor said cautiously. “I’d like you to look at your feet.” 

She sighed, building up the energy to lift her head again and stare down the length of her body. Her feet were uncovered, but what confused her was that the nurse was holding a small needle in her hand, like you might see used for sewing. 

The nurse poked her foot with it. Arah was sure she poked hard enough to hurt, but she didn’t feel anything. She frowned, wiggling her toes. 

Or, she tried to wiggle them. 

Something terrifying expanded in her chest. 

“Arah, you don’t need to panic,” the doctor said quickly, sitting in the chair that Seonghwa had left behind. He touched her shoulder carefully. “Arah, I’m going to explain a few things to you.Things that happened to you, and I need you to remain calm and ask me any questions you have, okay?” 

She barely caught any of it, but he went on. Her mind was filled with white noise. 

“You were walking by a warehouse when it exploded. There was ammunition stored in the warehouse, and you were shot twice. Once in your side and once in the back.”

The explosion. 

_ Lanno.  _

“The bullet that hit your back… originally, you might have been able to reconnect what it severed, but you kept moving around and the bullet caused more damage once it was inside of you. You are currently paralyzed from the waist down.” 

It sounded like he was talking to her from underwater. 

“Some of your friends called an ambulance for you when you didn’t pick up your phone and they found you. You’ve been unconscious for 10 days. Do you remember any of this?” 

A warehouse. Bullets. She closed her eyes. She heard her heart monitor skyrocket. Lanno. Hongdo. The warehouse, he shot her, she blew up a building- 

“Calm down,” the doctor said softly, laying a hand on her arm. “You were in some extensive surgeries, and all your muscles will heal completely, especially with you being so young. However, your legs…” He paused, squeezing her arm gently. “I’m afraid there’s very little chance of every regaining mobility of them. But, you are young. You can learn to cope and live with what happened, I promise.”

Arah didn’t want to cope and live, she wanted- She wanted- 

“I want to see-” She coughed harshly. “I want to see my friends. I want Seonghwa back.” 

The doctor nodded. “In a moment, but we still have a few things to discuss, Arah. You’ll need to perform a little physical therapy to treat your muscles, and you’re going to need to look at a few plans we have for how to continue on without your legs.” 

It didn’t sound real. He kept talking, pulling out packets and showing them to her, but she barely heard him. She focused on her legs, trying to move them, to even make them twitch, but… Nothing. 

“Now, if you’re not too spent, you can see your friends,” the doctor said, standing. “Do you need anything else before we go?” She shook her head numbly. “Then, I’ll send them in. If you need them to leave, you can just push that button for the nurse.” 

He left with a sad glance over his shoulder, and he opened the door. “You can go in, but keep in mind she’s exhausted. Don’t try and keep her up if she seems to be falling asleep, and don’t attack her.” 

He stepped out, the nurse following him, and there was only a moment before Yeosang’s head poked in quietly. 

They made eye contact, and Arah swallowed as he stepped in, Wooyoung peeked around behind him. Yeosang pressed his lips together, and then he moved forward quickly, stopping by the side of her bed as he bent down and hugged her gently, careful of her injuries, but hugging her all the same. 

The filed in, all of them grim faced, she knew they already knew. They had been knowing. “I’m sorry,” Yeosang whispered wetly. “I’m so sorry we weren’t there in time.”

Arah’s eyes burned, and she couldn’t lift both arms, but she lifted the one without the needle in it, resting it against him and tilting her head to rest against his. “I’m sorry, too,” she whispered, words slurring. “I fucked up.” 

“No,” Yeosang whispered quietly, pulling away and touching her cheek gently, eyes wet. “No, Arah, you did everything you could. You did so well, you were so brave back there.” 

Hongjoong sat on the other side of her, the bed creaking under him. “How do you feel, squirt?” he asked quietly. 

She held her breath for a moment as Yeosang stepped away, and she looked at all of them, gathered around her. She frowned, though. “Where’s Seonghwa?” The question tumbled from her lips in a rush. 

No one met her eyes. “He needed a minute,” San explained, glancing towards the door. “He… He’s hasn’t been dealing with everything well. I think it… I think all of this was sort of a breaking point. He’s taking a minute, outside.” 

“He’ll be back,” Wooyoung promised with a wry smile that looked like it was barely being held together. “He just needs a second to get his thoughts in order.” 

“What happened?” Arah rasped, lifting one hand to press against her forehead. “The warehouse… it exploded, but I don’t… I don’t remember anything after that.” 

They gave an abridged version, but it got the point across: they found her, they were terrified, she had been unconscious and they had refused to leave, much to the dismay of the staff. 

Her mind felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, but she reveled in the silence. She thought she might be on six different kinds of pain meds, but she stared at the lumps in the covers that were her feet and felt a weight against her chest. 

It settled on her thickly. 

“My legs don’t work anymore,” she said, swallowing thickly. “I can’t walk or anything.” She flexed her spine carefully, and found she could shift her bottom, but everything beneath that was dead weight. Her eyes stung. “I really can’t move them…” 

Hongjoong’s fingers wrapped around her wrist warmly as he held it firmly. “It’ll be okay,” he promised, though it came across pained. “Lanno and his people are gone, you’re alive, everyone is okay. We can take this. You’ve survived so much, Arah, you’ll make it through this too, I swear.” 

She nodded absently, staring at her feet. “I’m tired,” she whispered, feeling like she had spent an hour staring at a bright screen. Her legs almost seemed to stare back and mock her. 

“You can sleep,” Yunho assured her. “We’ll still be here, unless you want us to leave.” 

Arah shook her head sluggishly, eyes falling closed. “You can stay,” she murmured. “But make sure Seonghwa’s okay... will you?” 

“We will,” Hongjoong promised. 

Arah had never fallen asleep so quickly, but she had never been under such conditions before either. 

It didn’t feel like long before she woke up again, though, and it took her a moment to figure out why she had woken up. It was dim in the room, and silent, but she felt something brushing her fingers, making her look down. 

In the darker room, she could still see just fine, making out Seonghwa’s figure hunched over in the chair, playing with her fingers absently as he stared at nothing. 

She shifted and could see other figures laying around the room, and wondered how long it had been since the others had gone home and slept properly. 

Seonghwa hadn’t noticed her wake up, so she curled her fingers slightly. He looked up sharply and saw her eyes staring at him in the darkness. For a moment, neither of them breathed, watching in the darkness, and Arah had a million things she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the strength to voice any of it. 

The only thing she managed was: “Hi.” 

Seonghwa’s jaw flexed, his fingers stiffening against hers. “Hey,” he returned quietly. “How did you sleep?” 

For a moment, she had almost forgotten, but like a train, it hit her, that weight at her waist. She swallowed, forcing panic down. “Fine.” Her voice was tight as her fingers curled into the blankets. 

Seonghwa wet his lips, lowering his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said heavily. 

Arah wanted to reassure him, to comfort him, to try and blame herself, to convince him that it was no one’s fault, no one but Lanno’s who deserved every painful part of his death. 

Instead, she just squeezed his hand. “I know. I am, too.” 

She expected him to fight it, to shake his head and list all the reasons why she shouldn’t say that. But he just swallowed. “I know,” he whispered. 

“My legs are paralyzed,” she said suddenly, her voice loud in her ears even if she had whispered. Seonghwa physically flinched, withdrawing his hand. 

“I know.” 

Her eyes filled with tears that burned. “What do I do, Seonghwa?” she whispered helplessly. “I can’t walk- I can’t even feel them.” Her lip shook as she brought a hand up to wipe at her eyes. “The doctor was talking about wheelchairs and adapting, but-” She shook her head. “I can’t use my  _ legs, _ Seonghwa.” 

She felt wetness hit her hand, and she jumped, seeing Seonghwa who looked just like he had earlier, staring at her with dampness dripping off his cheeks. 

He was heartbroken. Maybe it wasn’t anything compared to how she felt, but Seonghwa was crying for her, devastated over everything that had happened. 

Arah had been shot, blown up, terrified, and now she was paralyzed. 

Seonghwa had listened to his terrified little girl be shot, blown up, and now he was sitting beside her while she was paralyzed. It wasn’t the same, but there was something there. 

Everyone. They had all been there, listening to everything, arriving to find her, not sure if she was dead or alive, and finding out that she was something almost worse. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again. He took her hand, pressing his forehead to it firmly as his hands shook around hers, breathing a staccato. “I couldn’t do anything for you, Arah. I still can’t. All the promises I made you, I’m useless to you. Everything you’ve done, you’ve done on your own.”

His breath shook so hard, Arah quieted a sob that threatened to break. 

“You’re here because of me,” he whispered brokenly. “You’re paralyzed because of me and my  _ stupid  _ decisions and fears, and I’m  _ sorry _ . I should have been there for you-” 

He lifted his head, eyes broken with tears that fell like shooting stars. 

“I should have done more for you, I should have told you that we were coming no matter what, but I  _ didn’t _ . I didn’t help you, I just let you go-  _ I should have never let you go _ , I should have  _ been there  _ for you-” 

Arah felt wet burn down her cheeks and she lifted her arm with a visible effort, wiping at his face to clear some of the tears there. 

“You were there,” she promised quietly, voice uneven and weak. “I could hear you the whole time. You were all right there. I wasn’t alone, Seonghwa, I knew that the whole time,” she promised. 

His hand squeezed her harder- taking as much comfort as it provided. 

“I never thought I was alone,” she rasped weakly, “You were all  _ right there  _ behind me, and it- it  _ meant  _ something, Seonghwa. It meant  _ everything. _ ” 

It did nothing to quell his tears, and in fact, it made them fall harder, almost audible in the quiet around them. He just took her hand in his weaks ones and held it. 

There was a long silence where no one spoke, and neither did anything. He just held her hand and they stared at each other, no words good enough to break the silence that was comforting. 

They were both right here. They were both not alone. The whole room was covered in these men- this family that had been with her from the very first to the very last, and had never abandoned her. No words could provide any true comfort or aliviation to the pain, but the silence was enough for now. 

Arah clenched the blankets between her fingers. “I guess this means I won’t be going on any jobs,” she said, and it almost came out as a joke, but she fell short. “Wouldn’t be much use like this. And even if-” She broke off, breathing deeply. “Even if it had gone as planned… I don’t think I would have gone back anyway. I-” 

Her lips shook, but she nodded. 

“I think with all of this… I’m done. I don’t want to go out anymore, I just- I just want to-” She inclined her head. “I just want to be safe.” 

A barest beat of silence. “Me, too.” 

Arah’s head whipped over to him, eyes wide, like she might have misheard. “What?” she demanded quietly. 

Seonghwa lifted his eyes from staring at the sheets to meet hers. They were stern, cold, but they were tired. They were so tired. 

“I’m done with everything too. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and with everything….” He shook his head, eyes falling closed. “I’ve seen both of us in positions I never wanted to even imagine. I… So many lines have been crossed, so many messed up things have happened, and the powerlessness I had to stop them…”

He shook his head sternly, shouldering the burden of all of them without even thinking about it. 

“I never want to have to face that again.” He touched her hand. “I don’t want to leave you behind anymore. I want to be able to help you with everything, I want to be able to live and watch you grow up-” His voice broke. So did part of Arah. “I don’t want to leave on adventures that might take that from both of us.” 

Part of her wanted to fight, to assure Seonghwa he didn’t have to. 

But the rest of her shut that down. She didn’t  _ want  _ to keep being afraid for them. She  _ couldn’t  _ be out there with them anymore, and she couldn’t bear the thought of going back to sitting at home while they went out, completely blocked off to what they were doing. 

You know. Everything Seonghwa and them had been going through with her. 

“I don’t want you to think you have to give it up,” she said softly. “I don’t want you to think you have to… to make this decision because it’s the right thing at the time. I want… I want you to do what you want to do. Because I want to do what I want to do, too. I want to go to college and I want to… to live normally, maybe.” 

It never even crossed her mind until she said it, but yeah. 

Something like college sounded pretty fucking good after everything they’d gone through. 

“Arah, if you think my job was worth anything compared to you, you’re stupid.” He reached forward, tapping her forehead gingerly. “Ever since the beginning of this, I’ve been considering what it would be like to just… leave.”

His eyes grew a bit distant, but then snapped back to reality. 

“And I liked what I thought that might be like.” He swallowed. “We were both in positions…. I never want to be in again. I never want the  _ risk  _ of being in those positions again. I just want us to be safe.” 

Arah couldn’t believe that there was a point in her life where she wanted to stop doing this. She couldn’t believe that  _ Seonghwa  _ wanted to stop doing that. 

But… maybe that was just part of growing up. Maybe they were both just still growing up. 

~~~~~~~~

“-n’t believe you thought we’d just sit by!” 

“Well, to be fair, it is kind of sudden. I wouldn’t blame you-”

“Wouldn’t blame us if we just left you and Arah on your own and went about our lives like you two weren’t practically running the whole show?”

“She’s sixteen.” 

“Not the point.” 

“‘M just saying. It’s your own choice, and no one is going to stop you from continuing what you want to do.” 

“What we  _ all  _ want to do… is stay with Arah. If you think we’d leave her now… you’re crazier than we thought.” 

Arah opened her eyes. It was brighter, and she winced, blinking to ease the pressure behind her eyes. When she could finally see, she stared up at eight faces looking down at her. 

“Why do I feel like I missed something?” she croaked. 

Yeosang crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Seonghwa. “Oh, you didn’t. Seonghwa was just trying to convince us to keep doing what we’re doing while you and him rode off into the sunset.” 

Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “I was telling them they didn’t have to follow us-” 

“Don’t worry,” Wooyoung said sympathetically, sitting on the edge of her bed and patting her arm. “Seonghwa won’t be crazy for much longer. We’re trying to find a cure, we promise.” 

Arah’s lips twitched, and God, for the first time in who knew how long, she felt her spirits lift a little as Seonghwa sighed in exasperation and Hongjoong patted his arm comfortingly. 

“Stop talking nonsense, and it’ll all go away, Seonghwa,” he promised. 

“Fine,” he burst, sitting down firmly. “I guess our entire team just went out of business at the same time! We’ll all ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after, I guess!” 

Arah chuckled, but it died quickly. The feeling it brought didn’t leave, though, even when she stared at her legs. 

She found herself trying to move them constantly, and she still felt a bubble of fear when they didn’t. “What about me?” The others froze as she spoke, and she swallowed the fear there. “What about…” she gestured to her bottom half. “All this?” 

There was silence, and she looked up to see them stoic, pensive, and withdrawn. 

“Well,” Hongjoong said, breaking the silence thoughtfully. “We’ll have to make sure the new house is wheelchair accessible.” 

Arah’s head snapped up, confused for a moment until Yeosang nodded. “And we’ll need to check hospitals in the area to make sure they’re good enough.” 

“And if you’re still looking at college,” Yunho spoke up. “They need to have a good program for people with disabilities.” 

“And find a good wheelchair,” Wooyoung reminded them, grinning. “Something sturdy.” 

“And the physical therapy,” San said, nodding. “Someone good who knows what they’re doing to teach her everything.” 

Arah’s eyes stung as she looked around at all of them, Wooyoung wondering if you could paint a wheelchair, and Yeosang questioning if hospitals and emergency rooms were really as accessible as they said they were. 

Tears fell, hot and fast down her cheeks as she ducked her head to wipe at them. 

Her heart swelled in her chest as their voices died down, Seonghwa’s hand touching her hip gently. “Arah?” he prompted quietly, but she just shook her head, hiccupping gently as she scrubbed at tears that kept falling.

They were all so ready… so ready to just leave everything behind and start over with her. 

And she never doubted it for a second, but she was being faced with these eight people who would literally… do anything for her. 

“I love you guys,” she cried around her tears, emotion making her throat tight. “I love you all so much-” 

There was a beat of silence around the room, and suddenly Seonghwa was standing, pulling her close until her head rested against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his chest as he stroked her hair. 

“We love you too, Arah,” he said, and it sounded like a promise. 

“We know that, squirt,” Hongjoong said, poking her side gently. Arah could barely breathe around the balloon in her chest, but it was one of the best feelings she could ever remember. 

“We’re here for you,” Yeosang swore. 

“You think you’d have to go something like this alone?” San asked incredulously. “I think not, kid.” 

She cried, and for the first time in so long, they weren’t tears of fear and emptiness. They felt like letting go. Like releasing a weight into the ocean that had been pulling on her for so long. 

It hadn’t even been a month since that first letter… but it seemed like so much had changed. So much  _ had  _ changed. 

She was  _ sixteen.  _

She looked up passed Seonghwa’s shoulder and saw Wooyoung turning away, swatting Yeosang who asked if he was crying, even though Yeosang’s eyes were misty, and Hongjoong’s smile was a little wet, and Mingi wouldn’t meet everyone’s eyes, and they all looked at her so warmly, so proudly… 

So much had changed… but so much had stayed the same. All the things that mattered were the same. 

Even if… some very… very important things had changed. Maybe beyond what she was capable of handling… but she allowed herself to feel the smallest amount of hope. 

They would stand beside her the whole way, even if she couldn’t stand herself. 

~~~~~~~

The new house had a ramp. 

It had low counters that she could reach and cabinets with important things that were on the ground. 

She had her same bed, but the legs had been sawed down to make it easier to haul herself in. She had a shower with a seat, and while she still needed help in and out, it got easier every time she tried.

She was learning. Everything was about relearning to do everything she had ever done before. 

It wasn’t just not being able to use her legs, it was having so much dead weight attached to her. It made lifting herself out of her chair harder, and it made falling out of her chair impossible to correct without help. 

She didn’t fall often, and the first time she had, Hongjoong had almost called an ambulance before even knowing what happened. 

They had been hitmen, which meant they had made a lot of money. 

Which meant that they bought a brand new van that was easier to store a wheelchair in and made for her ease of access. 

She got a new dresser with lower drawers, and while she could make it up onto the couch about 50% of the time, she still needed a shove in the right direction the other 50%. 

Physical therapy was an absolute pain, but necessary, so after a short week long class at the nearby hospital, she did them on the floor in the living room. 

They weren’t for her legs, but for the wounds on her back and side that were basically healed, but the muscles needed a little work. It was only six weeks needed, but it made her hurt like hell afterwards. 

(Sometimes, Wooyoung spontaneously decided to go get ice cream to bring her on those days.)

It was hard. And it was a lot of waking up at night freaking out because she couldn’t feel anything. 

A lot of calling instinctively for Seonghwa or one of the others because she would wake up and just… forget she couldn’t walk. 

There were a lot of scares of finding her fallen out of bed because she had tried to just get up, and sometimes she threw herself out in desperate attempt to make her legs work. 

She cried. A lot. More than she ever wanted to. 

It was a lot of sitting on the floor at 2AM and holding her and assuring her that she could make it through this. 

It was a lot of not being able to fall asleep because her entire bottom half felt like it was missing, but between eight people there was always someone to sit with her. It was a little bit of anger. 

Frustration would build as she fell to the ground after missing the chair and shoving her wheelchair over in bursts of anger that were snuffed out like candles by the tears that would always follow. 

The others got used to it, even if it never got easier to see. 

Sometimes, one of them would call someone else to come help while they took a minute in another room. Because it was hard. It was hardest on Arah, but it was hard on the others too, being faced with yet another situation that they couldn’t take from her. 

They would comfort her when she freaked out and they would calm her when she burst into anger. They were there to pick her up off the ground and put her where she was aiming, and they would carry her around the house when she couldn’t stand to look at her wheelchair anymore. 

It was fucking hard. And the only thing that kept Arah going was:  _ is this the best you can do?  _

At first, it was anger that brought on the question. 

Fallen out of her chair and sobbing on the floor, she demanded to herself: is this the best you can do? You survived so much- all those jobs, all those psychos, all those life and death situations, all those bullet wounds, everything- 

And a goddamn wheelchair is going to be what breaks you? So much pain and loss, and this is where you snap? 

It was meant to be self pitying, self-hatred, but then she said it again, at a time when it wasn’t so bad, and Arah realized that no. This was not the best she could do. She was capable of so much more. 

If she could learn to be the best shooter on the team in a year, what was stopping her from learning how to put on  _ pants  _ in the morning?

It was far, far,  _ far  _ from a fix-all. And it made it so much worse sometimes, but in the lowest moments, it was something. Which, sometimes you didn’t need  _ everything _ . You just needed  _ something _ . 

She was coping. She met with a therapist once a week to talk, and while it didn’t seem to do much, it had a calming effect, ranting about all the difficulties. 

The others got used to not tripping over her, her arms built up the strength to wheel her around, the others learned where to step in and where to let her go at it until she succeeded. 

Together, they all learned how to deal with the change. And slowly, they learned how to do it well.

Because it wasn’t just Arah’s life that had been radically changed. 

The others had to learn how to care for her, as much as she had to learn to care for herself. She had to be patient with them, like they had to be patient with her. 

She had to forgive them when they overstepped, like they forgave her when she shoved them away in fits of anger she was learning to deal with. 

They were learning together. And they kept learning. 

~~~~~~~

Arah learned to dress herself (always a pain) and get herself out of the bed, into her chair, and picked up the bag sitting by her door, sitting it in her lap as she went through the larger than normal doorways into the kitchen. 

“You ready?” Seonghwa asked over his shoulder as he tore off a piece of toast. “You’re sure you don’t want breakfast?” 

“You’re not leaving without breakfast,” Hongjoong said firmly, walking over and thrusting a granola bar into her hand. “This is for in case you get hungry between class.” He slipped another into her backpack. “You’ve got all your books? Laptop?” 

Arah rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Yes, I have everything. Nothing changed from the checklist you made me do last night.” 

“I don’t want you to forget anything! Literally, nothing is worse!” 

“I’m paralyzed from the waist down,” she montoned. It had been one year and six months of making hesitant jokes before she realized it didn’t hurt to say them. 

The first time she had made one, everyone choked at dinner, glancing around as if wondering if she had realized what she had said. But, she realized that being able to say it casually took some of the weight off of her shoulders. It took away some of the power this thing tried to hold over her. 

“And I graduated from college,” Hongjoong reminded her. “I know what sucks.” He knelt down, glancing through her bag like she had lied about having everything. He nodded firmly, satisfied, and looked up. “You’re good.” 

Arah rolled her eyes. “I know I am,” she sighed. 

Hongjoong hesitated for a moment before his expression sobered. “Listen, Arah,” he said quietly. “I’m not trying to worry you, but not everyone is going to be good. There are going to be people who look at you- both because of your wheelchair and because you’re younger. Maybe even more because you’re younger.”

She nodded along with the fifth time this speech was delivered. 

“Most of these people are two years older than you, and they might not be so proud that you’ve advanced so far.” He sighed, waving a hand. “My point is… don’t let those people ruin your experience. Make friends, meet new people, fight those people who make fun of you-”

“Gunfight or fist fight?” she interrupted, grinning. 

Hongjoong flicked her forehead. “You’re not allowed to bring guns on campus.” 

“I’m not allowed to get  _ caught  _ with guns on campus.” 

“Oh.... I guess you’re right. You can pick, then.” 

Arah chuckled, and nodded. “I know. After everything… making friends probably isn’t the hardest thing I’ll be doing this year.” 

“You’ve never had to take advanced trig,” he warned, smile warm. “But you’ll be amazing, just like you always are. And if you aren’t… well, then I guess we’ll work from there.” 

He leaned forward, kissing her forehead, a rarer display of affection than he usually had. “Be amazing,” he told her quietly. 

“I will be,” she promised, heart swelling. 

“Ready to go?” Seonghwa asked, waving the keys from the door. 

“Yea-”

“Wait!” A gust of wind passed her as Yeosang came to a halt, throwing his arms around her and squeezing the life out of her. “Kick their ass!” he demanded, pulling away. He breathed out strongly. “I couldn’t let you leave without saying it.” 

Arah laughed, saluting him. “Will you have a snack for me when I get back?” 

“No promises.” 

“Please?”

“You drive a hard bargain. I can’t compete with that.” He poked her cheek. “Yes, there will be snacks.” 

“We gotta go,” Seonghwa urged, opening the door. Arah nodded, rolling towards it, waving at the others who called goodbye to her. Seonghwa got her up into the seat, putting her chair away and starting the car. 

They drove in silence. The college was only twenty minutes away, but as they drew near, she felt her chest filling. “Is it weird to be nervous about something like this?” she asked, massaging her chest. 

“Nope,” Seonghwa said without hesitation. “I’d be a little concerned if you weren’t, but it’s nothing you can’t handle, I promise.” 

Too soon, they pulled up to the college, and Arah saw so many students walking around, some in groups and some alone. She had gone on a few excursions on her own with her wheelchair- just like around the store or to the convenience mart- but this was a large scale place to be at on her own for the first time. 

She swallowed thickly. “I’m ready,” she said firmly. 

Seonghwa got out, grabbing her chair, and set it up next to the car. She could get out herself, the chair clattering a little from her weight as she grabbed her bag. 

She breathed a deep sigh of calm.

Seonghwa watched her, warm pride flickering in his eyes. “You good?” 

She nodded, and he smiled, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head. 

“I’m so proud of you, Arah,” he said quietly, eyes earnest and brighter than they ever were in those few months of absolute darkness. “For everything you’ve done. Everytime I think I can’t possibly be prouder… you’re proving me wrong.” 

She stared at him, refusing to let emotion well. 

They had been right beside her. In ways she hadn’t ever realized she would need. 

She tugged Seonghwa down, hugging him tightly as he knelt down beside him, warm and comforting in all the ways she needed. This was her family. 

Her family. They had survived so much together… Arah wanted to laugh, thinking that college would be the biggest thing she ever went through in her life. 

She squeezed him harder, the wall of hugs being only for special occasions having long since fallen. 

Seonghwa laughed when she still didn’t let go, squeezing her back tightly. 

Arah smiled, throat closing with emotion. “I have to go,” she said quietly. “I love you so much,” she whispered, still not ready to let go. 

Seonghwa kissed her temple, chuckling. “You can’t go if you don’t let go,” he reminded her, even as he made no move to release her. 

Arah finally took one more breath and then let go, leaning back in her chair as Seonghwa stood, smiling proudly. 

Seonghwa nodded, stepped aside as she unlocked her wheels. “Call me if you need anything,” he made her swear. His eyes got a little wetter. “Good luck, Arah…. I love you, always remember that,” he added gently, eyes misty. 

She grinned, saluting as she rolled off. She didn’t look back. Only forward. 

And as always… her family stood at her back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you!!  
> I hope you all enjoyed it! This was a great ride, and I hope you enjoyed it too!  
> I was happy to get this one out, and I can’t wait to put out the next work!  
> I appreciate all of you who read this! Thank you! Please let me know what you thought about it~ 
> 
> I’ll see you in my next work!  
> -SS

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> It would mean so much if you told me what you thought!!  
> I hope you have an amazing day! 
> 
> My twitter and CC are @_SinisterSound_ for any comments, questions, or just to chat!  
> Thank you!!  
> -SS


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